DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in kind of a dating slump. I can't seem to get a call back, and all the dates I go on have lagging and awkward conversations. I dread having to think of things to say, but I don't know how to be inquisitive without seeming nosy. I know I need to up my game because a girl told me she was a "little bored" after a date once. This bummed me out, and I know I need to work on my conversational skills. How do I knock a date out of the park? -- Losing the Game, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR LOSING THE GAME: When you invite someone out on a date, you can ask what she's interested in and select an activity that requires action instead of only talking, like bowling, skating or rock climbing. This way, you have something to talk about that's built into your date.

In terms of actual conversation, people usually like to talk about themselves. Ask questions that get your date to open up. You can ask about what she likes to do for fun, what her favorite anything is -- book, movie, video game, cuisine. Ask her about her family, her work, her friends. When she asks you questions, answer them. If you can tell stories that illustrate your thoughts rather than one-word answers, she will be interested.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have lived with my roommates for almost a whole year. As our lease is coming up, they decided they will be renewing it, and we'll all be living together again. I like some of my current roommates, but I could not imagine living in the same situation next year. No one has asked me if I would like to go through with this arrangement, and the fact that I have not been consulted offends me. I have never mentioned being all right with living with my current roommates for another lease. I am annoyed with their assumptions. I want them to ask me if I'd like to live with them for another year.

How can I tell someone to ask me about my living situation instead of just assuming? I cannot be stuck in a lease with partiers again. -- Moving House, Norman, Oklahoma

DEAR MOVING HOUSE: Rather than being offended that your unruly roommates didn't consult you about re-upping next year, make a plan to get out of there. Look for another apartment that you can afford. If you need to have roommates, look for people with whom you feel compatible. Then tell your roommates that you do not intend to sign on for another year with them. Give them enough time to find a replacement roommate, and resist expressing judgmental comments to them about their behavior. If they press you about why you don't want to stay with them -- which they probably won't if you don't share their interests -- tell them that you don't feel like you are a good fit with their group.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is in the local government and is interviewed for small newspapers frequently. Recently, when asked about his views regarding same-sex marriage, I was shocked to read that he was against it!

I am used to people mentioning his interviews to me, but this stance isn't something I can even pretend to stand behind. I feel like he knows I've read the local paper because we haven't spoken about anything. What should I say to my father? Is a conversation even necessary? Also, when asked about the controversial comments making the town newspaper, do I need to engage strangers? -- Bad Publicity, (Near) Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR BAD PUBLICITY: Given that your father is in local government, he is accountable to his constituency -- including you. Stop tiptoeing around the revelation you read in the paper, and bring it up to him. You can tell him that you were surprised about his position on marriage equality and that you do not agree with him. You can add that you find yourself in an uncomfortable place because many people have been approaching you about his comments. Ask him if you two can have a heart-to-heart. Talk openly about your views on as many topics as you deem important.

Also talk about how to agree to disagree in public discourse. It may be that you end up saying to strangers that they must take up their concerns about your father's position(s) with him. You are independent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have finally obtained success in my career. I have been trying to find myself on television for some time now, and I finally landed a role. It's nothing major and is on local programming, but I still feel like all of my hard work has paid off. There is an audience on the set, and my family has decided that they will show up to support me. I do not want my family coming to my taping. I feel like I want this experience to be about me and my job, not my family cheering for me from the seats. I never invited my family, but they decided they were coming. How do I uninvite my family without causing a riot? -- You're Not Coming, Atlanta

DEAR YOU'RE NOT COMING: First, congratulations on your emerging success. Before you shun your family from your first studio audience, search your soul for the real reason you don't want them there. If it is really because they may make you nervous if you see them in the audience, that is something you can tell them. You can ask that they not come until you get comfortable on stage. If the reason is because you want the whole scene to be about you, take a deep breath. Know that it will be about you. It's your performance. They will be coming to see you. But you should check the arrogance that is peeking through. You didn't get to this place in your career alone. Don't deny your family the chance to share your glow. That would just be too selfish.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for an educational technology company in a small department on a secluded floor. We have an IT guy who regularly visits us to just hang out and talk to the people there. One day, he came down to talk to an independent contractor who had been recently hired. Their conversation started fine, but it took a turn when they started discussing race and current events.

Several racist statements were made from both parties, and the IT guy even said he wished he could cause harm to protesters because he thinks they are attacking cops. I was floored. I wanted to go to human resources, but I'm not sure if they could do anything, and I wouldn't want it to backfire. What should I do? Should I go to HR? Should I let it go? It's always shocking to learn the co-worker who smiles in your face is a raging racist. -- Alarmed, Cincinnati

DEAR ALARMED: A popular education tool in schools these days has students look at the effect that various roles in relationships have on the parties involved. It's focused on bullying and observes bystanders, bullies and more. The problem with being a silent bystander is that it suggests that you are co-signing the bad behavior.

Apparently, you did not have the wherewithal to speak up on behalf of those who were being verbally attacked, but you don't have to stay silent. If you have the courage, speak directly to your IT guy to let him know how disturbed you were by his conversation and comments. But you can and should report the conversation to HR. Racism is unacceptable -- even when only a few people hear it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom and sister got into an argument over a family matter. I know that she is very sorry over the issue, but my mom went crazy. She threw things all over the house, she clawed at my sister's face and then she threatened to kick her out. I don't know if she really meant it, but I'm worried. My sister doesn't have a paying job; how is she going to support herself? She's only a teenager. I don't know how to help her, but I hope things get better. I don't want my sister to have to leave.

Now they aren't even speaking to each other. How can I get them to sit down and talk? I know that's what my sister was trying to do in the first place. Instead, it spiraled into this fight. I want them to be friends again. I feel bad because the whole argument started because my sister was protecting me. -- Ready for Normalcy, New York City

DEAR READY FOR NORMALCY: If you are the source of the argument, go directly to your mother and tell her what you know. Ask her to calm down and reconsider her threat to throw out your sister. Do your best to address the underlying issue. Getting to the bottom of things can be difficult, but it is one smart way of resolving tough situations.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)