DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I decided to get healthy together a little over a year ago. We were both at least 30 pounds overweight, and in those 12 months we lost weight and completely changed our lifestyles. As the year was ending, my sister decided to go back to her old lifestyle because it's just "easier." We did agree to be healthy for a year, so she kept her promise, but I want her to continue doing this with me.

I saw the change in myself and have watched her gain some of the weight back in our short weeks of having different lifestyles. We don't go on walks together anymore or attend Zumba. I can't force her to do anything, but I want my sister to be healthy for as long as possible with me. What should I say to her? Telling her she gained weight would make her defensive. -- Happy & Healthy, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR HAPPY & HEALTHY: Sometimes it's worth it to make someone a bit defensive. Plan a get-together with your sister and find out how she's doing. Remind her of how much fun you had committing to healthy living last year. Ask her to resume the plan. Tell her you are concerned because you have noticed that she has gained weight. Remind her of how easily you both gained weight and how capable you both are of losing. Tell her how much you love her and want both of you to be healthy.

Know that she may not join you, but you can continue to invite her to go on walks or engage in other healthy activities with you. She may come back at some point.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live with a few roommates to save money. We each have our own room, but we use my furniture in the living room. For the past week, an assortment of guests has been sleeping on my pullout couch. I know I can't try to have exclusive claim to a couch, but I feel as though I should at least be asked if random strangers can sleep on my furniture.

I think my roommates assume we share everything in the house, but I am not as courteous. How do I stop these sleepovers from happening? I am about to put a sign on the couch that says, "Not a Free Bed"! -- Not On My Couch, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NOT ON MY COUCH: You are being unrealistic. If you didn't want your roommates to use your furniture, you shouldn't have put it in the common area. Of course, it would be thoughtful for your roommates to ask to use the sofa, but it probably didn't occur to them. If the couch becomes like a revolving door over an extended period of time, you can then bring it to your roommates' attention that they are abusing the privilege. Otherwise, you should bring it up only if the couch gets soiled or ruined in some way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Honestly, I've been holding a grudge against a woman in my town, Cindy, for over a decade. I never forgive, and I think that there's no point in me ever needing to interact with this woman after what she has said about my family and me.

A mutual friend of ours has moved into the area and is dedicated to reconciling us. I do not consider Cindy my enemy, but I do hate her. Our mutual friend constantly tells me that Cindy is a "good person" and asks me if I would want to be judged by my actions from so long ago. I do not ever want to speak to Cindy, and my friend will not butt out of my business. Should I cut her off? I feel like someone who talks Cindy up this much could not be a friend of mine. -- Holding On, Salt Lake City

DEAR HOLDING ON: The thing about grudges is that they eat you up inside, even if the reason you are holding onto them is because somebody did you wrong. Forgiveness is so important in life because it frees you from being tormented by whatever the misgiving is that occurred.

Forgiving Cindy for speaking ill of you and your family does not mean that you forget, nor does it require that you be friends with her again. But if you are able to release the negativity that you have been holding for so many years, the two of you may walk through the world more lightly.

As far as your friend who continues to badger you, ask her to stop. Tell her that you will make the effort to forgive Cindy, but you have no intention of being friends with her again. Remind her, if necessary, that this is not her business.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife has developed a passion for new medical treatments that are supposed to cure ailments and signs of aging. I have gotten chemical peels with her, engaged in cryotherapy and gotten Botox, but I am finally drawing the line since she booked us appointments to get enemas. My wife thinks this will cure my back pains and rejuvenate her skin. I think this is just baloney. At first these treatments were a fun way to do something new together, but I don't feel comfortable anymore because I think she took it too far.

My wife and I are in our 40s and admittedly aging, but I still think she is as beautiful as the day I met her. I want to end this "treatment" obsession, but I don't want the adventurous aspect it brought to our relationship to go away. How can I redirect my wife away from these medical procedures? I don't want to have to start getting pedicures with her. -- No More, Dallas

DEAR NO MORE: You say your wife looks great, and she hasn't steered you to a dangerous place yet. While an enema may seem New Age-y, it's actually very old-school. It is a natural way to clean your colon. Trust your wife on this one. I'm sure she has found a reputable establishment to have it done.

By the way, his-and-hers pedicures can be fun, too. Why don't you suggest his-and-hers massage? Many spas have rooms where you can get the service side by side. Have fun!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm feeling overwhelmed with work and family life. I was an avid traveler in my youth, and I miss the feeling of just being able to pack up and escape for a few days. When I told my husband how I was feeling, he said I was making him uncomfortable by talking about how I want to leave the family. I don't want to abandon anyone, but I do want to get in touch with my youthful days. I will not just disappear out of the blue to a new country! I want to plan a vacation for myself, but my husband's suspicions are making me second-guess myself. Is it wrong to take a few days for myself? I have sick days saved up and would like to escape my stressful work and home environment to recharge. -- Wanderlust, San Diego

DEAR WANDERLUST: Wanting a brief getaway is different from desiring to reclaim your youth. It is natural for your husband to be worried. You can allay his fears by first doing some soul searching. What do you really want?

Taking a few days away is something many people do, even wives and mothers with families. If you actually think you can tap into your youth, you need to know that idea is delusional. It would be better to tap into yourself today. If you need a breather, go for it. Be sure to let your husband and children know your plans -- especially that you are coming back home!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven't had the best of luck when it comes to love. Two of my friends have found love on dating sites. So I finally decided to give them a try.

I met a guy on one site, and we immediately hit it off. We like a lot of the same things, like music and restaurants. Our first date was good, and our second date went well. By our third date, however, I noticed that he kept doing the same things repeatedly. He would pay for our meal and then allude that I should pay him back sexually. The first two times, I brushed it off. The third time, though, he did it and then drove us to his house -- without asking. After that, I was done. I demanded to be taken home immediately. I told him to delete my number and that we would no longer be seeing each other. Since then, he's left me numerous gifts on my doorstep. He's also sent letters and even sends gift baskets with flowers to my job.

He went from the perfect date to a complete stalker. I don't know how to get away from this guy. How do I get him to understand that I don't want him? Is this grounds for a restraining order? -- No More Stalking, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR NO MORE STALKING: Contact the dating site and let it know what is happening. Find out if it has any security support it can offer. Tell him to stop with the gifts; you are no longer interested. Make it clear that if he doesn't stop, you will call the police. And yes, if you feel unsafe, make that call. Be safe.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)