DEAR HARRIETTE: Honestly, I've been holding a grudge against a woman in my town, Cindy, for over a decade. I never forgive, and I think that there's no point in me ever needing to interact with this woman after what she has said about my family and me.

A mutual friend of ours has moved into the area and is dedicated to reconciling us. I do not consider Cindy my enemy, but I do hate her. Our mutual friend constantly tells me that Cindy is a "good person" and asks me if I would want to be judged by my actions from so long ago. I do not ever want to speak to Cindy, and my friend will not butt out of my business. Should I cut her off? I feel like someone who talks Cindy up this much could not be a friend of mine. -- Holding On, Salt Lake City

DEAR HOLDING ON: The thing about grudges is that they eat you up inside, even if the reason you are holding onto them is because somebody did you wrong. Forgiveness is so important in life because it frees you from being tormented by whatever the misgiving is that occurred.

Forgiving Cindy for speaking ill of you and your family does not mean that you forget, nor does it require that you be friends with her again. But if you are able to release the negativity that you have been holding for so many years, the two of you may walk through the world more lightly.

As far as your friend who continues to badger you, ask her to stop. Tell her that you will make the effort to forgive Cindy, but you have no intention of being friends with her again. Remind her, if necessary, that this is not her business.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife has developed a passion for new medical treatments that are supposed to cure ailments and signs of aging. I have gotten chemical peels with her, engaged in cryotherapy and gotten Botox, but I am finally drawing the line since she booked us appointments to get enemas. My wife thinks this will cure my back pains and rejuvenate her skin. I think this is just baloney. At first these treatments were a fun way to do something new together, but I don't feel comfortable anymore because I think she took it too far.

My wife and I are in our 40s and admittedly aging, but I still think she is as beautiful as the day I met her. I want to end this "treatment" obsession, but I don't want the adventurous aspect it brought to our relationship to go away. How can I redirect my wife away from these medical procedures? I don't want to have to start getting pedicures with her. -- No More, Dallas

DEAR NO MORE: You say your wife looks great, and she hasn't steered you to a dangerous place yet. While an enema may seem New Age-y, it's actually very old-school. It is a natural way to clean your colon. Trust your wife on this one. I'm sure she has found a reputable establishment to have it done.

By the way, his-and-hers pedicures can be fun, too. Why don't you suggest his-and-hers massage? Many spas have rooms where you can get the service side by side. Have fun!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm feeling overwhelmed with work and family life. I was an avid traveler in my youth, and I miss the feeling of just being able to pack up and escape for a few days. When I told my husband how I was feeling, he said I was making him uncomfortable by talking about how I want to leave the family. I don't want to abandon anyone, but I do want to get in touch with my youthful days. I will not just disappear out of the blue to a new country! I want to plan a vacation for myself, but my husband's suspicions are making me second-guess myself. Is it wrong to take a few days for myself? I have sick days saved up and would like to escape my stressful work and home environment to recharge. -- Wanderlust, San Diego

DEAR WANDERLUST: Wanting a brief getaway is different from desiring to reclaim your youth. It is natural for your husband to be worried. You can allay his fears by first doing some soul searching. What do you really want?

Taking a few days away is something many people do, even wives and mothers with families. If you actually think you can tap into your youth, you need to know that idea is delusional. It would be better to tap into yourself today. If you need a breather, go for it. Be sure to let your husband and children know your plans -- especially that you are coming back home!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven't had the best of luck when it comes to love. Two of my friends have found love on dating sites. So I finally decided to give them a try.

I met a guy on one site, and we immediately hit it off. We like a lot of the same things, like music and restaurants. Our first date was good, and our second date went well. By our third date, however, I noticed that he kept doing the same things repeatedly. He would pay for our meal and then allude that I should pay him back sexually. The first two times, I brushed it off. The third time, though, he did it and then drove us to his house -- without asking. After that, I was done. I demanded to be taken home immediately. I told him to delete my number and that we would no longer be seeing each other. Since then, he's left me numerous gifts on my doorstep. He's also sent letters and even sends gift baskets with flowers to my job.

He went from the perfect date to a complete stalker. I don't know how to get away from this guy. How do I get him to understand that I don't want him? Is this grounds for a restraining order? -- No More Stalking, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR NO MORE STALKING: Contact the dating site and let it know what is happening. Find out if it has any security support it can offer. Tell him to stop with the gifts; you are no longer interested. Make it clear that if he doesn't stop, you will call the police. And yes, if you feel unsafe, make that call. Be safe.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My estranged wife has insisted that we need couple's therapy. I find this so ridiculous, since we are on the path to getting divorced. There's nothing to fix! Our marriage is essentially over. My wife thinks we need this so we can raise our kids better. I think she's just trying to get me into a room with a therapist so they can both tell me how I failed the marriage. I would never normally agree to couple's therapy, but I worry that if I don't go, she'll have a better chance of having custody of our children. Do I go into this therapy trap? -- Barely My Wife, Pittsburgh

DEAR BARELY MY WIFE: Because you two have children, therapy is actually a great idea. You must figure out how to parent your children as a team, even though you don't live together. Let your wife know that you agree -- with the understanding that you will determine how to navigate the children between households as well as the basics on what your values are. Talk with the therapist about how to come to agreements when you experience friction.

If you feel that your wife and the therapist are ganging up on you, stop them and ask if you can agree to work on how to handle the children moving forward rather than rehashing what led to the breakup. It is OK for you to set clear goals in therapy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my friends are high school sweethearts ... sort of. They have been an on-again, off-again couple for about eight years. They began dating in high school, but in no way has their timeline been stable. I have been a listening ear to both of them as we all went through growing pains, and I managed to stay impartial, even during some of their most explosive fights.

I met a girl I really like, and we have been dating for a little under a year now. I fear that the high school "sweethearts" are creating a toxic element in our relationship because of how vicious they get when they fight -- and they bring us into it. I don't want to burn any bridges, but I need to draw up new boundaries without losing our friendship. How can I start this transition to preserve my sanity and budding relationship? -- Love Bites, Dallas

DEAR LOVE BITES: My mother used to remind my sisters and me all the time about the importance of keeping good company. Your longtime friends may not be such good company if there is constant fighting when you are with them. It may be time to choose your mental health and your relationship over their roller coaster romance.

Out of respect for them, tell them where you are. Explain that while you have attempted to stay neutral and present through their rocky relationship, it is wearing on you and your own relationship. So you are pulling back. You don't have to cut them off entirely -- unless that is your choice. You definitely do not have to include them on dates with your girlfriend.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)