DEAR HARRIETTE: My estranged wife has insisted that we need couple's therapy. I find this so ridiculous, since we are on the path to getting divorced. There's nothing to fix! Our marriage is essentially over. My wife thinks we need this so we can raise our kids better. I think she's just trying to get me into a room with a therapist so they can both tell me how I failed the marriage. I would never normally agree to couple's therapy, but I worry that if I don't go, she'll have a better chance of having custody of our children. Do I go into this therapy trap? -- Barely My Wife, Pittsburgh
DEAR BARELY MY WIFE: Because you two have children, therapy is actually a great idea. You must figure out how to parent your children as a team, even though you don't live together. Let your wife know that you agree -- with the understanding that you will determine how to navigate the children between households as well as the basics on what your values are. Talk with the therapist about how to come to agreements when you experience friction.
If you feel that your wife and the therapist are ganging up on you, stop them and ask if you can agree to work on how to handle the children moving forward rather than rehashing what led to the breakup. It is OK for you to set clear goals in therapy.