DEAR HARRIETTE: My children are my pride and joy. I would do anything for them, and I'm trying to raise them to be the best they can be. Lately, however, I don't seem to have as good of a grip on things. My oldest child is a very good student, brings home straight A's and does what's expected of her. My youngest child isn't so "perfect." He wants to do as he pleases, he is satisfied with B's and C's and it's a miracle if something is done out of the kindness of his heart. I don't mean to compare my kids, but I just don't see where I went wrong with my second child. I constantly have to stay on top of him just for him to behave and bring home decent grades. He is more interested in singing than school, and he doesn't see the need for an education. I feel as if we aren't the closest, and I'd really like to feel connected to both of my children. How do I get him to see that there's more in life than just music? How do I get him to want to achieve more? -- Lost Mother, Los Angeles

DEAR LOST MOTHER: I think you need to adopt another strategy. Talk to your son about his dreams and aspirations. Learn what inspires him. Music doesn't have to be a dead end. Help him figure out how to make money living his dream. While you may be able to actually do only a little to help him, your interest in his pursuits will be invaluable. Every human being has his or her own interests and abilities. Your job as a parent is to guide his steps.

As hard as it may seem, you must also accept that not every person is a straight-A student, and that's OK. Try hard not to compare your children; instead, seek to nurture their qualities and help them figure out how to use them to support their lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend has gotten into serious trouble recently. I am wondering if I should remain friends during her time of adversity. She was caught shoplifting at the mall where I work. She wasn't arrested, but the mall cops told her not to come back. People know that we are friends, including the security guards. And she keeps asking if she can meet me after work to hang out, but I don't want to jeopardize my job. She has already come there a couple of times and waited outside for me, but one of the guards saw her and gave me a look. What should I do? -- De-Friend, Columbia, Maryland

DEAR DE-FRIEND: You don't have to end your friendship, but you do have to draw the line. Tell her that you don't want to have to stop seeing her, but if she continues to break the rules by coming to meet you at work, you will have no choice. She broke the law. You cannot allow her irresponsibility to jeopardize your job.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a military veteran, and I was able to go back to college at the age of 40 because of the GI Bill. I just finished my undergrad program a few weeks ago, and I will start my first month of grad school in February. I have not told my parents that I am starting my graduate program. They are expecting me to find a job and move out of the house shortly thereafter. I am taking advantage of the GI bill, and the military is going to pay for my education as long as I go to school. I do not know why I have not told my parents that I am going back to school to pursue further education. I need some help in telling them because I feel like I am doing something bad. Please help. -- Master Veteran, Elizabeth, New Jersey

DEAR MASTER VETERAN: Given that you expect to continue living with your parents, you absolutely must tell them the truth immediately. Your trepidation may come as a result of wishing that you already had your life together. The good news is that you are taking positive steps to ensure that you will be attractive as an employee in your chosen area because of your pursuit of higher education.

Go to your parents. Tell them you need to talk to them. Reveal that you have been accepted into graduate school and that it starts in February. Apologize for not telling them sooner. Describe the schedule for this program and your timeframe for moving out of their house. Ask for their blessing. If they choose not to support this elongated stay, look for a roommate situation that you can afford.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is a foodie, and we go to some amazing restaurants in New York City on a regular basis. I love our dinner dates, but there is one thing that he does that is a bit strange for me to handle. My husband makes random noises when he eats his dinner. It is quite embarrassing because he does not realize that he making these sounds. How can I make my husband aware of the sound he makes during dinner without embarrassing him? -- Bad Habits, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR BAD HABITS: Your duty as your husband's wife -- in my way of thinking -- is to let him know that he is doing something that seems off. Choose a time when you are at home and without distractions to bring up this sensitive topic. Ask your husband if he would be open to a bit of feedback. With his blessing, tell him about the sounds that he makes when you go out to eat and how uncomfortable it makes you. You might need to demonstrate the sounds so that he understands what you are talking about. Suggest that he tone down the sounds in public. Be prepared, however, to have to live with it. These noises may be his unique way of reflecting his pleasure during the meal. You may have to accept that they come with the territory.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a pastry chef, and she lives and works at a luxury resort in Las Vegas. I am so proud of her because she is living her dream. She recently received an invitation from a top culinary school in Paris, offering her a scholarship. She is so excited about going to Paris, but I am nervous wreck after the recent terrorist attacks. I want my daughter to live her dream, but not until it is safe in Paris. What do I do? Do I make her stay in Vegas or allow her to go to France? -- American Girl, Las Vegas

DEAR AMERICAN GIRL: It is perfectly understandable that you would be concerned for your daughter's safety. Sadly, you cannot protect her from terrorism in the United States, either. Witness the countless seemingly random acts of terrorism that have occurred stateside in just the past few months. My vote would be to let her go -- with caution. Find out from the school where she would live and what her environment would be like. Give her your blessing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for almost two years now. We usually see eye to eye; however, lately we've been bumping heads on one issue: He is friends with his ex-girlfriend of four years. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she didn't act the way she does. She calls him for every little thing, always invites him over to her house and to family gatherings, and they hang out at least every couple weeks. I don't try to control who my husband is friends with, but this girl is taking their "friendship" too far. I don't think it's OK for her to call at all times of the night or invite him out without me. She knows he has a wife at home, but that doesn't stop her. What's worse is my husband sees nothing wrong. I tell him how I feel about the situation, but he claims that it's nothing for me to stress over because she's just a friend. My intuition is telling me one thing, but my husband sees things differently. How do I get him to see that this isn't acceptable? I don't want to control him, but I do want his friend to respect us. -- Torn Between the Two, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR TORN BETWEEN THE TWO: I remember when I first started dating my husband. There was a woman who was all-consuming and obviously working to snuff me out, but he didn't see it. I called my mother for advice, and she told me to put my foot down, so to speak. She said I had to claim my man. I say the same to you. It could be true that your husband doesn't see the influence of his ex. Your job is to refocus his lens toward you. Obviously, "how" is the question. If possible, you should work to attract him, rather than deride her. Make your relationship your focus. Encourage him to be with you. But, if the moment requires, tell him that you need him to choose you. You may also need to point out that she is hoping he will choose her.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)