DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a pastry chef, and she lives and works at a luxury resort in Las Vegas. I am so proud of her because she is living her dream. She recently received an invitation from a top culinary school in Paris, offering her a scholarship. She is so excited about going to Paris, but I am nervous wreck after the recent terrorist attacks. I want my daughter to live her dream, but not until it is safe in Paris. What do I do? Do I make her stay in Vegas or allow her to go to France? -- American Girl, Las Vegas

DEAR AMERICAN GIRL: It is perfectly understandable that you would be concerned for your daughter's safety. Sadly, you cannot protect her from terrorism in the United States, either. Witness the countless seemingly random acts of terrorism that have occurred stateside in just the past few months. My vote would be to let her go -- with caution. Find out from the school where she would live and what her environment would be like. Give her your blessing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for almost two years now. We usually see eye to eye; however, lately we've been bumping heads on one issue: He is friends with his ex-girlfriend of four years. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she didn't act the way she does. She calls him for every little thing, always invites him over to her house and to family gatherings, and they hang out at least every couple weeks. I don't try to control who my husband is friends with, but this girl is taking their "friendship" too far. I don't think it's OK for her to call at all times of the night or invite him out without me. She knows he has a wife at home, but that doesn't stop her. What's worse is my husband sees nothing wrong. I tell him how I feel about the situation, but he claims that it's nothing for me to stress over because she's just a friend. My intuition is telling me one thing, but my husband sees things differently. How do I get him to see that this isn't acceptable? I don't want to control him, but I do want his friend to respect us. -- Torn Between the Two, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR TORN BETWEEN THE TWO: I remember when I first started dating my husband. There was a woman who was all-consuming and obviously working to snuff me out, but he didn't see it. I called my mother for advice, and she told me to put my foot down, so to speak. She said I had to claim my man. I say the same to you. It could be true that your husband doesn't see the influence of his ex. Your job is to refocus his lens toward you. Obviously, "how" is the question. If possible, you should work to attract him, rather than deride her. Make your relationship your focus. Encourage him to be with you. But, if the moment requires, tell him that you need him to choose you. You may also need to point out that she is hoping he will choose her.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received a gift for the holidays that I am not happy about in the slightest. As part of a workplace Secret Santa exchange, a co-worker purchased me a pair of XXL spandex shorts and said they hope they fit. I clearly do not need that size, and it was given to me without a gift receipt. Additionally, skimpy shorts are not a funny gift to give a co-worker. I do go to the gym after work sometimes, so this may be where the inspiration for the spandex came from. I am pretty annoyed about this present because it's about four sizes too big, and I will never be able to use it, so it's useless AND everyone at the office laughed at me. I am debating never bringing up the shorts again or going along with everyone's jokes. Should I give this workplace clown the satisfaction of being offended by his gift? -- Not Funny, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR NOT FUNNY: It's unfortunate when people take Secret Santa the wrong way. It is supposed to inspire feelings of good will for everyone involved -- at an affordable price. It is best if you let this go. If your co-workers continue to chide you about it, bring the spandex to work and toss it in the trash can the next time you hear the rude comments. Then, let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My twin children received an invitation in the mail to a classmate's birthday party. After reading the invitation, I realized this party was at a circus that uses animals in their performances. My children have never seen animals in the circus and are a bit too young to understand the plight of the wild animals forced to perform for humans. I do not want them attending this birthday party and will have them drop off a gift at their classmate's house the day before the celebration. I am not sure if I want to explain to my children why they are not going at the risk that they'll speak about it in school and offend the birthday boy and his parents. I was planning on telling them we are having a family day or offering to go to a nature preserve to see animals. My husband is neutral about the whole situation. Should I tell my children why they aren't going to the party? -- No Juggling Cruelty, Detroit

DEAR NO JUGGLING CRUELTY: You are absolutely entitled to your views and stance on the use of animals in entertainment. Since you feel so strongly, it is understandable that you would not want your children to participate in the circus. I like your idea about taking them on a family date to a nature preserve. It shows another side of engaging animals.

I agree that you should not tell your children right now why they aren't going to their friend's party. It would be natural for them to share what they learned from you the next time they see their friends at school. For now, let them know that they can't go because of a previous family commitment. Later on, begin to talk to them about how animals are treated and used in our society and how you feel about it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In a premature effort to lose weight with my friends, we signed up for a fitness retreat about a month ago. This retreat should not have the word "treat" in it -- a bunch of out-of-shape men working out and eating salads all day is definitely not a treat. I do want to change my body, but I definitely jumped the gun in signing up for this retreat. It's later this month, and I am already trying to find ways to get out of it. My friends are all still very excited and keep trying to rouse excitement in an email chain. I just don't think I'll be able to keep up and will have a bad time. I'm trying to think of a plausible excuse to avoid going on this retreat. It has already been paid for, but I don't think I can exercise for that many days. -- Not a Beach Body, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NOT A BEACH BODY: Don't give up before you give it a try! Your friends have the right idea -- go as a group to a retreat site where professionals can teach and motivate you to take care of your bodies. You will likely learn what to eat and how to exercise in order to maintain a healthier lifestyle. Will it be hard? Probably. But that's OK. It's also OK if you can't do everything. What's most important is that you put forth the effort and do your best. Changing eating habits and beginning to exercise are smart for maintaining good health. Don't give up on yourself now. Go for it! You deserve it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I have been given one of the most precious Christmas presents, but also the most destructive. I was given a puppy for Christmas from my family. There was no warning. I live alone a few hours away in a city, and they assumed it was a good idea to give me an 8-week-old puppy. For the first few hours, I was all right with it, but as I thought about it, I realized I can't take care of it. This dog will grow to be 80 pounds, and I live in an apartment. I can't imagine giving this puppy to a shelter, but I need to find someone who will be able to take care of it. I considered giving it back to my family, but I am not sure if a live animal still counts as returning a gift. I love animals and want a dog, but roughly 70 pounds smaller than this one and in a few years. What can I do with this puppy? It's precious, but I can't take care of it. -- Bark Back Home, Dallas

DEAR BARK BACK HOME: Start with your family, specifically whoever purchased the puppy. Explain your dilemma. Ask if that person or another family member may be able to care for the puppy. If that doesn't work, go to your local animal shelter. Often, they find homes for pets. If your puppy is in good health, he should be easy to place.

To all gift-givers out there, please know that it is never recommended to give someone an animal as a gift without the person's explicit permission.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)