DEAR HARRIETTE: I received a gift for the holidays that I am not happy about in the slightest. As part of a workplace Secret Santa exchange, a co-worker purchased me a pair of XXL spandex shorts and said they hope they fit. I clearly do not need that size, and it was given to me without a gift receipt. Additionally, skimpy shorts are not a funny gift to give a co-worker. I do go to the gym after work sometimes, so this may be where the inspiration for the spandex came from. I am pretty annoyed about this present because it's about four sizes too big, and I will never be able to use it, so it's useless AND everyone at the office laughed at me. I am debating never bringing up the shorts again or going along with everyone's jokes. Should I give this workplace clown the satisfaction of being offended by his gift? -- Not Funny, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR NOT FUNNY: It's unfortunate when people take Secret Santa the wrong way. It is supposed to inspire feelings of good will for everyone involved -- at an affordable price. It is best if you let this go. If your co-workers continue to chide you about it, bring the spandex to work and toss it in the trash can the next time you hear the rude comments. Then, let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My twin children received an invitation in the mail to a classmate's birthday party. After reading the invitation, I realized this party was at a circus that uses animals in their performances. My children have never seen animals in the circus and are a bit too young to understand the plight of the wild animals forced to perform for humans. I do not want them attending this birthday party and will have them drop off a gift at their classmate's house the day before the celebration. I am not sure if I want to explain to my children why they are not going at the risk that they'll speak about it in school and offend the birthday boy and his parents. I was planning on telling them we are having a family day or offering to go to a nature preserve to see animals. My husband is neutral about the whole situation. Should I tell my children why they aren't going to the party? -- No Juggling Cruelty, Detroit

DEAR NO JUGGLING CRUELTY: You are absolutely entitled to your views and stance on the use of animals in entertainment. Since you feel so strongly, it is understandable that you would not want your children to participate in the circus. I like your idea about taking them on a family date to a nature preserve. It shows another side of engaging animals.

I agree that you should not tell your children right now why they aren't going to their friend's party. It would be natural for them to share what they learned from you the next time they see their friends at school. For now, let them know that they can't go because of a previous family commitment. Later on, begin to talk to them about how animals are treated and used in our society and how you feel about it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In a premature effort to lose weight with my friends, we signed up for a fitness retreat about a month ago. This retreat should not have the word "treat" in it -- a bunch of out-of-shape men working out and eating salads all day is definitely not a treat. I do want to change my body, but I definitely jumped the gun in signing up for this retreat. It's later this month, and I am already trying to find ways to get out of it. My friends are all still very excited and keep trying to rouse excitement in an email chain. I just don't think I'll be able to keep up and will have a bad time. I'm trying to think of a plausible excuse to avoid going on this retreat. It has already been paid for, but I don't think I can exercise for that many days. -- Not a Beach Body, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NOT A BEACH BODY: Don't give up before you give it a try! Your friends have the right idea -- go as a group to a retreat site where professionals can teach and motivate you to take care of your bodies. You will likely learn what to eat and how to exercise in order to maintain a healthier lifestyle. Will it be hard? Probably. But that's OK. It's also OK if you can't do everything. What's most important is that you put forth the effort and do your best. Changing eating habits and beginning to exercise are smart for maintaining good health. Don't give up on yourself now. Go for it! You deserve it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I have been given one of the most precious Christmas presents, but also the most destructive. I was given a puppy for Christmas from my family. There was no warning. I live alone a few hours away in a city, and they assumed it was a good idea to give me an 8-week-old puppy. For the first few hours, I was all right with it, but as I thought about it, I realized I can't take care of it. This dog will grow to be 80 pounds, and I live in an apartment. I can't imagine giving this puppy to a shelter, but I need to find someone who will be able to take care of it. I considered giving it back to my family, but I am not sure if a live animal still counts as returning a gift. I love animals and want a dog, but roughly 70 pounds smaller than this one and in a few years. What can I do with this puppy? It's precious, but I can't take care of it. -- Bark Back Home, Dallas

DEAR BARK BACK HOME: Start with your family, specifically whoever purchased the puppy. Explain your dilemma. Ask if that person or another family member may be able to care for the puppy. If that doesn't work, go to your local animal shelter. Often, they find homes for pets. If your puppy is in good health, he should be easy to place.

To all gift-givers out there, please know that it is never recommended to give someone an animal as a gift without the person's explicit permission.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a dilemma with my husband about how to have our children refer to the woman who cleans our house. I believe "housekeeper" is a polite term for what she does. My husband, however, says "cleaning lady" is the description of her job. I would feel bad if she heard my children calling her the cleaning lady. This just seems like a lowly term to me, but my husband says I am being too sensitive. I want this woman to feel good about coming to our house. She does not do more than keep everything neat and clean, but I believe she keeps the house tidy so she should be called a "housekeeper." Is calling someone a cleaning lady offensive, or is it simply describing a job? -- No Scrubs, Baltimore

DEAR NO SCRUBS: What does she call herself? That would be a great place to start. If you don't know, ask her. Your husband is not wrong, but honestly, this has more to do with tone than words. I imagine you are extremely grateful for the woman who cleans your home. When you and your family refer to her or introduce her, make sure that you do so with the respect that you have for her role in your home. A twist on your husband's description may be, "This is Rose (or whatever her name is). She is the lady who keeps our home in order." Or "She is the lady who cleans our home." Like you, I prefer "housekeeper." To that end, you can still call her that and encourage your children to do the same. Your husband can make a separate choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an athlete on a great team. We spend money throughout the year on transportation, training and additional coaching. Although there's a financial strain, all the athletes love our sport. Our coach, however, expects extravagant gifts for occasions throughout the season, including her birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day and the end of the season. Previous teams have made it a tradition to give her items from Tiffany & Co., so that is why she expects expensive gifts. I think this should change because any gifts she buys us are funded by the team bank account, and four presents is a lot. We appreciate our coach, but we don't really have the funds to give her all of these presents she's come to expect. Should we explain to her that we are downsizing her presents to cards and two nice ones or just go ahead and make the changes to save money? -- Gift Gamble, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR GIFT GAMBLE: Managing your coach's expectations will be tricky at best. Given her history, she has grown accustomed to being courted in lavish ways. You may want to consider giving her one large gift and the rest much smaller tokens of your appreciation. Get creative with them, though, so that she knows you care. Ideas range from a book you think she would love to read (maybe signed by the author) to a gift certificate for a spa treatment. Yes, a heartfelt card is nice, too. Rather than apologizing about what you can't do, just create new traditions that you can afford and offer the gifts with full gratitude.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)