DEAR HARRIETTE: In a premature effort to lose weight with my friends, we signed up for a fitness retreat about a month ago. This retreat should not have the word "treat" in it -- a bunch of out-of-shape men working out and eating salads all day is definitely not a treat. I do want to change my body, but I definitely jumped the gun in signing up for this retreat. It's later this month, and I am already trying to find ways to get out of it. My friends are all still very excited and keep trying to rouse excitement in an email chain. I just don't think I'll be able to keep up and will have a bad time. I'm trying to think of a plausible excuse to avoid going on this retreat. It has already been paid for, but I don't think I can exercise for that many days. -- Not a Beach Body, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NOT A BEACH BODY: Don't give up before you give it a try! Your friends have the right idea -- go as a group to a retreat site where professionals can teach and motivate you to take care of your bodies. You will likely learn what to eat and how to exercise in order to maintain a healthier lifestyle. Will it be hard? Probably. But that's OK. It's also OK if you can't do everything. What's most important is that you put forth the effort and do your best. Changing eating habits and beginning to exercise are smart for maintaining good health. Don't give up on yourself now. Go for it! You deserve it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I have been given one of the most precious Christmas presents, but also the most destructive. I was given a puppy for Christmas from my family. There was no warning. I live alone a few hours away in a city, and they assumed it was a good idea to give me an 8-week-old puppy. For the first few hours, I was all right with it, but as I thought about it, I realized I can't take care of it. This dog will grow to be 80 pounds, and I live in an apartment. I can't imagine giving this puppy to a shelter, but I need to find someone who will be able to take care of it. I considered giving it back to my family, but I am not sure if a live animal still counts as returning a gift. I love animals and want a dog, but roughly 70 pounds smaller than this one and in a few years. What can I do with this puppy? It's precious, but I can't take care of it. -- Bark Back Home, Dallas

DEAR BARK BACK HOME: Start with your family, specifically whoever purchased the puppy. Explain your dilemma. Ask if that person or another family member may be able to care for the puppy. If that doesn't work, go to your local animal shelter. Often, they find homes for pets. If your puppy is in good health, he should be easy to place.

To all gift-givers out there, please know that it is never recommended to give someone an animal as a gift without the person's explicit permission.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a dilemma with my husband about how to have our children refer to the woman who cleans our house. I believe "housekeeper" is a polite term for what she does. My husband, however, says "cleaning lady" is the description of her job. I would feel bad if she heard my children calling her the cleaning lady. This just seems like a lowly term to me, but my husband says I am being too sensitive. I want this woman to feel good about coming to our house. She does not do more than keep everything neat and clean, but I believe she keeps the house tidy so she should be called a "housekeeper." Is calling someone a cleaning lady offensive, or is it simply describing a job? -- No Scrubs, Baltimore

DEAR NO SCRUBS: What does she call herself? That would be a great place to start. If you don't know, ask her. Your husband is not wrong, but honestly, this has more to do with tone than words. I imagine you are extremely grateful for the woman who cleans your home. When you and your family refer to her or introduce her, make sure that you do so with the respect that you have for her role in your home. A twist on your husband's description may be, "This is Rose (or whatever her name is). She is the lady who keeps our home in order." Or "She is the lady who cleans our home." Like you, I prefer "housekeeper." To that end, you can still call her that and encourage your children to do the same. Your husband can make a separate choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an athlete on a great team. We spend money throughout the year on transportation, training and additional coaching. Although there's a financial strain, all the athletes love our sport. Our coach, however, expects extravagant gifts for occasions throughout the season, including her birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day and the end of the season. Previous teams have made it a tradition to give her items from Tiffany & Co., so that is why she expects expensive gifts. I think this should change because any gifts she buys us are funded by the team bank account, and four presents is a lot. We appreciate our coach, but we don't really have the funds to give her all of these presents she's come to expect. Should we explain to her that we are downsizing her presents to cards and two nice ones or just go ahead and make the changes to save money? -- Gift Gamble, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR GIFT GAMBLE: Managing your coach's expectations will be tricky at best. Given her history, she has grown accustomed to being courted in lavish ways. You may want to consider giving her one large gift and the rest much smaller tokens of your appreciation. Get creative with them, though, so that she knows you care. Ideas range from a book you think she would love to read (maybe signed by the author) to a gift certificate for a spa treatment. Yes, a heartfelt card is nice, too. Rather than apologizing about what you can't do, just create new traditions that you can afford and offer the gifts with full gratitude.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the editor of my high school newspaper. I am the last step in approving articles, layouts and comics before the issue goes out. The most recent issue of the paper went out, and I approved a cartoon about cheerleaders that I thought was funny. It had them doodled with someone in the stands going, "Who is that? What are they even doing?" I thought this was comical because the cheerleaders at my high school aren't popular, and this brought it up in a funny way. No one is particularly sure why they're doing all of their lifts and flips, and I thought it was a funny comic everyone would relate to. The cheerleading team was offended, and I have received backlash about how it wasn't OK to let that comic into the paper. I still think it's funny, but I need to repair the paper's reputation. How can I apologize? I can't go to everyone individually to say sorry! -- Bad Editing, Westchester, New York

DEAR BAD EDITING: While the comic was likely funny, it sounds like it was funny at the cheerleaders' expense. Whenever you, as an editor, allow jabs like that, you can expect some kind of backlash. The first thing you need to think about is your audience. An editor's job is to provide content that is appropriate for and appealing to his or her audience. You must consider what the boundaries should be as it relates to criticizing members of your audience. Clearly, in this case, many feel you went too far.

What you can do is print a note from the editor in the next paper apologizing for being insensitive. You may want to say that you thought the comic was in good fun but see that sometimes critical humor can have too big of a bite.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is a daredevil, and his behavior seems to have gotten more dangerous with age. When he was young, there would be many Band-Aids and even a few hospital visits throughout the years. In his teens, he took up mountain biking and other extreme outdoor sports. He is in his 20s now, and he wants to begin skydiving. This worries me the most out of all of his hobbies because I find it the most dangerous. Whenever I bring this up to my son, he calls me a nag or a worrywart. I know I can't restrict him from doing anything, but if he were severely injured (or worse, killed!), I would never be able to forgive myself for not trying to step in. What can I say to him to make sure he stays safe? I don't know if he'll listen, but I want him to go back to safer activities. -- Daredevil's Mom, Denver

DEAR DAREDEVIL'S MOM: I'm sorry to say that there's virtually nothing you can do. Your son's history shows you who he is and how he wants to spend his time. As his mother, of course you are concerned for his safety and wish he made other choices. Rather than being a doom-and-gloom soothsayer, suggest that your son get as much training as possible in all of his pursuits so that he can perform them as safely as possible.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)