DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a serious problem with remembering people's names. I have never been good at holding on to names in my head. Over the years, what with my work in public office and all, where I meet hundreds of people every year, I really don't know who the people are sometimes. I have tried to do the word tricks that experts have come up with, but to little success. Usually I get around it, but sometimes I run into people who will even ask me, "Do you know who I am?" At least half the time I do not. What can I do when I am stuck in this embarrassing situation? -- Can't Remember, Denver

DEAR CAN'T REMEMBER: Sadly, I know your pain. I have always been challenged remembering people's names. I sometimes don't remember exactly who someone is when I run into them. Generally, though, I recognize when I know people. With that in mind, I can tell you what I do.

I believe that what is most important is to acknowledge people. Greet them warmly. Make eye contact. Shake hands or give a hug, whichever feels right for you and that person in that moment. If you remember who the person is and why you know each other, say something that connects you both to that shared experience. If you recall the last time you saw each other, bring up that moment.

I sometimes ask people to remind me of their name. When I am out and about with others, I let my friends know that I often have what my daughter calls "brain farts" when it comes to names, so they help me with introductions to reduce any discomfort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed that a lot of people I know are really negative. It's worse than the glass is half empty idea. Whenever we talk, all I hear from two of them specifically is what's going wrong, how horrible life is, what somebody did to upset them. It's like a constant drone of bad stuff. I don't want to listen to that anymore. Well, I never really wanted to listen to it, but I was trying to be a good friend and not judge. Now I realize I can't fill my head with that talk and those thoughts. I don't want to just dump my friends. What can I do to change the course of our friendship? -- Choosing Happiness, Dallas

DEAR CHOOSING HAPPINESS: I recently spoke to a good friend who is almost 80 years old. The occasion was the death of another friend. This woman acknowledged the lost life, and then after a few minutes, graciously said, "OK, now let's talk about something uplifting." She easefully changed the subject and introduced a palate cleanser of sorts, making it possible for us to pivot to safer ground.

You can introduce pivot turns into your conversations with naysayers. Literally, you can change the subject. If necessary, you can say, "I want to talk about something happy now." Then introduce a new topic. You can also say, "I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about anything upsetting, sad or gossipy right now. Sorry." If the person continues, you can physically leave the conversation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My nephew does not like to drink water. He drinks way too much soda for someone his age, and I am concerned about his weight. My nephew happens to be sensitive about his weight, which is understandable, considering he is probably a good 40 pounds overweight at age 9. I want to encourage him to drink more water without hurting his feelings. I know what this can lead to. I drank tons of soda and ate lots of fried food as a child. I am fighting off a good 100 pounds of extra weight now. This is not a path my nephew should take. How can I help him make different choices? My sister seems to be oblivious to the consequences of feeding him this junk food. -- Staying Hydrated, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR STAYING HYDRATED: If you are willing to lay it all on the line with your nephew about how your eating habits as a child affected your weight and health as an adult, you stand a chance of getting through to him. People best understand things when they can envision them. Obviously, you can come up with statistics about what sweet, carbonated drinks do to the body. They are readily available. But proof positive of your weight struggles coupled with your telling your nephew exactly what you consumed as a child is more provocative. You should add to your discussion what your activity level was and is.

If you have started a regimen toward health that includes drinking water, eating healthfully and moving your body, perhaps you can create a challenge with your nephew that you two do together. You can check in regularly to see how well he is doing. Creating a buddy system provides structure for making smart choices. You should also talk to your sister and get her involved in your plan so that your nephew is supported on all saides.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I live in a lazy household. My husband and I have three children, but you would think that I am the only one who is responsible for the upkeep of the home. My husband rarely lifts a finger to help with anything, and my kids are rarely inclined to do anything at all. How can I change this pattern? -- Not the Maid, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR NOT THE MAID: You must assign responsibilities to each family member so that they know what is expected of them. Talk to your husband, explain your concern, and ask him to co-sign your plan. Ask him what he would like to do. Then map out what each child should do on a daily and weekly basis. Because this is new, chances are they may not develop the discipline immediately. Create incentives rather than punishments. If you finish your chores by X time, you get to do Y. Pick something that you know will be appealing to your children. By making the incentives fun and manageable, you can get your family into the groove of working together.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: It has been a dream of mine to continue my college education in London. When I spoke to my mentors about my plans, they told me that it would not be a good idea because the American job market will not hold an international degree in the same regard as an American college degree. I respect my mentor, but I really think I should go to London and make my dream come true. Besides, I cannot let my friends down -- this is all I have been talking about ever since I was 10 years old. What are your thoughts? Should I make my dream come true, or should I continue my college education in America with a focus on international studies? -- A Dream Deferred, New York City

DEAR A DREAM DEFERRED: Now is the time to listen to your heart and do your research. You should not think about whether you will be letting down your friends. People can change their minds if they choose. It is your life, not theirs. As far as your mentors, do some research to learn what they mean. If you are pursuing a degree in international studies at a British school that is acclaimed for this major, chances are that you will be well-placed in a job if you have a solid academic record. Figure out what the top schools are, and determine if you can afford to go, either because you can pay the tuition or you can secure scholarships or loans. Once you are prepared to make a decision, you will know what the best choice is for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to attend a small, intimate wedding in a few weeks for one of my college friends. I invited a woman to be my date for the ceremony; however, we are not currently communicating with each other due to a disagreement. Do you think it is wrong for me to call to inform her that I made new arrangements for the wedding? I don't mean to be rude, but we are no longer dating, and she doesn't even know the couple. -- Wedding Crusher, Philadelphia

DEAR WEDDING CRUSHER: You absolutely do not need to hold fast to the wedding invitation with this woman. You do need to let her know that you are no longer expecting her to go with you. You may also want to clear the air regarding your disagreement. Even if you have no intention of getting together with her ever again, it is kind and respectful to close the loop. In the best of worlds, you should contact her and start by addressing whatever the conflict was. Follow up with the point that you are no longer expecting her to join you. If she says she wants to attend anyway, you can either accept her -- if you would like that -- or tell her that's OK, you have made other plans.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)