DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a wonderful summer that included spending a week with friends. They went out of their way to make sure that my family and I were comfortable and had fun. I want to thank them for their generosity. We gave them little gifts when we arrived, but it seems like there should be some kind of follow-up to cap it all off. What do you recommend? -- Filled With Gratitude, Denver

DEAR FILLED WITH GRATITUDE: Why not go the old-fashioned route and send a handwritten thank-you note to your friends? Simply saying thank you is a wonderful way to complete the circle of giving, and it happens rarely these days. Pick out a lovely card with imagery that reflects the style and tone of your friends. Then write something that specifically expresses why you are grateful for the visit you had with them. Finally, have each family member sign the note. Then put it in the mail. Receiving such a note will be sure to put a smile on your friends' faces.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been doing a lot of work to help close out my father's life. He died about a year ago, and it has taken time to get everything together, but we are close. The super in his condo building has been very helpful to me throughout this process. I really couldn't have gotten everything accomplished without his support. I want to do something for him. I know giving him a tip is customary. It seems so cold, though. Is there something else I could do? -- Closing the Loop, Boston

DEAR CLOSING THE LOOP: You definitely should give the super a tip. Make it as large as you can afford. Generally speaking, tips help to round out the income for people in positions like that, so a monetary gift is exactly what he will appreciate. Now, because you want to personalize your sentiment in a significant way, you can also do some other things. If you have a photo of your father in the building, you might put that in an envelope with a card thanking the super for all his efforts to help you handle your father's affairs. You can write that you thought he might appreciate a memento of your dad -- the photo. Or if there is a particular item that belonged to your father that you noticed that the super admired, you could give that to him.

What's most important is that you express your gratitude clearly and that you follow it up with a generous monetary gift. Trust that he will consider this to be a perfect way of you expressing your gratitude for all that he did for you during this difficult period.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been fighting about how to raise our son since he was born. My husband is older, and he comes from a stricter upbringing. In my mind, he terrorizes my son by forcing him to study for hours, and even assigns him additional homework. My husband thinks I coddle and praise my son too much and that this behavior will turn him into a narcissist. This power struggle between us has clearly affected my son, and he has been expelled from school more than once. He is only 9 years old, and he has very few kids left who want to play with him. My son thinks he is the best at everything, and I appreciate his confidence; my husband thinks it's ridiculous that a child should feel so entitled to put other kids down. I know there are apprehensive whispers among my friends about how my son is going to be when he grows up. I want to compromise with my husband so that my little prince isn't being tormented by conflicting parents. What should I do? -- Crossfire, Baltimore

DEAR CROSSFIRE: Find a referee to discuss your parenting conflicts. Parenting or guidance counselors exist who can talk you through your strategies, assess your child's development and make recommendations based on facts, rather than emotions. Encourage your husband to attend meetings with such a professional so that you can get your son on track. Ignore the whispers of your friends for now. Focus on your child and the professional support you secure so that you can figure out your way forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is typically very guarded. While the rest of the girls are going out on the town, she claims she'd rather stay home and eat pizza with her cats. I originally accepted this as her personality -- not everybody loves to party! But she got very drunk one night and was admitting she never learned how to do makeup, where to shop or how to talk to boys. She had declined all offers for years and is now worried it is too late. I assured her that none of this mattered, and we would all help her with whatever she wanted to learn. We are in our early 20s, so I cannot deny she is a little bit behind. The next day, though, she never mentioned the conversation. I tried bringing up going to Sephora for makeovers (for both of us, I didn't want to single her out), and she said she just wanted to watch TV and eat ice cream. She is almost 6 feet tall, has the body of a model and comes from a very well-off family. When she's sober, she is so guarded, but I'm not sure how I can help her if she rejects all "girly" offers and then drunkenly cries about not feeling feminine enough! Should I leave her be, or push her out of her comfort zone? -- Beauty Blunder, St. Louis

DEAR BEAUTY BLUNDER: Invite her for a day out without saying where you are going. Take her to a beauty store, and treat her to a makeover. She may be scared, but this can be the icebreaker entry into a whole new world.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son was previously overweight. Recently, he has committed himself to exercise and has lost so much weight that none of his clothes fit. Like me, he hates shopping, so he has been wearing my pants and his baggy shirts -- he doesn't care that they're too big. The rest of the family chides him on looking "homeless" in his large clothes, and I know he needs new attire, but I can't bear to set foot in a store.

Although one of the problems with my son's new lifestyle is his appearance, an even bigger concern of mine is his advice to others. To change his life around, he used an app to input his height, weight and daily caloric intake to find out how much he would have to exercise to lose a certain amount of weight. He has taken to the habit of asking people what their height, weight and daily caloric intake are so he can help them lose weight. My son is not doing this to offend, and he feels as though he is genuinely helping others. My daughters do not feel the same way, and I doubt the various cashiers and salespeople do, either. How can I get my son to focus on his own appearance and stop telling others how to change theirs? -- Weighted Advice, Syracuse, New York

DEAR WEIGHTED ADVICE: It is common for people who have made a dramatic shift in their way of living to become advocates for their lifestyle choice. Too often, that advocacy can turn into proselytizing, something that few people want to hear. You can gently point out to your son that, just like it took however long for him to recognize that he needed to make a change in his diet and exercise choices, the same is true for others. Further, the various people he is approaching probably find his solicitations offensive rather than helpful or encouraging. You must tell him this. By framing it from his past experience of rejecting input, you may be able to open his eyes. If not, those he encounters will eventually shrug him off dramatically enough to stop him in his tracks.

Dear Harriette: My son received a ton of homework to complete over the summer, but he hasn't completed most of it. I remind him to do his work every morning, but he procrastinates and doesn't do it. Yet he wants to go out and play with his friends and have a good time. I don't want to punish him every day, but I have to get him to complete his work. What do you recommend? -- Facing Homework, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR FACING HOMEWORK: Wake your son up early, before any distractions can come into the picture. Make sure all "screens" -- cellphones, video games and TVs -- are out of view. Sit with your son to work on his homework. Do your best to engage him. Talk about the importance of responsibility for a great life. Work together each day so that you get the work done. Don't do the work for him; just talk through it with him. Your involvement may help to turn the corner.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)