DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son was previously overweight. Recently, he has committed himself to exercise and has lost so much weight that none of his clothes fit. Like me, he hates shopping, so he has been wearing my pants and his baggy shirts -- he doesn't care that they're too big. The rest of the family chides him on looking "homeless" in his large clothes, and I know he needs new attire, but I can't bear to set foot in a store.

Although one of the problems with my son's new lifestyle is his appearance, an even bigger concern of mine is his advice to others. To change his life around, he used an app to input his height, weight and daily caloric intake to find out how much he would have to exercise to lose a certain amount of weight. He has taken to the habit of asking people what their height, weight and daily caloric intake are so he can help them lose weight. My son is not doing this to offend, and he feels as though he is genuinely helping others. My daughters do not feel the same way, and I doubt the various cashiers and salespeople do, either. How can I get my son to focus on his own appearance and stop telling others how to change theirs? -- Weighted Advice, Syracuse, New York

DEAR WEIGHTED ADVICE: It is common for people who have made a dramatic shift in their way of living to become advocates for their lifestyle choice. Too often, that advocacy can turn into proselytizing, something that few people want to hear. You can gently point out to your son that, just like it took however long for him to recognize that he needed to make a change in his diet and exercise choices, the same is true for others. Further, the various people he is approaching probably find his solicitations offensive rather than helpful or encouraging. You must tell him this. By framing it from his past experience of rejecting input, you may be able to open his eyes. If not, those he encounters will eventually shrug him off dramatically enough to stop him in his tracks.

Dear Harriette: My son received a ton of homework to complete over the summer, but he hasn't completed most of it. I remind him to do his work every morning, but he procrastinates and doesn't do it. Yet he wants to go out and play with his friends and have a good time. I don't want to punish him every day, but I have to get him to complete his work. What do you recommend? -- Facing Homework, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR FACING HOMEWORK: Wake your son up early, before any distractions can come into the picture. Make sure all "screens" -- cellphones, video games and TVs -- are out of view. Sit with your son to work on his homework. Do your best to engage him. Talk about the importance of responsibility for a great life. Work together each day so that you get the work done. Don't do the work for him; just talk through it with him. Your involvement may help to turn the corner.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a regular at the town deli for years. The men behind the counter know my name and are always very friendly. Recently, they have stopped charging me for my drink and give it to me for free. The first time it happened, I thanked them and took the drink, expecting it to never happen again. Now, every time I come in, the drink is free. I don't know whether I am supposed to accept this gift or graciously contest it until they allow me to pay. What do I do? -- Drink Dazed, Seattle

DEAR DRINK DAZED: It is the practice of some retailers to show gratitude to regular customers by giving them small tokens of appreciation, such as a free drink or a discount on a purchase. This is considered a courtesy that tends to be offered to special customers. Your town deli operators are likely offering you this same courtesy. What you may want to do in order to feel more comfortable is to purchase other items to go along with your drink. If they attempt to give those to you as well, put your foot down and tell them that you absolutely must pay for them. You have been a regular customer for years, and you want to continue that tradition, which means you have to be able to buy something. Say this with a smile so it does not come off as a confrontation. Speak with strength so that they know that, as the customer, you remain in charge of yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For my birthday this year, I asked my immediate family to gift me money if they chose to give me a present. I am in my 20s, and I am very picky. I very rarely enjoy gifts if I am surprised with them. As I was opening my presents, I saw that my stepfather had given me a necklace that I did not care for at all. I pretended to like it when I opened it, and he was happy I appeared to like it. It has been sitting in my room since I got it, and I am not sure what to do. I want to return it so I can buy myself something I like, but I am nervous he may ask where it is somewhere down the line. What should I do? -- Gift Gaffe, Queens, New York

DEAR GIFT GAFFE: It is so difficult for everybody to get it right when it comes to gift-giving. Yes, cash seems perfect to you as a gift. To your stepfather, who is likely trying his best to connect with you, an actual gift item seems more personal. Do not crush his feelings by saying anything about the necklace or exchanging it. Instead, consider it his offering of love to you. You don't have to like it, but do appreciate the sentiment. For the future, remind your family that your tastes are changing as you mature, and you really would appreciate monetary gifts so that you can shop for yourself. Ask your mother to support you in this effort.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have decided to turn a new leaf, as they say. I realize that I have been holding a few grudges against friends from many years ago, and I don't think it's worth it. I cut a few people off because of specific things that occurred in our friendships that really upset me. While I thought they were legitimate at the time, I don't care much anymore. As I am thinking about what I want to do, I am uncertain as to how to re-enter any of these friendships. I have forgiven, but it is impossible to forget. How do you let a friend back in if you feel that he or she has betrayed your trust? Can you really be friends again? -- At the Friendship Door, Dallas

DEAR AT THE FRIENDSHIP DOOR: Forgiveness is one of the most powerful spiritual practices, in that it releases you from the bondage of your intense negative emotion as it also releases the person in question. Forgiveness does not require that you allow a person back into your inner sanctum, though. I believe that people must earn entry to your heart. They must prove that they can be sensitive in the ways that you need and appreciate. They must have the capacity and desire to be thoughtful and caring about you when needed. They must be honest and tender when sharing their input. If these people can prove to you that they are capable of and interested in stepping back into the sacred space of your heart, only then should you allow them in.

For now, you can release all negative feelings and even reach out to your former friends to share your loving thoughts. You can even get together with them, but don't become so chummy that you forget that they no longer reside in your inner sanctum. Only open that door to those who are deserving of entrance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been enjoying the summer a lot. This means so much to me because we spent the winter arguing almost every day. I think that part of the reason things have been better is that we have enjoyed spending time together outside in the sun. We love the summer and the many activities you can participate in. I'm worried that now that fall and winter are approaching, we may end up back in a nasty place. What can I do to avoid making a wrong turn? -- Craving Light, Chicago

DEAR CRAVING LIGHT: Start talking to your husband about scheduling a vacation in the winter where you go to a warm-weather locale. Yes, this type of vacation comes with a steep price tag, but your marriage is worth it. Talk about dream destinations and affordable versions. Consult a travel agent, or visit one of the many travel websites to shop for prices. Plan your trip together. This will help you stay focused on a shared goal while you are at home. Then, have maximum fun during your trip, and recall those memories regularly as you create new positive experiences at home.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)