DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been on-again, off-again exercising for the past few years, and I don't think it's working very well. I feel like I keep gaining weight, even when I make an effort. I know I am not a marathoner or anything, but I do watch my diet and I do some form of exercise several days a week. Even so, over the course of the summer I actually gained about 10 pounds. I feel so mad at myself. In other parts of my life, I do a really good job of doing my best. Why is it so hard with my weight? And what can I do to feel better about myself? -- Claiming Me, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CLAIMING ME: As we grow older, our metabolisms change. That means that what we were able to easily eat a few years ago processes in our bodies differently today. You may be facing a metabolic shift in your body due to the aging process. The best way to find out is to get a complete physical. Talk to your doctor about your weight concerns, and ask for guidance on how to curb your weight and get into shape. It may be helpful for you to go to a nutritionist for a while, someone who can evaluate what you are eating and how it is processing in your body. You may also want to engage a physical trainer or join an exercise class. Working out with others can be motivating, especially for people who have a hard time developing discipline.

As far as how you feel about yourself, of course it can be harder when you aren't happy with the person you see in the mirror, but I highly recommend that you keep looking at yourself and expressing self-love. Choose to love yourself just as you are. This will make it easier for you to do the things that will make your body healthier.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got so much into chilling this summer that I ended up missing some important meetings that I had scheduled early in the season. I feel like such a loser. My plan was to get a job by the end of the summer, but I needed to take off a few months to clear my head. Now I worry that I am too late to get a job. Fall is around the corner; I haven't started looking yet, and I have flaked on the few opportunities that were set up. How can I get it together? -- Need to Focus, Detroit

DEAR NEED TO FOCUS: Pretend like fall is already here. Set up your home office area in a professional manner, even if it is on top of your dining-room table. Make a written list each day of who you need to call, starting first with the apologies for the meetings you missed. Ask those people if you can reschedule. If so, do not dwell on why you didn't show up. Focus on why you would be the right fit to work with them. Contact people you know who may be able to make introductions for you. Be clear about what you want to do, and promote your skills and qualities that make you right for the position. Do not give up, even if it takes a while to find work.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: For the past five years, I have been complaining about my husband to everybody who would listen, it seems like. He was so irritating to me in a thousand different ways, and after I had talked to him about it forever, I took to talking to other people. Earlier this year, a friend of mine lost her husband to cancer. She had been a big complainer about him, too. I have watched, though, how grief has changed her view of him and their relationship. She seems to be filled with remorse about his death and about how she was unkind to him, even though she admits that he was also unkind to her. This has got me to thinking: I don't want to die mad at my husband or at myself. I really would like to have a happy marriage, but I don't have a clue as to how to mend our old wounds. What do you suggest? -- Reclaiming Love, Syracuse, New York

DEAR RECLAIMING LOVE: Be grateful that your eyes have opened to the possibility of change! Go home and tell your husband about your revelation. Tell him that you want to have a healthier, happier marriage, and that you hope he wants that, too. Suggest that you get counseling support to help guide you both to a more loving space.

Do your best to remember happy times that you have spent together. What did you enjoy doing when you first got married? What made you smile? Talk to each other about dating again. Act like newlyweds and explore your city and each other. Take it slow with a renewed commitment to enjoy the precious time that you have together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my new friends from work likes to write me texts and other messages to get together and update me about various things. She never spells my name right, which drives me up the wall. My name is not difficult, but even if it were, it is written in my signature on my emails and on my stationery. It really is not hard to verify the spelling. I have written her back and always spell out my name, hoping she will notice. So far, she's oblivious. Is it rude for me to point out how to spell my name? It irritates me every time I see that she spells it wrong. What should I do? -- Spell Check, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR SPELL CHECK: A person after my own heart! I am a big believer in spelling people's names correctly. That is how you are identified, so it counts for a lot. I am also a believer in telling people rather than hoping that they will figure it out. Chances are, your new, eager friend is so excited about connecting with you that she has no idea that she is dishonoring you by misspelling your name.

Rather than reprimand her, write back to her and say, "FYI: This is how you spell my name." When you see her, tell her that you are a stickler for having your name spelled right. You hope she understands. That's why you corrected it in your recent email. That should do the trick!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a big blowup with an old friend several years ago. We didn't speak for a period of time because I needed to focus on other pressing issues in my life. I am scheduled to spend a weekend with her this summer -- just the two of us. While a lot of time has passed since our falling-out, I'm wondering if I should bring it up and explain why I was so upset with her. Or should I just stay in the present? -- Clearing the Way, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR CLEARING THE WAY: My first recommendation would be for you to stay in the present. Many friends go through periods of friction. You seem to have survived it, either based on time simply letting things die down or true forgiveness. Either way, it may not be necessary to discuss the past, especially if you both have moved on.

If, however, your moment of contention from years ago naturally comes up, be prepared to discuss it. Allow the time that has passed to let you be more neutral about the situation. Talk in fact rather than in emotion if you can. If the point of your conflict was emotional, though, state that as a fact. If you feel that discussing it will open old wounds to no good end, you can also express your concern and ask your friend not to go down that path or to agree to proceed with caution, knowing that it could be a relationship-breaker for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a volatile relationship with my husband for several years now. It feels like he screams at me over every little thing. And he often uses profanity and calls me any possible name that the Lord didn't love. It is just horrible.

Now, my grandson who visits us regularly has started using that foul language. I can't stand it. My sweet grandson turned around and called me a b---- the other day. I have had enough of this madness. How can I get my husband to understand that he should not speak to me in this way, and how horribly it is affecting our grandson? -- Reeling It In, Baltimore

DEAR REELING IT IN: Chances are, your husband loves your grandson unconditionally, or at least he believes he does. During a calm moment when the two of you are alone, tell him that you want to talk to him about something important. Ask for his blessing to listen. Then point out to him the specific time when your grandson called you that word. Tell him how horrified you were. Point out that you know he learned it because when your husband is angry, he often calls you that. Tell him how sad it makes you that the two of you haven't figured out how to argue without being hostile. Tell him you hope that you two can work to be kinder to each other. Add that you are certain that he does not mean to teach his grandson to speak profanely to his grandmother. Ask him to work with you to choose more loving language around the boy -- and in general.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)