DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a big blowup with an old friend several years ago. We didn't speak for a period of time because I needed to focus on other pressing issues in my life. I am scheduled to spend a weekend with her this summer -- just the two of us. While a lot of time has passed since our falling-out, I'm wondering if I should bring it up and explain why I was so upset with her. Or should I just stay in the present? -- Clearing the Way, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR CLEARING THE WAY: My first recommendation would be for you to stay in the present. Many friends go through periods of friction. You seem to have survived it, either based on time simply letting things die down or true forgiveness. Either way, it may not be necessary to discuss the past, especially if you both have moved on.

If, however, your moment of contention from years ago naturally comes up, be prepared to discuss it. Allow the time that has passed to let you be more neutral about the situation. Talk in fact rather than in emotion if you can. If the point of your conflict was emotional, though, state that as a fact. If you feel that discussing it will open old wounds to no good end, you can also express your concern and ask your friend not to go down that path or to agree to proceed with caution, knowing that it could be a relationship-breaker for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a volatile relationship with my husband for several years now. It feels like he screams at me over every little thing. And he often uses profanity and calls me any possible name that the Lord didn't love. It is just horrible.

Now, my grandson who visits us regularly has started using that foul language. I can't stand it. My sweet grandson turned around and called me a b---- the other day. I have had enough of this madness. How can I get my husband to understand that he should not speak to me in this way, and how horribly it is affecting our grandson? -- Reeling It In, Baltimore

DEAR REELING IT IN: Chances are, your husband loves your grandson unconditionally, or at least he believes he does. During a calm moment when the two of you are alone, tell him that you want to talk to him about something important. Ask for his blessing to listen. Then point out to him the specific time when your grandson called you that word. Tell him how horrified you were. Point out that you know he learned it because when your husband is angry, he often calls you that. Tell him how sad it makes you that the two of you haven't figured out how to argue without being hostile. Tell him you hope that you two can work to be kinder to each other. Add that you are certain that he does not mean to teach his grandson to speak profanely to his grandmother. Ask him to work with you to choose more loving language around the boy -- and in general.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I see my aunt and uncle, my uncle does not talk. I originally chalked this up to his personality, which I perceived to be calm and quiet. Lately, I have been hearing stories about how funny and active he is in other situations. For example, we will be at dinner ordering shared dishes, and he'll say he is going to the bathroom, then he orders his own plate with a different waiter. I have never heard accounts of him acting like this when I am not around. Am I the problem? He barely speaks in my presence, unless it is to say a negative fact about whatever the conversation topic is. Is there any way I could get him to be kinder? -- Iced Out, Boston

DEAR ICED OUT: My dear, you are going to have to drum up the courage to approach your uncle and find out what's going on. As challenging as this may seem, it is the only way you are going to get to the bottom of this situation. In private, ask your uncle why he does not speak around you. Ask him if you have offended him in some way, or if something occurred that made him choose to be silent around you. Tell him that you sincerely hope you have not done anything to disrespect him. Explain that you are asking because you thought he was always quiet, but you learned from other family members that it appears that he is quiet around you only. Push to get an answer.

It could be a case of perception versus reality. Is there anything different about you? Did you go away to school and come back home? If your life experience has expanded beyond most of your family members, there could be the belief that you are now more worldly or educated and, in turn, more judgmental. Whatever the issue may be, your job is to make sure your uncle knows that you love him and want to talk to him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father has a very large pickup truck that he uses for work. Years of dogs, workers and wear and tear have made it smell atrocious. I can barely sit in it for 20 minutes! I have offered to help clean it, but my father gets offended. I cannot force myself to spend any more time in that smelly car. What else can I do? -- Nose Plug, Dallas

DEAR NOSE PLUG: You are talking about your father. Now is the time to stand up and tell him that you are sorry to hurt his feelings, but you need him to know that his truck has an unbearable smell. If he still refuses to clean it, you can make the choice to visit with your dad on other terms. Drive your own car when you go to see him. Spend time with him outdoors, in the home, anywhere other than the truck. Put your foot down when he asks you to hop in. Tell him you will meet him at his destination instead.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is very, very Italian. With our heritage comes darker, thicker hair. I consider the hair on my head a blessing, but have recently gotten comments regarding my arm hair -- typically, girls do not have dark arm hair like mine. I was bullied about my arm hair in elementary school, but then grew nonchalant about it. I am not getting bullied now, but casual comments such as, "Did you miss a laser appointment?" or "Shouldn't you wax your arms?" have been making me feel insecure. I do not mind it, but do not want boys to think I am gross because of how my arms look. Should I get rid of it for the sake of silence, or continue to deflect the comments? -- All About That Hair, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR ALL ABOUT THAT HAIR: You have to do what is comfortable for you. It is true that in our culture, many women and even men choose to shave, wax or even permanently remove body hair, including from the arms. There are safe treatments for conducting this procedure. But that doesn't mean that you should do them. Your decision should be based on your comfort level and your aesthetic choices.

Since hair does grow back under most circumstances, you could experiment and have it shaved once to see how you feel and how you feel about reactions to you. If you like it, you can continue. If not, you can simply grow it back. It is your choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gotten to the age where my friends have young children. When we go out to dinner, they always bring their children, even if it is to a fancier establishment. I am not a mother, and I have witnessed their kids in restaurants behaving poorly or even refusing to eat any of the food and causing a scene. The parents usually mitigate their children's outbursts by handing them a phone or tablet to entertain themselves. I find this to be the worst way to handle the situation because it seems like two layers of disrespecting the restaurant. The first being the yelling and crying, the second being tablets and screens out on the dinner table. Is there anything I can say to the parents to prevent situations like this? -- Dinner Disaster, Seattle

DEAR DINNER DISASTER: This is tricky in that I think it is a very good idea for parents to take their children out to eat on a regular basis. This is how they learn how to behave in a restaurant, how to engage a waiter, etc. Yet, if they haven't had significant instruction and reinforcement at home, bedlam can ensue in public.

You may want to offer to support the dining experience by helping to engage the children. You could suggest to your friends, before the meltdowns, that you would like to present an alternative to screens, such as word games that everybody participates in, or storytelling at the table where each person -- children included -- build upon one story. This gets everybody thinking and activated. Helping rather than judging should ease the discomfort and may provide a means to a more wholesome experience for all.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)