DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke up with my boyfriend a little less than a year ago because of his drug addiction. He spiraled so far down that he got arrested, had a $100,000 bail and got kicked out of school. We lost contact because I did not want to see him throw his life away. Now he is on parole and gets tested multiple times a week, so he cannot drink alcohol or use drugs. We have reconnected, and started dating again. I love him when he is sober, but the drug tests won't last forever. Should I tell him it's me or the drugs? -- Sober Society, Detroit

DEAR SOBER SOCIETY: Drug addiction is an insidious disease that can easily show its face again and again, even in people who make huge efforts to be sober. That does not mean that if your boyfriend has been a drug addict, that you should simply walk away. Life is not that simple -- nor is love. Given that you have reconnected with this man, it must mean that you care deeply for him. I suggest that you take it very slowly. While you are choosing to spend time with him, be mindful of his parole. Consider that your levels of intimacy will move slowly, too. There is no need for you to be all in immediately, especially given that even the terms of his freedom are conditional now.

Take your time. Be a great support for him. And make it clear to him what your values and expectations are. If you are willing to walk away from the relationship completely if he does not stay clean, tell him. Explain that you are willing to forgive him once, but you are unwilling to be a serial forgiver. You want your man to be strong and clean and prepared to move forward in life. If that's who he wants to be, then you are in.

Do know that he should remain in some type of treatment or support group so that he will remain clean.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend's cat is getting very old, and I think it is time they put it down. The cat can barely walk, is blind and is practically deaf. The family loves it too much to see that it is suffering. They have no experience putting down a pet, but I do, and I think they should consider it. Are there any hints I could drop about euthanasia, or should I let the family come to terms on their own? -- No More Pain, Salt Lake City

DEAR NO MORE PAIN: It was once common for families to euthanize their animals, and it was an open type of conversation. Times have changed dramatically now, and it is almost considered taboo in some circles.

Tread lightly. You may want to tell your own family's story. Talk about your family pets and what happened during the end of their lives. If you have a story that could directly relate to this cat, share that -- without judgment. You can explain that your veterinarian recommended euthanasia for particular reasons. Tell them that this is often considered a humane option. But don't press. They must make their own decision.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father's dog died suddenly last January. He was not prepared for the dog to pass and was devastated. Since he is older and does not have any children living with him and his wife, the dog became a replacement for a child. I understand mourning a death, but it is almost fall, and the dog's food bowl, tennis ball and leash are still in the house. I am not sure how to proceed. There are talks of getting my dad a puppy, but the other dog's belongings are thrown about the house. Should I suggest a memory box of some sort? Is it insensitive? I really feel as though it is time to move on. -- Dog Days Are Over, Denver

DEAR DOG DAYS ARE OVER: I love your idea of a memory box. You may also want to consider hosting a memorial service of sorts. For starters, suggest to your father's wife that you want to help the family heal from this loss. If she agrees, you can suggest it to your father together. Create a small service where you invite the people who are closest to your father who also loved the dog. People can say something about the dog and how much they loved it. Then, the items can be placed in a beautiful box that you secure, and it can be put in a special place. If both your father and his wife want a puppy, arrangements should be made to secure it shortly after this service.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hung out with an old friend for a few days this summer, and I have to tell you that I left exhausted. We used to be ace buds, and we went lots of places together and talked all the time. That was some years ago. When we got together this time, I feel like what I heard the most were stories of how unhappy she is in her life and everything that's going wrong. I am not a therapist. I get that you want to let your hair down with your friends, but it was too much. She wants to hang out soon, but I don't have the capacity to listen to that again. When we were together, I suggested that she see a professional. She didn't want to hear that. How can I back out of this upcoming date or control the content of our conversations? -- Against a Wall, Dallas

DEAR AGAINST A WALL: You must take care of yourself, even as you make the effort to spend time with your friend. For the next get-together, if you want to go, find out if it can be a larger group of people. In this way, you won't be held hostage when your friend sinks into her sad place.

You might also organize activities that require you to do something, like going to the museum or watching a movie, or attending an art opening or a class of some kind. Try to get your friend out of her head by engaging in an activity. You can also tell your friend that you do not want to go down the sad road when she starts. Tell her that area is reserved for a professional.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went out to dinner with a couple of friends, and during our conversation, things got kind of deep. We were talking about our lives and what's been going on. One friend recently lost her mother, and she was feeling particularly vulnerable. When it was her turn to talk, I thought she would tell us about her mom or talk about what she's been going through. Instead, she asked all of us a question: She wanted to know if we had any regrets in our lives. She said that while she was watching her mother die, she kept thinking about how much she had been working and how she took time off only in the last couple months of her mother's life to really be with her. She said she regretted not being there for her more. She wanted to know what we thought about our own lives. It got me to thinking, and I spiraled into a bad place.

I have a thousand regrets: I am not in the job I want. I am still single. I hardly ever see my friends. The list is long -- so long it feels like there's nothing I can do about it. Do you have a suggestion for how to climb out of the regrets into a better place? -- Losing Regrets, Seattle

DEAR LOSING REGRETS: Replace counting your regrets with counting your blessings. What you focus on is what will guide your life. Do not get caught up in what has not worked out for you. There is no value in that.

It is understandable that your friend was caught, at least momentarily, in that space since her mother died. All kinds of emotions bubble up after such loss. But you do not have to fall into that place. Whenever your "failures" come top of mind, look for the blessings, even in those experiences. And forge your life forward. Practice gratitude. It will help be a salve for your pain.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent the day with my husband on Sunday with no children and no distractions. We were mainly driving around doing chores. From the beginning of the day, he was so testy. I never realized how much he curses. It is constant. It seems like everything sparks outrage. When I asked him what was wrong, he got his back up and said nothing was wrong. He told me that one of our problems is that I don't read him well at all. That may be true, but honestly, I think he doesn't realize how he behaves. I didn't like spending the day with him, which made me sad. We have been working hard to get along better, but that day only emphasized how much we don't get along. What can I do to make it better? -- Not In Sync, Boston

DEAR NOT IN SYNC: Perhaps a relationship translator can help you -- namely a counselor or coach. Since you both want to improve your marriage, there's a chance you will both agree to talk to someone together. An outside, impartial party may be able to hear what each of you does to push the other's buttons and help you to figure out other ways to communicate.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)