DEAR HARRIETTE: I chose to go to a university in another state. The tuition is very expensive, and recently my family has hit a rough financial patch. My parents originally gave me their blessing to leave the state, and my mom has a plan to pretend we live in Florida to give me in-state tuition. My older sister is calling me selfish for allowing my mom to go through with this plan because it is illegal. I reminded my sister that our mother told me I could go to the school, so our parents will figure out the financial aspect. I feel bad being the reason my mother is breaking the law, but she told me I could go. What should I do? -- Small-Town Budget, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR SMALL-TOWN BUDGET: As you might imagine, I cannot suggest that you or your mother break the law. I can tell you what some other people have done that is effective and not illegal. If your mother knows someone in the neighboring state who would let her live there, at least part-time, so that she legitimately has an address in that state, do that. Perhaps your mom can spend weekends at the house or come once a week or so. I know a family who actually moved to a different state and lived with friends for four years so their child could go to school for a dramatic discount. You can figure this out without breaking the law.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the years, I have often visited a beach community and had a great time with the people there. I haven't been there in a while, though, because of work and health issues. I have been invited to come for a weekend soon, and I'm a little nervous. I have gained a lot of weight and really don't feel attractive. I am afraid that people will look at me on the beach in a swimsuit and make comments under their breath. I am not sure how I will be able to handle that if it happens. I already feel uncomfortable about where I am. Should I stay home? -- Beached Whale, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR BEACHED WHALE: While you are especially self-conscious about your changing body, there is a high probability that there will be every size and shape of body on the beach when you visit this summer. Most women wish their bodies were different. Instead of bemoaning your state, consider yourself part of a community of people who want to share the summer more than scrutinize bodies. Resist the temptation to judge others. Focus instead on the good time you are having.

Be sure to wear a swimsuit that fits, and invest in a cover-up that allows you to be more modest while you are on the beach. That can act like a security blanket. By the way, since this is a place where you know the people, chances are most of them will greet you warmly because they genuinely miss you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently re-entered the workforce after several years of being at home with my children. I am very fit and trim. I'm told by all of my friends that I look really good for my age, and that I don't look my age at all. I am asked my age all the time, though. It's weird. When I am at an event for work, anything from a business meeting to a cocktail party, people feel comfortable asking me how old I am. I never ask people that. I really don't think it's anybody's business. How can I bow out of the age game without offending anyone? -- Ageless, Detroit

DEAR AGELESS: People probably ask your age because you look so good. You can consider the question a compliment. Or -- do not answer the question! To keep things light, you can be demure and say something like, "A lady never tells her age!" If you stay upbeat and do not show any type of discomfort with the question while not answering it, they should leave you alone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week, my mom drove my little brother home from a party while drunk. My mother went out to a bar, and when he called her to ask for a ride, she left her friends at the bar and picked him up. He did not know she was under the influence until he was already in the car. She was swerving and blubbering incoherently. My brother made it home unscathed and immediately called my sister and me. We do not live at home any longer, and I doubt our parents know he told us. Is there any way to bring this up without causing an uproar? We just want to set boundaries and protect all family members. -- Sober Sisters, Detroit

DEAR SOBER SISTERS: Perhaps uproar is exactly what this moment needs. Your mother and your brother are extremely lucky that no one got hurt during that drive. Take the risk to talk to your parents. If possible, go home and face your mother and father when you bring up what happened. If you cannot get home in a timely manner, get one or both of your parents on the phone, preferably with you and your sister on the line. This may end up feeling like an intervention, so having a witness is helpful. Tell your parents that you learned that your mother drove your brother home while drunk and that you know that she was swerving and it made your brother very nervous. Express your sincere concern for your mother and brother.

If you know that drinking is an issue for your mother, don't skirt it. Say that you know this is not a new thing, but it has gotten dangerous and you are worried. If this comes as a complete surprise, say as much. Either way, ask that they do whatever they must to ensure the health and safety of your brother and her. Expect one or both of them to deny or diminish what happened. Ignore that. Follow up with your brother to make sure he is OK in the aftermath of the conversation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a woman at a conference I attended and learned that she has years of experience in the business I just got involved in. Once I learned that, I basically stalked her. Every time we saw each other, I asked her as many questions as I could so that I could learn from her. I feel like I may have turned her off, but I didn't want her to leave without gaining wisdom from her. I really do hope that we can stay in touch. How can I smooth things over as I reach out to her to keep the conversation going? -- Wannabe, Miami

DEAR WANNABE: Send this woman a thank-you note, telling her how grateful you are to have met her. Acknowledge that you know you were a bit pushy -- admit that you were just excited to meet someone in your field. Ask her if she would be willing to mentor you. Be specific in your request. Ask if she would talk to you several times a year about your business. Ask if she would be willing to give you advice if you come upon a professional stumbling block. Thank her in advance for considering your request. Then back off until you hear from her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a business conference that was focused around women. I had a great time and made a lot of good connections. I also noticed that several of the women attendees brought their husbands. The men didn't participate in the daytime activities, but I often saw them at night in the hotel restaurant or walking around on the property. I didn't think that was an option. I bet my husband would have enjoyed being at a resort location if we could hang out together at night. How can I make that happen at my next conference? Don't get me wrong -- I don't feel like I missed out on anything. There were activities for the attendees every night, so I was busy, but my husband and I haven't had a vacation in a long time. Sneaking in a mini-vacay could be nice. -- Splitting the Difference, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE: It is not unusual for families to tag along during professional conferences in the summer. Sometimes it can be just a spouse. Other times, spouses and children come to these events and hang out with the conference attendee parent during off-hours. Depending on the nature of the conference, sometimes there are family activities built in so that family members aren't really peripheral at all.

In the future, check with the conference organizers to get their view on bringing spouses or children to the event. If they frown upon it, another option is to have your spouse arrive on the last day and you stay over an extra night or two.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)