DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I run in different social circles. His friends are a louder, wilder bunch, whereas my friends prefer more intimate and silly gatherings. I do not mind how my boyfriend's friends like to socialize, but I never enjoy myself when he drags me along to the gatherings. We are simply different types of social beings. Recently, his friends have been questioning him as to why my friends do not hang out with them. The truth is that none of my friends want to spend time in the environments they create. Is there any polite way to relay this message, or do we just keep avoiding and hope they take the hint? -- Not Quite Social Butterflies, Orlando, Florida

DEAR NOT QUITE SOCIAL BUTTERFLIES: This is a tricky situation that could have major implications if you and your boyfriend decide to get serious, mainly because interacting with friends is a significant part of a relationship. While you may not love the way that his friends hang out, it is a good idea for you to hang out with them sometimes. Corralling your friends to come along is another matter, however. You can tell your boyfriend that your friends are more low-key than his bunch, so they prefer not to join his gatherings. You can tell him that their gatherings are not your cup of tea, either, although you will come sometimes to support him.

Ideally, you need to figure out a happy medium where you spend some time with him and his friends and he spends some time with you and your friends. Otherwise, you will face a chasm down the line.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday, my mother called me to tell me she had organized a family vacation. I knew we would go on a family vacation sometime this summer, but she called me with hotel rooms already booked! The timing is horrible for me, and I do not want to go. I would be sharing a hotel room, so the room would have to be booked regardless. I have already tried apologizing to her and telling her I cannot go because of the timing, and she refused to accept my refusal. I told her I was sorry, but was not aware of how quickly and surreptitiously this would be set up and booked. She called me selfish and said since I do not have a "real" reason to not go, I would be attending. I head off to college a few days later, and I need to get ready. She knows this. Somehow, I need her to remember the priority. What should I do? -- Too Busy to Get Away, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TOO BUSY TO GET AWAY: Show some compassion along with clarity. Remind your mother of the to-do list that you have created to prepare for school, and point out that you need those few days leading up to heading off for school to complete it. Tell her you had hoped to have her help with the list, but if she must go, you understand. To be responsible, you feel strongly that you cannot vacation when you should be prepping for college.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate being catcalled. I know that the men who do this are not trying to make friendly conversation, because I walk with my headphones in my ears while looking straight ahead. I am clearly not interested. I do not enjoy the ogling and vulgar things that are said to me. I do not wear short skirts or see-through tops or anything else that should cause a ruckus. I am always professionally dressed. Do men do this to establish power because they know I will not say anything back? Is there any way to get this to stop? -- Rejecting Catcalls, Washington, D.C.

DEAR REJECTING CATCALLS: I wish I could explain why a man would feel the need to call out to a woman in the rude way that you are describing, and why he would believe that she should respond favorably to his outburst. I have yet to figure out how to stop catcalling. You could glare at the offenders as you walk by to express your disapproval silently.

Better still, you can cross the street and not walk into their space at all. While this may seem inconvenient, consider it the same as moving out of the space of ferocious dogs. I don't walk closely to pit bulls who look menacing. I consider men who catcall just like them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an employee who is late for work at least twice a week. The excuse is always that the train caused a problem. He lives in an outer borough of New York City, and I know that the trains can have delays. I see them mentioned on the news sometimes, but the delays he mentions seem more like poor planning on his part. I have told him that he should plan on arriving a half-hour early rather than risking being a half-hour late. He thinks that's preposterous and that I should just understand that the subways can be messed up. How can I get it into his head that it is his responsibility to come to work on time and that if his mode of transportation is unreliable, he has to figure out a workaround? -- Watching the Clock, New York City

DEAR WATCHING THE CLOCK: Depending on how your company works, you may want to dock this employee's pay each day he is late. Sometimes, having a tangible consequence of lateness via a reduction in wages can drive home the point better than words. If he is late eight times in a month and his paycheck reflects that, he may just wake up to the need to leave his house earlier.

If you value this man's skill once he gets to work, you may want to consider changing his start time. Tell him that you value him so much that you want to make it easier for him to be "on time," so you have changed that start time. Watch this closely, as it may not work. He may just leave home even later and have the same issue. Ultimately, you will have to decide whether he is worth keeping on staff if he continues to be unreliable.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a call over the weekend from a guy I used to have a serious crush on. Nothing ever happened, and this was years ago, but when I saw his name on the phone, my heart fluttered. I did not answer because I was busy hanging out with my family. I'm sure he called for a business reason. We have worked on projects together in the past. He is totally on the up-and-up. It's me who is all hot and bothered about it. I know it's professional for me to call him back, but I don't want to sound crazy. How can I get my professional voice on when I automatically think about dating him? By the way, neither of us is available. We are both in long-term, committed relationships. I'm not even trying to date him. It's my body that kind of takes over and gets me all upset. -- Hot and Bothered, Atlanta

DEAR HOT AND BOTHERED: It's good that you can acknowledge the reaction that your body has to this man. Take a minute and cool down. Splash some cold water on your face, if need be. Remind yourself of the professional role that you occupy when you interact with him, and step fully into that role.

When you call him back, be pleasant and professional. Listen to learn the nature of his call. Do not suggest that the two of you meet. If he wants a referral, give it. If he wants to collaborate on a project, don't agree right away. Give yourself space to consider whether that is a good idea. It might be better for you to stay unavailable and recommend someone else in your place. Keeping more than an arm's length away from him seems wise, all things considered.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My stepmother never went to college. Now that my sister has almost graduated and I am heading off to college, she has gotten hostile whenever we mention higher education. She rudely questions us whenever we talk about what we want to learn about or even read. Recently, she snapped at me and asked why I was so interested in learning. My mother and father both have master's degrees, but my stepmother worked after high school. She works in a highly skilled trade industry that she learned, and she really loves it. She makes good money, and we have never belittled her for not pursuing higher education. How can we deflect her cattiness when we are not doing anything wrong? I feel as though suggesting she take online courses would make her angrier. -- Scholarly Struggles, Dallas

DEAR SCHOLARLY STRUGGLES: Chances are, your stepmother is feeling insecure, and that insecurity is leading to hostile behavior. One way that you may be able to shift the energy is to focus a bit more of it on her. When she asks you why you are so interested in a particular subject or book, point out that you want to figure out what you will do with your life and what kind of work you will do to earn a living, and you think education will help you. Remind her that she figured out her work focus early on and is flourishing in it. You hope that you will discover your passion and do the same in your own way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)