DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister received an invitation to attend a family function a few weeks ago. She went to the party, and my family members were puzzled that I did not attend. My aunt called me and asked, "Why didn't you attend the party?" I told her that I do not attend a party without an invitation. She was surprised by my response and said she thought I was a bit crass. What do you think? -- No Invite, No Party, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR NO INVITE, NO PARTY: My guess is that there is more under the surface of this party invitation than meets the eye. It is your family. If you commonly go to family functions, it would be understandable that your aunt would wonder where you were. Perhaps it was a simple oversight on her part for not extending a direct invitation to you. It is curious that your sister did not speak up to ask her if you were included.

That's what begs the question about whether there is some tension brewing in the family. Or do they sometimes host events where only some family members are invited? That is a real possibility. When I was growing up, my parents had parties all the time, but they often did not invite family. It was a social function for friends. Maybe one or two family members would come, but not all.

In any event, your testiness suggests that you felt snubbed by not being invited. Rather than allowing that negative energy to fester, I suggest that you get on the phone and clear the air with your aunt. Life is too short to get worked up over an invitation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend is going through a terrible time because her husband is deathly ill. We talk periodically, and I always offer to help in any way I can, but so far there doesn't seem to be anything that I can do for her or her husband. The last time we spoke, she asked me to keep them in my prayers. Of course I am doing that. But I feel helpless to offer real help. What do you suggest? -- Wanting to Support, New York City

DEAR WANTING TO SUPPORT: I first want to point out that prayer can be powerful, healing and tremendously beneficial. Do not discount actively engaging in this practice to support your friends. Be clear about the nature of your prayer. Since it sounds like your friend's husband is making his transition, you may want to pray for his peaceful passage and for his wife's ability to weather this difficult period.

Next, you can send a note to each of them expressing your love. Continue to check in with her to listen to where she is in that moment and to remind her that you are happy to support in any way that you can. When her husband does pass, be there for her. Very often people need that call in the aftermath, during the quiet moments when sadness sinks in.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent the weekend with my niece and nephew. We walked around the city, and my 6-year-old nephew asked me a question: "Why are there so many people on the street asking for money?" I was amazed by his observation, but I did not know how to respond to the question. If my nephew asks me a similar question in the near future, how should I respond? -- Eyes of a Child, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR EYES OF A CHILD: I believe in telling the truth, which may be nuanced in this case. One reality is that there are many people today who do not earn enough money to take care of themselves. This could be because they lost their jobs, they have fallen on poor health, they are drug addicts or they are suffering from mental disorders. For a young child, the answer could be as simple as some of them don't earn enough money to pay for someplace to live, and some are sick.

You can go further and talk about how your family chooses to acknowledge such people. Do you say hello to them? Do you give them money? If you do not give people on the street money, do you do anything to support people who are in greater need than you? Some families give to charities. Others give through their religious institutions. This is a great moment to talk to your nephew about compassion and the importance of not judging people who are in different circumstances than you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it legal for a company to do a credit check before it hires you? A few weeks ago, I went on a job interview. The human resources representative told me before the company could hire me, it would need to do a credit check. I was a victim of identity theft, and I am cautious when it comes to allowing people to look up my information. I would like the company to bypass the credit check process altogether to help my peace of mind. -- Need a Job, Chicago

DEAR NEED A JOB: In some states, it is legal for a prospective employer to check your credit report with certain stipulations: The company must get your written consent before pulling the report; the company must give you fair warning, along with the credit report, if the employer chooses not to hire you because of the contents of the report; and the company must give you an official adverse action notice because of the findings of the report -- meaning a notification that you were not hired because of information on your report.

The good news is that your state, Illinois, no longer allows prospective employers to pull a credit report for this reason. Other states that have rejected this practice include California, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Maryland, Nevada, Oregon, Vermont and Washington. And at least 20 more are considering this change, largely because after the downturn in the economy in 2008, many people suffered financially and their credit reports reflect this. Yet most people are working hard to get to higher ground and do not appreciate a blemish on their report standing in their way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning to take a trip at the end of the year to visit a friend I met when I was in college. It has been about three years since we have seen each other, because she lives in Asia. But we have kept in touch and agreed that we would get together at this exact time. I have been saving my money and talking to her, and I'm very excited about taking this international trip and visiting her. We were good friends in school, and we have remained friends ever since even though she lives far away. When I tell my friends about my plans, they think I am crazy. They pester me about hanging out with them instead and going to the beach this summer or doing other things that I can't afford if I am going to be able to make this trip. They also talk about me like I'm crazy for spending so much money to go see somebody who is not my girlfriend. I feel perfectly happy about my decision. She and I are friends, and I am excited to have a new experience and strengthen a great friendship. Do you think I am being naive? -- Headed East, Detroit

DEAR HEADED EAST: You sound like you have a level head even as you are looking to expand your horizons. Because your choices are different from your friends', you are experiencing a lot of friction from them. Ignore that. Stick to your plan. Keep saving. Make sure that you stay in close touch with your friend in Asia. Find out about local customs and any expectations there may be of you when you arrive. Ask her how much money you will need in order to be comfortable during your stay. Be honest with her about the resources that you do have. This will help you to be fully prepared. Congratulate yourself on making a decision for your own life even if it goes against the grain of your other friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was offered a job in Southern California, and it sounds like a dream job, but I am very worried about taking it. For one, I am an East Coast girl, and I have all my roots here. I don't know anybody out there, and I am also worried about the weather. Los Angeles has earthquakes and droughts -- and now flooding. It's crazy. I'm not sure how to find my bearings in a place that seems so big and so volatile. What should I do? -- On the Fence, Baltimore

DEAR ON THE FENCE: Considering a cross-country move can be daunting for anyone. Before you give up on this opportunity, do your research. Yes, the West Coast of our country experiences specific weather challenges, including earthquakes, drought and occasional flash flooding, as well as the aftermath of each of those. What about where you live? The East Coast experiences hurricanes and extreme heat and humidity, as well as tough winters. No part of our country is devoid of weather issues. You can weigh the odds based on your comfort level -- and talk to other people who live there.

Going someplace where you are alone requires you to get out there and explore so you can meet people. You can do it -- if you want to. Take a trip out West to check it out before you close the door.