DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been on a new job for about a year. Prior to that, I was out of work for more than two years. It has been a really tough time for my family and me. The other day, one of the companies I had interviewed with contacted me about coming to work for them. The salary would be almost twice my current salary. I really like the company that has offered me this job, but I feel bad about leaving the job I am in. I know this is what some people call a luxury problem because, after all, I was out of work for so long. I don't want to make a bad or hasty decision. What should I do? -- Considering an Offer, Milwaukee

DEAR CONSIDERING AN OFFER: Compare the benefits of your current job with those of the new offer. Figure out what assurances the new job offers for you and your family as you look to the future. What is the growth potential for you in the new job versus the one you are currently in? Talk to your spouse about the pros and cons of each of them, and come to a decision together about what will be best for your family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: School is out, and with it my family is in a conundrum. My son's teacher suggested that it would be good for him to get support with his reading and math. She did not say he had to go to summer school. She recommended a few options, everything from a tutor to some of the group programs like Kumon. I'm all for it, but my son feels like he shouldn't have to do any of it since it wasn't mandated. I have tried to tell him that getting academic support is common for students -- including students who are very good at subjects and those who can use a bit of a boost. I have signed him up for a class, but his attitude is horrible. How can I get him to embrace this process so that he can learn and flourish? -- Helping My Kid, Chicago

DEAR HELPING MY KID: You may want to start by talking to the teacher or teachers at the program that you have selected. Let them know that your son is reluctant to participate in the program, and you need help getting him motivated. They likely have strategies for motivation, as your problem is not unusual at all.

Next, ask your son to give it a try. Tell him your job as a parent is to help him to be successful in all of his endeavors, and this program is designed to do just that. You may want to offer him incentives to do well. For instance, if he gives this program his full attention, later in the summer you will plan something special that he has always wanted to do. Support your son when he comes home by creating quiet space for him to complete any homework that he may be given. And assure him that there is space for him to have fun, too. Without the balance of fun in his summer, he will resent you for making him do the other work.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is growing so fast that she can't fit any of her clothes from last year. As I was sorting through them to donate, I found some really special clothing items that I thought would fit one of her friends perfectly. When I asked the girl's mother if she would like to have them, she seemed visibly offended. I apologized for being presumptuous. I was trying to be generous. That's the way I grew up. What should I have done? -- Generosity in Question, Dallas

DEAR GENEROSITY IN QUESTION: Not everybody likes to receive hand-me-downs at all or from people outside of their family. One way to figure that out before coming out and presenting a bag of clothes to someone is to make a very soft ask. For example, you could say, "Our daughters seem to have similar taste. I just found a few of my daughter's clothes that she has outgrown. My daughter would like to give them to your daughter. Would that be OK with you?" If the answer is no, it's easier to walk away.

I will add, though, that for the most part, giving clothes to charities or churches is easier than sharing them with friends. A lot of people get uncomfortable with the idea of their children sharing each other's clothes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece just turned 14, and with her growing up has come a growing body. She has come to stay with me for a month this summer, and I am blown away by how much she has grown up. My challenge is that her clothing is still kind of little girllike. She needs proper undergarments and clothing that will be appropriate for her budding figure. Her clothes are ill-fitting. I think this makes her feel awkward. I want to help her out by taking her shopping, but I'm wondering if I should get approval from my brother. He did send her to be with me. Do you think I need sign-off from him and his wife on what I buy? -- Shepherding Transformation, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR SHEPHERDING TRANSFORMATION: Out of respect for her parents, it is smart of you to speak to them about your planned shopping expedition. Speak to either your brother or his wife to say that their child needs some summer clothing, and you would like to take her shopping. Ask for their blessing. Assure them that you will not purchase anything that is inappropriate for her age.

Then take her shopping and, with as keen an eye as you can, look for everything from undergarments to swimwear to tops, shorts, dresses, etc., that will showcase her growing body modestly but also with youthful flair. This time with your niece may prove to be vital to her personal development, as even during shopping you can create space to bond and talk about life and its twists and turns. Gently support her as she grows up by listening to her and responding attentively to her questions and observations.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got married a few months ago. I spent the weekend with my in-laws for the first time. They are nice people, but I realize that they have endless expectations of me. For example, my husband and I had driven many hours to get to them and we had stayed up late talking, so I slept in the next morning. At about 8 a.m., I heard a knock on my door. It was my mother-in-law calling me to breakfast. When she saw that I was sleeping, she gave me this look of disdain and turned on her heels. When I got to breakfast, I saw that everybody else was up, showered and ready for the day. I somehow didn't get the memo that I needed to be ready by 8. Over the course of the weekend, there were lots of little things that showed me how differently my husband and I grew up. I was completely out of sorts at the end. My family is very casual. His is the opposite. How can I figure out how to be with his family so that I don't stumble so hard next time? -- Newbie Bride, Detroit

DEAR NEWBIE BRIDE: Talk to your husband. You two need to share with each other about your family traditions, practices and idiosyncrasies. Tell your husband how uncomfortable you were at his family's home; you were not sufficiently informed of the expectations that his family would have for you. Be gentle with him. There's a good chance that he didn't think of it, since their way is what he has known for his whole life. Talk about how you spend time with your family and how he spends time with his. Learn about what each family values in terms of how you pay attention to each other, what kinds of gifts are appreciated, how thank-you acknowledgments are best received, etc. Work together to learn each other's family ways as you establish your own. Ultimately, if you two can be on the same page about how you spend time with each other's families, you will find a comfortable space that may afford you some flexibility even within typically rigid patterns.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been listening to my co-worker talk about how dysfunctional things are at her house. She goes on and on about how she and her husband don't get along and how her 3-year-old has recently been repeating awful things her husband says to her. I am never quite sure whether my co-worker is exaggerating, because she is an amazing storyteller. Anyway, I had dinner with her at her house the other day, and sure enough, I heard the child call her mother a bad word. I couldn't hold back my gasp. My co-worker friend said, "I told you so!" I was speechless. I don't know what to do in this situation. Should I keep my mouth shut? Or what can I say to help her? -- Stunned Speechless, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR STUNNED SPEECHLESS: If your co-worker mentions this behavior again, you might suggest that she and her husband consider therapy to work through their issues privately. Until they resolve their problems, their child will continue to suffer. You are powerless to help them otherwise.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)