DEAR HARRIETTE: I just spent the weekend with friends at the beach. We had a great time, except that the host parents do not require their children to wear sunscreen. They blow it off when the kids don't feel like putting it on. Skin cancer runs in my family, so I am very serious about sunscreen. I found myself in the awkward position of forcing my children to apply and reapply sunscreen while the other kids balked and walked off. I don't want to get between parents and their children, but I can't afford to have my children making bad decisions based on an adult's bad behavior. I never said anything to the other mother about this, but I wonder if I should have. She saw me lathering up my kids. -- Needing Protection, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR NEEDING PROTECTION: To clear the air, you could have privately spoken to the other mother to explain to her that you are hypervigilant about sunscreen because skin cancer runs in your family. You could have also asked her if she would like you to apply sunscreen to her kids at the same time.

Sometimes, other adults have a bit more leverage than parents do, especially when it comes to peer pressure. Your children wearing sunscreen could turn into positive peer pressure -- but only with the mother's permission.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a call the other day from a friend who wanted advice about a project she is working on. By the end of the conversation, she had roped me into helping her on this substantial project. Because we are friends, she doesn't think she has to pay me. I figured this out because she was talking about her budget -- she even showed it to me -- and there was no line item that represented the work that I would be doing for her. When I asked her about it, specifically what she was planning to pay me for my services, she looked at me like I was crazy and told me she was offended. She thought I was her friend and that I was going to help her out. She can't afford me. Huh? She can afford everybody else. I'm not sure how to handle this. I do not want to be taken advantage of, but I also don't want to leave her in the lurch. -- Fine Line, Syracuse, New York

DEAR FINE LINE: Stand your ground in this situation. Ask for a meeting with your friend. Congratulate her on her project. Tell her that you are happy that she believes you can be of help to her. Point out that this is a professional job, and you expect to be compensated accordingly. Tell her that if this were a charitable effort where no one was being paid, it might be a different story, but your friendship should not preclude you from being paid. In fact, you would expect her to want to ensure that her friend would get paid above and beyond others when there is a budget available. Make it clear that you will continue to help her after you negotiate a professional fee.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've seen all those commercials about erectile dysfunction, but I didn't understand what it meant until the other day, when my husband couldn't perform. He and I hadn't been intimate in a really long time. When we tried this time, it didn't quite work. I felt so bad, but I didn't say anything. Should I bring it up? If so, how? -- Unknown Territory, Cincinnati

DEAR UNKNOWN TERRITORY: Given that you say that you and your husband have not engaged intimately for a long time, I would not recommend asking him about his inability to perform. That would likely create a deeper divide. Instead, if you are ready to pursue intimacy with your husband again, take it slowly. Start by holding hands more frequently. Offer to give him a back rub. Suggest that you share a date where you pretend to be teenagers. Hold hands, steal kisses and act silly and romantic. Ease into intimacy over time. Perhaps he will be able to perform in the future. If not, after you two have become more closely engaged in talking sweet talk, you can talk real talk about what to do next.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited with a good friend this weekend. She looked beautiful, but she had serious pits. Her underarms reeked! I was shocked, given how meticulous I know her to be. She is married, and I can't believe her husband didn't say anything. When I mentioned it to my husband, he suggested that they both may have a compromised sense of smell. I want to tell my friend, but I'm not sure how. What do you suggest? -- Hygiene Challenge, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR HYGIENE CHALLENGE: I surely would want to know if I had body odor. This happens sometimes when people do not use deodorant, do not bathe well or, more seriously, if they have a medical condition. Since you consider your friend to be particularly sensitive to her hygiene, there is a chance that her body odor is an indication of a bigger issue than just smell.

By all means, speak to her. Make sure you two are together in private. You can start by saying you have something very sensitive you want to share with her. Ask her permission to bring it up. Then be specific when you tell her that her underarms often smell. If you know that they smell that day, tell her.

Admit how awkward you think this conversation is, but that, as her friend, you felt it was important for you to let her know. You can point out that body odor sometimes points to illness, so you felt it was urgent that you bring this to her attention. You don't need to take it any further than that. If she wants to talk about it, she will.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has informed me that she has stage-4 breast cancer. She shared some details about her situation, and we discussed the possibility of alternative treatments because she is not interested in chemotherapy treatments. (She believes she will die.) I told my friend that I will help her in any way possible to find an alternative treatment. However, I would like to gather a few friends together and try persuading her to do chemo treatments. The cancer is spreading, and I am afraid we may lose her if she does not treat her condition as soon as possible. -- Being a friend, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR BEING A FRIEND: Stage 4 means that the cancer has already metastasized in your friend's body. Without aggressive treatment, she very well may die. I'm sure the doctors have told her this, but it may be very difficult to accept or even understand. I have experienced several friends who faced stage-4 cancer and really could not wrap their heads around it. In some cases, my friends survived with treatment. In other cases, even with aggressive treatment, they ultimately died.

What you can do is support your friend by being a good listener, showing up to help with whatever she needs and understanding her choices. Ask her what her doctors are recommending. As far as alternative treatments, she still needs medical care to support that. Find out if her doctor can make some suggestions. Look for a homeopathic doctor in your area. Gather friends to talk with your friend. Rather than pressuring her to take chemo, ask her to talk about what she wants and what she hopes for her future. She has to decide.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw an old friend recently, and it was so nice to reconnect with her. It was also a little uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure we stopped being friends because of me. We were trying to do business together, and I didn't like the way she was going about our project. Rather than being direct about it, I retreated. Eventually, we talked about it a little, but I left the situation with messy loose ends. How can I mend the fence? Do I let it go since it happened such a long time ago? -- Making Amends, Detroit

DEAR MAKING AMENDS: Chances are that since you have such strong feelings about what happened between you and your old friend, she has some of her own. Even if you are the only one feeling remorse, it is definitely worth it for you to say something to clear the air. You can write a note, invite her to tea to talk or pick up the phone.

When you communicate from the start, say how happy you were to see her after such a long time and that you want to apologize for not handling your business well so many years ago. Tell her you are sorry for not being more mature, and ask for her forgiveness.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)