DEAR HARRIETTE: I've seen all those commercials about erectile dysfunction, but I didn't understand what it meant until the other day, when my husband couldn't perform. He and I hadn't been intimate in a really long time. When we tried this time, it didn't quite work. I felt so bad, but I didn't say anything. Should I bring it up? If so, how? -- Unknown Territory, Cincinnati

DEAR UNKNOWN TERRITORY: Given that you say that you and your husband have not engaged intimately for a long time, I would not recommend asking him about his inability to perform. That would likely create a deeper divide. Instead, if you are ready to pursue intimacy with your husband again, take it slowly. Start by holding hands more frequently. Offer to give him a back rub. Suggest that you share a date where you pretend to be teenagers. Hold hands, steal kisses and act silly and romantic. Ease into intimacy over time. Perhaps he will be able to perform in the future. If not, after you two have become more closely engaged in talking sweet talk, you can talk real talk about what to do next.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited with a good friend this weekend. She looked beautiful, but she had serious pits. Her underarms reeked! I was shocked, given how meticulous I know her to be. She is married, and I can't believe her husband didn't say anything. When I mentioned it to my husband, he suggested that they both may have a compromised sense of smell. I want to tell my friend, but I'm not sure how. What do you suggest? -- Hygiene Challenge, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR HYGIENE CHALLENGE: I surely would want to know if I had body odor. This happens sometimes when people do not use deodorant, do not bathe well or, more seriously, if they have a medical condition. Since you consider your friend to be particularly sensitive to her hygiene, there is a chance that her body odor is an indication of a bigger issue than just smell.

By all means, speak to her. Make sure you two are together in private. You can start by saying you have something very sensitive you want to share with her. Ask her permission to bring it up. Then be specific when you tell her that her underarms often smell. If you know that they smell that day, tell her.

Admit how awkward you think this conversation is, but that, as her friend, you felt it was important for you to let her know. You can point out that body odor sometimes points to illness, so you felt it was urgent that you bring this to her attention. You don't need to take it any further than that. If she wants to talk about it, she will.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has informed me that she has stage-4 breast cancer. She shared some details about her situation, and we discussed the possibility of alternative treatments because she is not interested in chemotherapy treatments. (She believes she will die.) I told my friend that I will help her in any way possible to find an alternative treatment. However, I would like to gather a few friends together and try persuading her to do chemo treatments. The cancer is spreading, and I am afraid we may lose her if she does not treat her condition as soon as possible. -- Being a friend, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR BEING A FRIEND: Stage 4 means that the cancer has already metastasized in your friend's body. Without aggressive treatment, she very well may die. I'm sure the doctors have told her this, but it may be very difficult to accept or even understand. I have experienced several friends who faced stage-4 cancer and really could not wrap their heads around it. In some cases, my friends survived with treatment. In other cases, even with aggressive treatment, they ultimately died.

What you can do is support your friend by being a good listener, showing up to help with whatever she needs and understanding her choices. Ask her what her doctors are recommending. As far as alternative treatments, she still needs medical care to support that. Find out if her doctor can make some suggestions. Look for a homeopathic doctor in your area. Gather friends to talk with your friend. Rather than pressuring her to take chemo, ask her to talk about what she wants and what she hopes for her future. She has to decide.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw an old friend recently, and it was so nice to reconnect with her. It was also a little uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure we stopped being friends because of me. We were trying to do business together, and I didn't like the way she was going about our project. Rather than being direct about it, I retreated. Eventually, we talked about it a little, but I left the situation with messy loose ends. How can I mend the fence? Do I let it go since it happened such a long time ago? -- Making Amends, Detroit

DEAR MAKING AMENDS: Chances are that since you have such strong feelings about what happened between you and your old friend, she has some of her own. Even if you are the only one feeling remorse, it is definitely worth it for you to say something to clear the air. You can write a note, invite her to tea to talk or pick up the phone.

When you communicate from the start, say how happy you were to see her after such a long time and that you want to apologize for not handling your business well so many years ago. Tell her you are sorry for not being more mature, and ask for her forgiveness.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so proud of my friends from back home. I was talking to my mom the other day, and she told me about several of my buddies from home who have become very successful. One of them took over her family's business. Another is working in the medical field, and yet another is an executive in a tech company. When we were growing up, I know we dreamed about doing great stuff, but here it is that they are excelling. I want to contact them to congratulate them on all that they have accomplished. Part of me is a little shy to do so, though, because I have yet to get my own career together. How can I celebrate them without having them turn around and probe about my life? -- Proud and Reserved, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PROUD AND RESERVED: Go for it! You can acknowledge your friends by sending them a card with a brief handwritten note that expresses your congratulations on their success. You can email them a note of congratulations that reflects on the journey that they have undertaken. Finally, you can call.

When you are asked how you are doing and what you are doing, deflect back to them, saying this call is to honor them, not to talk about you. Ask more questions, and inevitably they will gladly proceed with telling you stories about their lives.

As far as your life is concerned, rather than feeling embarrassed by what you have not accomplished, sit down and make a plan for the future. Itemize your goals in manageable steps, and then work through them to get to the other side. You, too, can claim your success -- one step at a time!

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine just died from liver cancer. He was in his early 50s. It is so sad. He was a leader in his business community, a husband and a father. It seems like the good ones always go first. This guy was full of laughter and was an all-around great guy. He was also a heavy drinker. When I learned of the type of cancer, I looked it up and saw that drinking a lot can cause liver cancer. This is so scary because most of the people in our friend group are heavy drinkers. It's how we have our fun. I'm wondering if we should talk about this together. Maybe we can help each other to slow down on the sauce so that we don't follow our friend in early death. I'm scared to bring it up. How do you broach such a sensitive topic? -- Sobering Up, Dallas

DEAR SOBERING UP: Your friend's passing may just be the wakeup call that you and your other friends need. Yes, it can be extremely difficult to address the uncomfortable topics, especially one that points to an addiction. I encourage you to talk to your friends during a time when alcohol is not within arm's reach, and express your concern about those of you who are currently survivors. You can point them to research at webmd.com/cancer/understanding-liver-cancer-basic-information, which describes the effects of alcohol on the liver.

Whether the group decides to get sober or not, you can make the decision for yourself either to drink less or to stop altogether. Visit aa.org for help.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)