DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has informed me that she has stage-4 breast cancer. She shared some details about her situation, and we discussed the possibility of alternative treatments because she is not interested in chemotherapy treatments. (She believes she will die.) I told my friend that I will help her in any way possible to find an alternative treatment. However, I would like to gather a few friends together and try persuading her to do chemo treatments. The cancer is spreading, and I am afraid we may lose her if she does not treat her condition as soon as possible. -- Being a friend, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR BEING A FRIEND: Stage 4 means that the cancer has already metastasized in your friend's body. Without aggressive treatment, she very well may die. I'm sure the doctors have told her this, but it may be very difficult to accept or even understand. I have experienced several friends who faced stage-4 cancer and really could not wrap their heads around it. In some cases, my friends survived with treatment. In other cases, even with aggressive treatment, they ultimately died.

What you can do is support your friend by being a good listener, showing up to help with whatever she needs and understanding her choices. Ask her what her doctors are recommending. As far as alternative treatments, she still needs medical care to support that. Find out if her doctor can make some suggestions. Look for a homeopathic doctor in your area. Gather friends to talk with your friend. Rather than pressuring her to take chemo, ask her to talk about what she wants and what she hopes for her future. She has to decide.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw an old friend recently, and it was so nice to reconnect with her. It was also a little uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure we stopped being friends because of me. We were trying to do business together, and I didn't like the way she was going about our project. Rather than being direct about it, I retreated. Eventually, we talked about it a little, but I left the situation with messy loose ends. How can I mend the fence? Do I let it go since it happened such a long time ago? -- Making Amends, Detroit

DEAR MAKING AMENDS: Chances are that since you have such strong feelings about what happened between you and your old friend, she has some of her own. Even if you are the only one feeling remorse, it is definitely worth it for you to say something to clear the air. You can write a note, invite her to tea to talk or pick up the phone.

When you communicate from the start, say how happy you were to see her after such a long time and that you want to apologize for not handling your business well so many years ago. Tell her you are sorry for not being more mature, and ask for her forgiveness.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so proud of my friends from back home. I was talking to my mom the other day, and she told me about several of my buddies from home who have become very successful. One of them took over her family's business. Another is working in the medical field, and yet another is an executive in a tech company. When we were growing up, I know we dreamed about doing great stuff, but here it is that they are excelling. I want to contact them to congratulate them on all that they have accomplished. Part of me is a little shy to do so, though, because I have yet to get my own career together. How can I celebrate them without having them turn around and probe about my life? -- Proud and Reserved, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PROUD AND RESERVED: Go for it! You can acknowledge your friends by sending them a card with a brief handwritten note that expresses your congratulations on their success. You can email them a note of congratulations that reflects on the journey that they have undertaken. Finally, you can call.

When you are asked how you are doing and what you are doing, deflect back to them, saying this call is to honor them, not to talk about you. Ask more questions, and inevitably they will gladly proceed with telling you stories about their lives.

As far as your life is concerned, rather than feeling embarrassed by what you have not accomplished, sit down and make a plan for the future. Itemize your goals in manageable steps, and then work through them to get to the other side. You, too, can claim your success -- one step at a time!

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine just died from liver cancer. He was in his early 50s. It is so sad. He was a leader in his business community, a husband and a father. It seems like the good ones always go first. This guy was full of laughter and was an all-around great guy. He was also a heavy drinker. When I learned of the type of cancer, I looked it up and saw that drinking a lot can cause liver cancer. This is so scary because most of the people in our friend group are heavy drinkers. It's how we have our fun. I'm wondering if we should talk about this together. Maybe we can help each other to slow down on the sauce so that we don't follow our friend in early death. I'm scared to bring it up. How do you broach such a sensitive topic? -- Sobering Up, Dallas

DEAR SOBERING UP: Your friend's passing may just be the wakeup call that you and your other friends need. Yes, it can be extremely difficult to address the uncomfortable topics, especially one that points to an addiction. I encourage you to talk to your friends during a time when alcohol is not within arm's reach, and express your concern about those of you who are currently survivors. You can point them to research at webmd.com/cancer/understanding-liver-cancer-basic-information, which describes the effects of alcohol on the liver.

Whether the group decides to get sober or not, you can make the decision for yourself either to drink less or to stop altogether. Visit aa.org for help.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband does not like social media and forbids me to post pictures of him. I made the mistake years ago of posting a shot of him, and he got so mad. I follow his directions now. People have started asking me if we got divorced because I always show pictures of me with other people, but never with him. How should I handle this? -- Missing Husband, Seattle

DEAR MISSING HUSBAND: Your husband has the right to want his image to remain private. There are plenty of people who agree with him about staying off social media. As with everything, there is a downside.

I suggest that you tell your husband that people have asked if you are divorced because he is invisible on your social media pages. Ask him if you can sparingly post shots of the two of you together. Since you are an avid social media user, you want him to be a part of that world with you -- if only here and there.

If he says no, honor his request. When you get the question about the status of your marriage, proudly respond by saying how long you have been married -- and leave it at that!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know a lot of people are excited about gay marriage and all, but I have family members who are still homophobic. We have a cousin who's gay, and he has been talking more openly about it these days. Well, my great aunt heard him and went off, talking about how it's a sin and he should be ashamed of himself. It got really awkward. How can we get her to stop being judgmental? -- Reality Check, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR REALITY CHECK: Civil rights history has changed thanks to the Supreme Court's decision to acknowledge marriage equality nationwide. This is a huge triumph, and it should be celebrated. Understand, though, that social mores take a long time to change. Some people never accept the laws that have been created for our country. For others, it can take years to consider a new way of looking at the world, even when it includes their kinfolk.

You may be able to speak to your great aunt about being kinder to your cousin, but chances are strong that she is not going to change her view, her rhetoric or her ways. Your cousin may be better off talking about his life with those family members who are compassionate and supportive. Given the breadth of support nationally, he does not have to feel alone. He may want to pick and choose with whom he wants to discuss his personal life. Being strategic can be life-saving.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)