DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has attended various anti-drug lectures at her school, and she believes that marijuana is an illegal drug that is bad for you. I am lost for words on how to explain to her that pot is no longer "that bad," because 23 states have approved the medical use, while four states have okayed the recreational use of marijuana. Do you have any suggestions on how I can tell my daughter that some people partake of it in a responsible manner? -- Up in Smoke, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR UP IN SMOKE: Slow down. While marijuana has been recognized for its medicinal purposes, which is great, there is no good reason for you to encourage your daughter to smoke it. It remains a mind-altering substance, not necessarily something you want your child to do. In terms of legality, it is still largely illegal for recreational use. Yes, those laws are changing, but where you live, it is still against the law.

More, though, is the reality that smoking anything is not a recommended choice for anyone, especially a child. You can encourage your daughter not to be judgmental of others' choices. You can explain to her that there are legitimate health reasons for people to use marijuana. You can add that the laws are relaxing for recreational use. This is a good conversation in terms of perspective as it relates to what unlawful activities receive what types of sentences. Many people believe that the sentences for possession of small amounts of marijuana are too high. This is a complicated topic that deserves ongoing discussion with your daughter. Yes, you can tell her that it is the right thing for some people to do. I recommend that, at the same time, you have this discussion without encouraging her to consume.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two aunts who were both married for quite some time and by some strange twist of fate, both of their husbands passed away 15 years ago. To my amazement, my aunts are proud to be called widows. I do not think they are interested in dating again, but I look forward to the day when my aunts can find love once again. How can I convince my aunts that dating is a good thing? -- Auntie Love, Queens, New York

DEAR AUNTIE LOVE: Sometimes when people have enjoyed a full life of love with a partner, they have no need or desire for more. Many widows are completely content to live their lives solo, enjoying their friends and family without a partner. If this is what your aunts are telling you, believe them. Instead of trying to convince them to date, encourage them to make their days count. Pay attention to how they spend their time. If they aren't particularly active, encourage them to take a class, join a book club, become a docent at a museum, participate in more church activities, etc.

The bonus in getting them out and about will allow them to meet new people. If a suitor comes along, who knows if they may decide to change their minds about dating!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker is constantly leaving or misplacing her keys at home or at work. Moreover, it seems like these incidents are happening on a more frequent basis, and I feel like something bigger has her mind preoccupied. I would like to know if I could help her in any way. Do you think it is my place to ask her if she would like to talk? -- Concerned Co-worker, Baton Rouge, Louisiana

DEAR CONCERNED CO-WORKER: Thinking about how close you and your co-worker are will help you gauge whether she will hear you. It is worth a try. During a private moment, ask her if she is OK. Point out that you have noticed she's experienced some forgetfulness of late, and you want to see if you can be of support to her. Sometimes when people's behavior is reflected back to them, they notice it more. Your bringing this up may do just that.

Beyond a gentle inquiry, there really is little else for you to do. Sadly, increasing forgetfulness is one sign of dementia and even Alzheimer's disease, but it would be inappropriate and jarring for you to say that to her. Only if she brings it up can you begin such a conversation. Otherwise, just support her as you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One thing I value more than most things is being a man of my word. When someone veers from his word, he veers away from trust. A while ago, a close friend of mine came to me seeking some financial assistance; it wasn't a large amount, and I had no issue lending it. We agreed that he would pay me back in two weeks, but now it's going on almost two months. I hinted to him once that I was looking forward to the day he pays me back, and he jokingly said he would take care of it soon. Two weeks has become two months and soon will transcend into never. Not that I am a detective or anything, but I recently saw that he went on a vacation to New Orleans for Mardi Gras festivities. How should I go about getting repaid? -- Waiting, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR WAITING: I learned a couple of things on this point years ago. First, only offer what you are willing and can afford to give away. In this way, it presents no hardship if you end up not getting it back. Taking this idea a step further, it was also strongly recommended to me not to lend money. It is cleaner to give it and be done. Then you aren't waiting in anticipation of a repayment.

This is not what you did. While you have every right to be reimbursed for your loan, you can see that it may not happen. Before giving up, though, you can be more direct. Contact your friend and ask for the money now. Note that you saw that he went on vacation, which suggests that he has money. Your last-ditch effort can be to guilt him into honoring his commitment to you. Ask him if he really wants to damage your friendship by shirking his responsibilities.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I live in a rental property that my father owns. In the beginning, everybody got along. We pay our rent on time and haven't had any real issues with the place. Suddenly, my husband started showing signs of resentment and disrespect toward my father. I am confused because my dad has provided a roof over my family's head. I think my husband is upset because he took a handout from my father. How can I reinforce my husband's confidence to tell him that he is still the man for me, and not my dad? -- Daddy's Baby, Husband's Maybe, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR DADDY'S BABY, HUSBAND'S MAYBE: Talk to your husband about the blessing of family and how fortunate you are right now to be able to live in this property. Remind him that you are paying rent, so it isn't actually a handout. It is a business transaction. Even if your father gave you a discount, it is still business and should be treated as such.

Remind your husband how much you love and respect him and that nothing changes that, including living in your father's house. Tell him you are concerned about the friction between him and your father. Ask him what you can do to support him. If your husband cannot articulate his concerns and does not calm down, you may want to begin looking for another place to live that is on neutral ground. It is more important for you and your husband to cultivate a positive relationship with your family members in the long term than it is to live under your daddy's roof.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 31-year-old woman, and I recently came into a sum of money. I want to invest some money, and I am looking for a nontraditional route to do so. Putting my money into a 401(k) plan or purchasing bonds does not excite me. Do you know of any alternative ways I can invest? -- Investing in My Future, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR INVESTING IN MY FUTURE: Congratulations on choosing to do something other than spend your money on material things. Too often, people come into money and buy stuff or go on trips and blow it in a blink.

Because you are young and want to invest creatively, your best bet is to find a financial adviser who can guide you down that path. Talk to the adviser about your debt, your assets and your vision for your future. Together, you can map out a plan that will reflect your comfort as it relates to risk in investing.

You can find a financial adviser via word of mouth or by doing independent research. Some companies that are popular and well respected include prudential.com, morganstanley.com and goldmansachs.com. There are also smaller investment companies, including some in your own borough. Set up informational interviews with several advisers, and listen to their ideas on what they would suggest you do with your money. Select one based on your level of comfort.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)