DEAR HARRIETTE: I sit on the leadership board at my church, and I feel like two of the members have too much power regarding the affairs of the church. The wife heads the teaching department as well as the finance department. The husband owns a contracting company, and the church administrator awarded him the contract to move our church to a new location and build a new office space. He is also doing work on the pastor's house. Two people should not have a stranglehold when it comes to the church. There are too many talented people at our congregation, and I believe in sharing the wealth. I would like to figure out a way to give everyone an opportunity to manage the various offices. -- Just an Observation, New York City

DEAR JUST AN OBSERVATION: It seems to me that the leadership board should have had a say in what contracts are awarded to what companies, as well as who fills what functions. Sometimes only a few people in a congregation step up to fulfill the various duties that need to be managed. It could be that these people are extremely eager and available to be hands-on. That does not excuse, however, the need for checks and balances when it comes to managing responsibilities and resources.

Go to your board president and inquire about the roles that these two people are fulfilling. Ask how the determination came to give them these duties, and point out that you do not think it is fair. Request that the board review these appointments and hires as well as all roles in the church to determine whether it is allocating resources equitably. As you do this, expect pushback. Whoever made the decision to allow these people to do these jobs will not want to be questioned. That's why you have a board. You can bring the topic to a board meeting even if the board president prefers that you didn't. Just be sure to follow protocol.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received an email informing me that the state has cut tax credits toward the purchase of school supplies and clothing. My wife and I have depended on the tax credit each year because we have four children, and it costs a lot of money to purchase their clothes. Money is tight around our house, and any extra savings we can come up with is greatly appreciated. Going forward, how should my wife and I budget to shop for school clothing? -- A Penny Saved, Greensboro, North Carolina

DEAR A PENNY SAVED: You have four children, which means hand-me-downs have to figure into the equation somehow. I recommend that you do a wardrobe assessment of all of your children's clothes. Figure out what items can be worn by the next one in line, then determine what the absolute needs are for your children for school. We often buy more than is necessary for our children. You cannot afford to do that this year. Limit your purchases to the bare minimum, and consider shopping at a second-hand store, Goodwill or the Salvation Army, where extremely affordable gently used clothing and shoes are sold.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my children is constantly complaining that something hurts. I realize that as an active child, she does sometimes get some bumps and bruises, but the way she seems to exaggerate these minor injuries is becoming annoying. I have taken her to the doctor many times when she complains of some part of her body hurting, and there is almost never anything going on. How do I address this? I don't want to ignore her concerns, but I now believe she is doing it primarily to get attention. She is 10 years old. I think it's time for her stop all of this nonsense. -- No More Complaints, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NO MORE COMPLAINTS: Speak with your daughter's pediatrician about your suspicions that she is making up her aches and pains. Get her a complete physical to ensure that there are no underlying health conditions that could be the cause of her woes. If she gets a clean bill of health, perhaps your daughter's pediatrician can talk to her about the dangers of exaggerating illnesses. The story of the boy who cried wolf may be appropriate here.

You may also want to make her a few appointments with a child psychologist to see if he or she can get to the bottom of why your daughter is craving attention in this way. Apart from professional help, you can also observe your own behavior as a parent. How much time do you spend giving your children one-on-one support? Does this child frequently experience a bit of alone time with you? Since you have multiple children, you need to pay attention to this. Often children fake illness -- without realizing why -- so that Mom or Dad will give them special attention.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriends and I planned an outing where we went to the movies together to see a film we had been waiting to see for months. We thought this was a good idea, but it turned out to backfire on us. We sat down with our popcorn, candy and soda, giggling like little girls (even though we are in our 30s). When the movie started, the giggling didn't stop. We couldn't seem to help ourselves. We were the worst. There was always somebody talking at the wrong time during key lines in the movie. Other people in the theater got really upset with us. I was upset, too. I actually wanted to watch the movie. I have to see it again if I want to know what happened. How can we avoid this if we decide to do this again? -- Too Loud Crowd, Denver

DEAR TOO LOUD CROWD: Hanging out with your girlfriends is a fine idea. I highly recommend that you choose an activity where you do not have to be quiet. You can go to a spa, take a hike to a beautiful vista or invite everyone to visit your various homes. What you want to avoid are any activities that require silence. A group of excited friends of any age is hard to quiet down.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found drugs in my son's bedroom in his dresser drawer. It was a few loose joints. I know that high school students experiment with these drugs, but I also know that it is not legal where we live. He is already at a disadvantage in the sense that the police may be watching him since he is a young black man. I do not want to see him getting arrested for some foolishness. How can I get this message across to him that doing drugs isn't worth it? I know he thinks I'm a prude, but what I really am is trying to protect my boy. -- Keeping Him Safe, Bronx, New York

DEAR KEEPING HIM SAFE: Now that the drug laws are slowly changing all over the country and there is a huge buzz about it, it makes it even more difficult for people who want to use them to just say no. In New York, only medical marijuana is legal at this time. Plus, you are right to be extra concerned about your son's safety given how many recent incidents we have witnessed in the news of police aggression toward young black males. This is a real concern that you should take seriously.

Sit down with your son and talk to him about today's realities. Point out that you know he wants to have fun, but you don't want it to be at the expense of his safety. Buying and using illegal drugs is a crime, even if many people do it. Be sure to talk to your son about how to be in the company of police officers, which includes never running, speaking in respectful tones, answering questions clearly and succinctly and not getting too animated. Explain to your son that you want him to live a full and prosperous life. To do so, he must be clear in his life's goals. He must abide by the law. He must be mindful of the company he keeps. And he must keep his eyes open at all times. Unfortunately, he also has to be wary of the police.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to go to a concert with a guy from my job, all expenses paid. I know he likes me, and I find him attractive, so I agreed to go. At the end of the evening, he was very pushy about trying to get me to go back to his house and be intimate with him. I told him no. We don't even date. This was the first time that I've gone out with him alone, though sometimes we have lunch together with a group of friends from the office. He was highly offended, and now he doesn't speak to me at the office. I'm not sure what to do about this. -- In a Tough Place, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR IN A TOUGH PLACE: To protect yourself, you may want to mention to human resources what happened. Be mindful not to exaggerate any details. If he never hurt you or actually forced you to do anything, it is not a crime. It was inappropriate.

As far as continuing a rapport with him, it's not necessary. He was wrong to be pushy with you. Focus on your job and not on him. But be sure not to gossip with others about the incident.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)