life

Best to Cut Contact With Overenthusiastic Friend

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 22nd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm having a problem with a girl I met a couple of years ago but haven't spoken with very much since. Meanwhile, she desperately wants to be friends. We are Facebook friends, and she contacted me via Facebook for my birthday. After she saw that I went to an event, she wrote that we should video chat, using a lot of exclamation points and emoticons, as if we're best friends. Even though I never messaged her back, she doesn't seem to get the hint that I'm not interested in being friends. What should I do? -- Being Stalked, Seattle

DEAR BEING STALKED: You can "unfriend" her on Facebook if you are prepared to make it clear that you no longer want anything to do with her. Or you can simply not respond to her when she goes overboard with her familiarities. Or you can write to her to ask her to cool it. The one caveat with the latter option is that any communication may prove to be too exciting for her if it means that you are interacting. Best is to cut your ties.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Platonic Friends Could Have More

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 22nd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman, and my male friend's girlfriend is convinced that guys and girls cannot be just friends unless something previously happened between them. She can get a little jealous when he and I hang out alone. I had romantic feelings toward him years ago, before they started dating, which lasted only a couple of months before we settled into friendship. He is currently one of my best friends. Should I talk to his girlfriend and reassure her that I am not interested in him, or should I just let it be? -- Platonic Friends, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PLATONIC FRIENDS: While you may not be interested in your friend in any romantic way at this time, who knows where your friend stands -- or what he used to think about you? Your friend's girlfriend may be aware that there once was interest between the two of you. It's hard to say.

Rather than attempting to convince her of anything through your words, let your actions say it all. Show that you are truly just a friend with no ulterior motives. Make the decision to get to know her. If it seems that the two of them are going to be a couple, does it make sense for you to build a relationship with her -- with your friend's blessing, of course?

Over time, if you do all stay friends, she will be able to see for herself that you are not a threat to their relationship. You cannot vouch for any other male-female bond, but your own behavior will be evidence of what your intentions are. Hopefully, that will be enough for her to relax and decide to accept you into the fold of their bond. Of course, you will have to be mindful to give them space to themselves. When couples fall in love, they do need alone time, including away from their best friends.

Friends & NeighborsSex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Car Accident Puts the Brakes on Romance

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 21st, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two months ago, I was in a serious car accident. I had the light, and a taxicab hit me. I was not able to move, and an ambulance had to take me to the hospital. The doctor told me I had broken my left hip and left leg, and he said it would take a year of rehab to get back to full strength. My husband has been very helpful with my rehab, but I can see my injuries are wearing on him. I have not been in a romantic mood since the accident. My husband would like some "quality time," and I would like him to be patient with me while I am in rehab. What should I tell him to do? -- On the Mend, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR ON THE MEND: Talk to your doctor about your condition and the status of your overall health. It could be that you are suffering from depression brought on by your condition. If so, your doctor can help you by prescribing medication to relieve you of your overall malaise.

In terms of asking your husband for patience, be straightforward with him. Tell him that your recovery has taken more of a toll on you than you imagined. Thank him for his continued understanding. While you may not be ready for full intimacy, see what you can do to comfort your husband. What would make him happy? His favorite meal? Tickets to his favorite ball game? Obviously, these things will not replace intimacy, but they can show that you care about him and are making an effort during this difficult time for you both.

Love & DatingSex & Gender
life

It's Never Too Late To Go Back To School

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 21st, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it too late for me to go back to school to get a degree and pursue a career I would enjoy? I am 49, married and the mother of two children, ages 19 and 25. I helped raise my children, and they are all grown up. I do not know what to do because the only jobs I have ever had were in retail. My oldest child recently graduated from college, and I am not sure if I could even afford to continue my education. Where would I go to find answers about returning to school at my age, choosing a major and finding the money to pay for it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- Mom is Going Back to College, Chicago

DEAR MOM IS GOING BACK TO COLLEGE: Many people go to college later in life. Sometimes that turns out to be incredibly wise, as they go at a time when they are ready to pay closer attention to their studies.

There are many ways that people can receive support from the government to complete their education. Start by filling out the FAFSA form -- the Free Application for Federal Student Aid. This will evaluate what you are eligible to receive. See studentaid.ed.gov/fafsa for details. You may also look for scholarships for adults going back to school. There is a lot of support out there for people who want to further their education. Do your research, and by all means, enroll.

life

Sending Cards Is More About Love Than the Date

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 19th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I absolutely never remember my in-laws' birthdays or anniversaries. I hardly remember my own. On the other hand, they are always early sending cards and generally being perfect family members. After I realize that I missed a big day, I usually call and check in with them, but I know it must be disappointing that I never get it straight. Meanwhile, my husband doesn't remind me, nor does he call his parents on those special days. I think they consider me to be a negative influence on him. How can I become more responsible about these things? -- Slacker, Atlanta

DEAR SLACKER: Use a calendar to note all recurring special days. If you have an electronic device on which you can record these dates, all the better. Assign alarms to them so that the device will ring on the day in question, thereby forcing you to pay attention. Even if you didn't remember to send a card, you can at least call on the big day.

Shy of that, you can simply show your in-laws your love in other ways. Send cards and gifts when you think of them. Call when they are on your mind to check in and chat. What people want most is to experience love.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 19, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 19th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got my grades back from college, and they are not good. I knew I was having a tough year, but I didn't think it was quite as bad as my grades reflect. Now I am in jeopardy of losing my scholarship. I am so scared. I don't want to tell my parents, but I have to let them know. They are paying for the difference from the scholarship, but now they may have to pay more. I don't even know if they can afford it. I know they said I shouldn't take out student loans, but I really want to finish school. I don't want to be a bad student. It was just harder than I thought this year. What can I do? -- Bad Grades, Boston

DEAR BAD GRADES: Talk to your school immediately to find out about the status of your scholarship and to see if you can take any of your exams over during the course of the summer to possibly change your grade. Ask if there are any summer classes that you can take that would help you to strengthen your skills in any of the subject areas where you feel weak. Finally, ask the school to work with you to help to get you back on track. You need to prove to them that you are serious about your education.

Talk to your parents and let them know about your grades as well as about your proactivity regarding keeping your scholarship and upping your academic performance. Ask them for their support and guidance in navigating this difficult period. Be frank and talk to them about money. If you do lose your scholarship, you need to come up with a plan about how you will afford to complete your education.

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