DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is dating someone I dated casually a few years ago. It's perfectly OK with me, but she says that she wants us all to be friends, and even possibly double-date. If we do double-date, what is the best course of action to make sure it isn't awkward? Do I joke around about any past issues, or just pretend they never happened? -- Retread, Cincinnati

DEAR RETREAD: What's most important is for you to let your friend know that you previously dated this guy so that it doesn't come as a surprise to her. You say that it was casual dating, but then you mention "past issues." You have to decide your level of comfort as it relates to becoming friendly with him again. Just because your friend wants you to double-date does mean that you must do so.

If you want to give it a try, go out as a group and pledge to stay in the moment. There should be no reason for you to bring up old memories. Joking around about issues from your dating history is an unnecessary action that will only lead to discomfort for everyone. The issue is not that you would be pretending something never happened. It would be living in the past. Instead, live fully in the here and now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend started dating a guy I know. She's been posting a lot of pictures on social media of the two of them, but she's never actually told me and the rest of the people in our friend group that they are dating. She told some of her other friends who don't know the guy. I want to talk to her about the relationship, but I'm kind of offended that she didn't tell us in the first place. Am I right to feel hurt? -- Snubbed, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR SNUBBED: I say get over your hurt feelings. It is not worth it to make her feel guilty for not informing you of her new boyfriend. Take the high road instead. Reach out to her and see if you two can get together. When you do, you can tell her you saw on social media that she has a new friend. Ask her how it's going. Tell her that you know him.

Suggest that the three of you get together sometime, or better yet, recommend that the two of them join your shared friend group at an upcoming gathering. Encourage her by saying that they would like to meet him, too.

Listen to get a sense of where she is in this new relationship. If she seems apprehensive about introducing him to you and the others, ask her why. Again, rather than telling her that she hurt your feelings, tell her that you miss her and that you are happy to welcome her new friend into your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Sometimes the older people in my family use language or state ideas that, while OK when they were younger, are now considered offensive. Should I point it out to them that they're being offensive or just let it go because they are older? -- Mouth Hanging Open, Philadelphia

DEAR MOUTH HANGING OPEN: You need to address this incredibly prickly challenge on a case-by-case basis. Consider each of the offenders, and evaluate whether you believe the person has the capacity to hear and consider what you are saying. This is important because it is likely that some of your family members are not open to considering how our culture and values have evolved over time or even how terms have changed for what people call themselves.

The people you can most likely affect are those who have the ability to listen and talk with you about contemporary issues. You can introduce the conversation by saying that you believe that they want to be sensitive to other people's views, lifestyles and feelings. From that perspective, you want to bring it to their attention that they have been making statements that could easily be considered offensive. Proceed to give them examples of what you mean. Go one example at a time so that you can talk about it and come to a full understanding of what you find offensive.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends recently got engaged to her boyfriend of a couple of years. Some of her other friends and I think that they are too young and may be rushing into things. Is there a right age to consider marriage, and should we tell our friend that we think she's too young? -- Skeptical, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SKEPTICAL: You do not have the foresight to know whether it is a good idea for your friends to marry at their current age. While you and your friends may be concerned, it is pure conjecture on your parts as to whether this relationship will actually work. Yes, it may sound like a sappy romance movie, but plenty of people have married young and stayed together for life.

That said, if you have legitimate concerns, try to get to the bottom of them. Ask your friends about their plans. Find out how they envision their life together. Will they continue their education? When do they want to have children? Do they have thoughts about religion? Do the families get along? When are they planning to have the ceremony?

Sometimes people get engaged but wait a while to marry. Engagement shows their commitment to each other. Do not panic for your friend. Instead, encourage your friend group to get to know them as a couple. Be supportive of their bond, and watch to see how their story unfolds.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine has been in a serious relationship with someone for about 10 months. Their relationship progressed somewhat quickly, and I'm unsure of what to do now. She has been a close friend for a while, but since she has been in this relationship she has changed. A lot of time, people say that relationships change you for the better, but she did not change for the better. He is the only person she spends time with now, and he has gotten in the way of her work and prior commitments. I want to tell her that she is making a big mistake by being with him, but I'm afraid of how she will react to hearing this. -- From a Distance, Scarsdale, New York

DEAR FROM A DISTANCE: Often, in the beginning of relationships -- and 10 months is still fairly early on -- couples spend an inordinate amount of time together. This can be jarring for friends who used to occupy a significant amount of that time. That alone is not necessarily an indicator of a downward spiral. However, your mention of her work and prior commitments is troubling. If your friend does not go to work, arrives late regularly or performs poorly, she could lose her job. If there is a legitimate reason that you know about your friend's work habits of late, you can bring that up with her. Let her know what you have learned, and caution her to strike a balance between him and her livelihood.

If she has specifically not honored a commitment with you, bring that up and ask her what's happening. Tell her that you were disappointed that she didn't do what she said she was going to do. To the best of your ability, do not bring up her boyfriend. Instead, talk about her changing behavior patterns that make you wonder what's going on with her. Coax her thoughts to the surface, not by being judgmental, but by being an actively engaged friend. You can tell her you miss her and want to spend more time with her. Do not expect things to be as they were, though.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am working on a project with a woman who is driving me bonkers. Everything is an argument. I understand her frustrations: We are doing what feels like twice the work for less money. She wants to fight for more money, but I know it isn't worth it. We live in an economy that is tight, and our client was clear about the budget from the outset. I am tired of the back and forth. I know that business comes with a certain tug of war, but I don't like the experience with her anymore. I am the one who brought her on, and now I'm wondering if it is time to cut ties. -- At My Wit's End, Denver

DEAR AT MY WIT'S END: Schedule a heart-to-heart with your subcontractor. Tell her that you are concerned that she is unable to be in alignment with the plans and budget for your project, and note that if she remains unable to develop a professional attitude about the job, you will need to ask her to leave. (Of course, you had better check your agreement with her first, to make sure that you can legally walk away from it.)