DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor is engaged to be married to a guy I have come to know over the past year. He has always seemed nice. You can imagine how upset I was when I saw him the other night at a lounge with another woman. He wasn't just with her either. He was hugged up in a corner with her, and they were kissing. I am 100 percent sure that it was the same guy. Meanwhile, the wedding date was just set for him and my neighbor. I don't know what to do. I feel like I would want to know. Should I tell my neighbor what I saw? -- Before My Very Eyes, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR BEFORE MY VERY EYES: This is a tricky situation. Often, people do not want to know about their partner's infidelity, and frequently they do not believe it when someone tells them. You must follow your heart. Following the Golden Rule, if you wish that someone would let you know if your fiance were involved with someone else, approach this situation in the same way. Tell your neighbor that you want to share some disturbing information with her. Then reveal the details of what you witnessed. Answer whatever questions your neighbor may have, and then walk away. Do not get caught up in the aftermath of her learning this information. She will have to decide her next steps. Whatever they are, that is her business. Do not judge her if she stays with him. She has to live her own life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that I was offered a one-week job that is an incredible opportunity. The problem is that the hours are really long, and I have a young child. I can't afford a baby sitter to come to my house before dawn and stay all day. The only thing I can think of is to ask my mom to come to stay with my daughter while I am on this gig, but I feel kind of guilty about that, too. My mom is 80 years old. She is in good health, but she lives in another state. So I would have to get her to my house, and I just wonder if that is too much to ask. I really need the money from this gig. Do you think I should ask my mom and see what she says? -- In Need, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR IN NEED: If you believe that your mother is in good enough health to watch your daughter during this period, it is a smart idea to ask for her help. She loves your daughter, and it could create a bonding moment for the two of them as it helps you. Ask her and see what she says.

If she cannot help you out, think creatively. Do you have any friends in your town who might be able to keep your daughter for a sleepover either all week or divided among them? People often step up to help when you ask.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee has gone back to graduate school to get her master's degree in nutrition. I am happy that she has found her purpose in life. She would like me to go back to school to get a degree in something that I like. I am not too sure if I want to go back to college because I am comfortable working for the U.S. Postal Service. She wants us to grow together both mentally and spiritually, and my biggest fear is that my fiancee will call off the wedding because I did not go back to college. I do not believe college is for everyone. Do I tell her that I am happy at my current job? -- Complacent Man, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR COMPLACENT MAN: You and your fiancee need to start having heart-to-heart talks about your hopes and dreams. Figure out together what interests you share and how you complement each other. It could be perfect for your fiancee to pursue her education while you hold it down with your steady job. If that's what you prefer, you need to make that clear. Speak up about your desires. Be courageous about describing what you want and like about life, even if that means that your pace is quite different from hers.

You will be honoring yourselves and your potential union by figuring out before you walk to the altar whether you are truly compatible. Getting a master's degree is a great accomplishment, but it is not a ticket to a happy marriage. Being on the same page about how you guide your life together is.

DEAR HARRIETTE: "Defiant" was upset because his date insisted on taking pictures at a party where none were allowed. I have a friend who has an elegant house with expensive furnishings. Since people were so enthused and posting pictures on the Internet, her insurance agent informed her that they could not safeguard her premises adequately unless she banned photographs. So she did.

We were informed before we got there that pictures were not allowed, but somebody took one. Our hostess was ready. She asked for the camera, then all cameras and cell phones. They were all placed in a lovely basket and locked in a cupboard. Everyone got their equipment back at the end of the party.

The next time I went there, a young person in the crowd spoke up and said, "Don't take a picture or she will take all of our cellphones." Nobody ever did.

Defiant should have confiscated his date's camera and that would have ended the debate for the evening. Even the NSA doesn't take pictures inside our houses. -- No Paparazzi Please, Chicago

DEAR NO PAPARAZZI PLEASE: What a smart and creative approach to managing social media in your home or any private location. You can confiscate the devices in order to ensure -- or at least mostly prevent -- photos from being taken and disseminated. Just make it a policy, and don't back down.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am interested in getting married, but I do not have the time or the patience to develop a relationship. A friend of mine suggested that I should find a mail-order bride. He also mentioned that the women are ready to be married and there is a low risk of rejection. I was wondering if there were mail-order bride programs in the United States. If so, how do I start this inquiry? -- Here Comes the Bride.com, Stonewall, Louisiana

DEAR HERE COMES THE BRIDE.COM: I don't think your friend was doing you any favors by recommending a so-called mail-order bride. Honestly, I think your friend was making a joke at your expense. Why? Well, it is true that in some cultures, people get married sight unseen, but they are immersed in traditions that trust that the parents or other elders have made wise choices on their behalf to match them with someone who will respect and commit to being family. The whole notion of marrying someone you don't know tends to work when everyone is following the same assumptions about what it means to create a family structure and grow together as a unit.

If you are unwilling to take the time to cultivate a relationship, how do you envision a marriage playing out? Marriage is a lifetime relationship that requires constant engagement, thoughtfulness, shared experiences, hopes, dreams, challenges, failures and tons of forgiveness. A healthy marriage represents the definition of patience under pressure, of love in action, of acceptance of another person as you also embrace and accept yourself. You can't buy that. It is something that you develop over time if you and your spouse make the commitment and stay focused. A healthy dose of faith in the equation helps, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need to teach my daughter how to be more responsible with her smartphone. Over the past three years, she has lost three phones, costing a total of $1,200 to replace. I had insurance on the phones, but the policy does not cover them if the phones are lost or stolen. I cannot afford to spend large amounts of money to replace a phone every time my daughter loses it. How can I make her more responsible when it comes to her personal items? -- Be More Responsible, Chicago

DEAR BE MORE RESPONSIBLE: Stop rewarding your daughter for irresponsible behavior. The reason she believes she can lose a phone is because you continue to replace them. Do not buy her another phone. Inform your daughter that if she loses another phone, she will have to save up her own money to buy a new one.

You have not said your daughter's age, but as long as you remain responsible for her, you must teach her how to honor her possessions. You must also teach her to understand consequences. She will never learn to value something if you continue to replace it when she loses it.