DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee has gone back to graduate school to get her master's degree in nutrition. I am happy that she has found her purpose in life. She would like me to go back to school to get a degree in something that I like. I am not too sure if I want to go back to college because I am comfortable working for the U.S. Postal Service. She wants us to grow together both mentally and spiritually, and my biggest fear is that my fiancee will call off the wedding because I did not go back to college. I do not believe college is for everyone. Do I tell her that I am happy at my current job? -- Complacent Man, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR COMPLACENT MAN: You and your fiancee need to start having heart-to-heart talks about your hopes and dreams. Figure out together what interests you share and how you complement each other. It could be perfect for your fiancee to pursue her education while you hold it down with your steady job. If that's what you prefer, you need to make that clear. Speak up about your desires. Be courageous about describing what you want and like about life, even if that means that your pace is quite different from hers.

You will be honoring yourselves and your potential union by figuring out before you walk to the altar whether you are truly compatible. Getting a master's degree is a great accomplishment, but it is not a ticket to a happy marriage. Being on the same page about how you guide your life together is.

DEAR HARRIETTE: "Defiant" was upset because his date insisted on taking pictures at a party where none were allowed. I have a friend who has an elegant house with expensive furnishings. Since people were so enthused and posting pictures on the Internet, her insurance agent informed her that they could not safeguard her premises adequately unless she banned photographs. So she did.

We were informed before we got there that pictures were not allowed, but somebody took one. Our hostess was ready. She asked for the camera, then all cameras and cell phones. They were all placed in a lovely basket and locked in a cupboard. Everyone got their equipment back at the end of the party.

The next time I went there, a young person in the crowd spoke up and said, "Don't take a picture or she will take all of our cellphones." Nobody ever did.

Defiant should have confiscated his date's camera and that would have ended the debate for the evening. Even the NSA doesn't take pictures inside our houses. -- No Paparazzi Please, Chicago

DEAR NO PAPARAZZI PLEASE: What a smart and creative approach to managing social media in your home or any private location. You can confiscate the devices in order to ensure -- or at least mostly prevent -- photos from being taken and disseminated. Just make it a policy, and don't back down.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am interested in getting married, but I do not have the time or the patience to develop a relationship. A friend of mine suggested that I should find a mail-order bride. He also mentioned that the women are ready to be married and there is a low risk of rejection. I was wondering if there were mail-order bride programs in the United States. If so, how do I start this inquiry? -- Here Comes the Bride.com, Stonewall, Louisiana

DEAR HERE COMES THE BRIDE.COM: I don't think your friend was doing you any favors by recommending a so-called mail-order bride. Honestly, I think your friend was making a joke at your expense. Why? Well, it is true that in some cultures, people get married sight unseen, but they are immersed in traditions that trust that the parents or other elders have made wise choices on their behalf to match them with someone who will respect and commit to being family. The whole notion of marrying someone you don't know tends to work when everyone is following the same assumptions about what it means to create a family structure and grow together as a unit.

If you are unwilling to take the time to cultivate a relationship, how do you envision a marriage playing out? Marriage is a lifetime relationship that requires constant engagement, thoughtfulness, shared experiences, hopes, dreams, challenges, failures and tons of forgiveness. A healthy marriage represents the definition of patience under pressure, of love in action, of acceptance of another person as you also embrace and accept yourself. You can't buy that. It is something that you develop over time if you and your spouse make the commitment and stay focused. A healthy dose of faith in the equation helps, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need to teach my daughter how to be more responsible with her smartphone. Over the past three years, she has lost three phones, costing a total of $1,200 to replace. I had insurance on the phones, but the policy does not cover them if the phones are lost or stolen. I cannot afford to spend large amounts of money to replace a phone every time my daughter loses it. How can I make her more responsible when it comes to her personal items? -- Be More Responsible, Chicago

DEAR BE MORE RESPONSIBLE: Stop rewarding your daughter for irresponsible behavior. The reason she believes she can lose a phone is because you continue to replace them. Do not buy her another phone. Inform your daughter that if she loses another phone, she will have to save up her own money to buy a new one.

You have not said your daughter's age, but as long as you remain responsible for her, you must teach her how to honor her possessions. You must also teach her to understand consequences. She will never learn to value something if you continue to replace it when she loses it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is getting up in age. She is doing well, but I worry about her because she lives on her own and I live hundreds of miles away. We talk regularly, but if I miss a day or two, she is on the horn calling and trying to figure out what I am up to. On the one hand, I am grateful that she is aware enough to be "in my business." Several of my friends who still have their moms are dealing with dementia and other illnesses. But I also feel like I need to manage our interaction. I love my mother, but I do not want to give her blow-by-blow details of every aspect of my life. How can I keep anything to myself without hurting her feelings? -- In a Corner, Washington, D.C.

DEAR IN A CORNER: It is true that you are blessed that your mom remains of sound mind as she ages. Since she appreciates talking to you regularly, do your best to check in every few days. Ask her questions about her day. Show interest in her schedule. This will get her to talk about herself. Be sure to listen closely. You can also give her a highlight of your life each time you talk. Tell her that you want to share highlights so that she knows what to expect. Choose upbeat stories that she can share freely with her friends, stories that will keep her excited, motivated and connected to you -- without being every detail of your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my college town last week for a work commitment, and I thought I was going to have time to catch up with friends. I called in advance to say I would be in town and hoped that I would be able see them, but as it turned out, there wasn't even time to talk to them. I was in back-to-back meetings for my job, and then it was time to get back on the train and come home. I feel awful that I led my friends to believe that we would get together and I didn't even have a chance to contact them to say I was sorry. Now I'm so embarrassed that I'm not sure what to do. It has already been a week since I was there. Is it too late to apologize? -- Too Busy for My Own Good, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TOO BUSY FOR MY OWN GOOD: It is never too late to say you are sorry for hurting your friends' feelings. While it is likely that they were looking forward to reconnecting with you, it is also possible that at least some of them understand what a work schedule can do to a social schedule. Contact your friends right away and say how sorry you are that you were unable to get together. Express your remorse for not having more time. Explain that your schedule was jam-packed with meetings, and even though you wanted to be with them, you simply could not.

If you really do want to make time to spend with these friends, talk to them about a planned get-together either in their town, yours or somewhere in between. The most important thing is to follow up to say you are sorry this event didn't happen.