DEAR HARRIETTE: I am interested in getting married, but I do not have the time or the patience to develop a relationship. A friend of mine suggested that I should find a mail-order bride. He also mentioned that the women are ready to be married and there is a low risk of rejection. I was wondering if there were mail-order bride programs in the United States. If so, how do I start this inquiry? -- Here Comes the Bride.com, Stonewall, Louisiana

DEAR HERE COMES THE BRIDE.COM: I don't think your friend was doing you any favors by recommending a so-called mail-order bride. Honestly, I think your friend was making a joke at your expense. Why? Well, it is true that in some cultures, people get married sight unseen, but they are immersed in traditions that trust that the parents or other elders have made wise choices on their behalf to match them with someone who will respect and commit to being family. The whole notion of marrying someone you don't know tends to work when everyone is following the same assumptions about what it means to create a family structure and grow together as a unit.

If you are unwilling to take the time to cultivate a relationship, how do you envision a marriage playing out? Marriage is a lifetime relationship that requires constant engagement, thoughtfulness, shared experiences, hopes, dreams, challenges, failures and tons of forgiveness. A healthy marriage represents the definition of patience under pressure, of love in action, of acceptance of another person as you also embrace and accept yourself. You can't buy that. It is something that you develop over time if you and your spouse make the commitment and stay focused. A healthy dose of faith in the equation helps, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need to teach my daughter how to be more responsible with her smartphone. Over the past three years, she has lost three phones, costing a total of $1,200 to replace. I had insurance on the phones, but the policy does not cover them if the phones are lost or stolen. I cannot afford to spend large amounts of money to replace a phone every time my daughter loses it. How can I make her more responsible when it comes to her personal items? -- Be More Responsible, Chicago

DEAR BE MORE RESPONSIBLE: Stop rewarding your daughter for irresponsible behavior. The reason she believes she can lose a phone is because you continue to replace them. Do not buy her another phone. Inform your daughter that if she loses another phone, she will have to save up her own money to buy a new one.

You have not said your daughter's age, but as long as you remain responsible for her, you must teach her how to honor her possessions. You must also teach her to understand consequences. She will never learn to value something if you continue to replace it when she loses it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is getting up in age. She is doing well, but I worry about her because she lives on her own and I live hundreds of miles away. We talk regularly, but if I miss a day or two, she is on the horn calling and trying to figure out what I am up to. On the one hand, I am grateful that she is aware enough to be "in my business." Several of my friends who still have their moms are dealing with dementia and other illnesses. But I also feel like I need to manage our interaction. I love my mother, but I do not want to give her blow-by-blow details of every aspect of my life. How can I keep anything to myself without hurting her feelings? -- In a Corner, Washington, D.C.

DEAR IN A CORNER: It is true that you are blessed that your mom remains of sound mind as she ages. Since she appreciates talking to you regularly, do your best to check in every few days. Ask her questions about her day. Show interest in her schedule. This will get her to talk about herself. Be sure to listen closely. You can also give her a highlight of your life each time you talk. Tell her that you want to share highlights so that she knows what to expect. Choose upbeat stories that she can share freely with her friends, stories that will keep her excited, motivated and connected to you -- without being every detail of your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my college town last week for a work commitment, and I thought I was going to have time to catch up with friends. I called in advance to say I would be in town and hoped that I would be able see them, but as it turned out, there wasn't even time to talk to them. I was in back-to-back meetings for my job, and then it was time to get back on the train and come home. I feel awful that I led my friends to believe that we would get together and I didn't even have a chance to contact them to say I was sorry. Now I'm so embarrassed that I'm not sure what to do. It has already been a week since I was there. Is it too late to apologize? -- Too Busy for My Own Good, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TOO BUSY FOR MY OWN GOOD: It is never too late to say you are sorry for hurting your friends' feelings. While it is likely that they were looking forward to reconnecting with you, it is also possible that at least some of them understand what a work schedule can do to a social schedule. Contact your friends right away and say how sorry you are that you were unable to get together. Express your remorse for not having more time. Explain that your schedule was jam-packed with meetings, and even though you wanted to be with them, you simply could not.

If you really do want to make time to spend with these friends, talk to them about a planned get-together either in their town, yours or somewhere in between. The most important thing is to follow up to say you are sorry this event didn't happen.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a birthday party soon and have been trying to figure out whom to invite. I have a predominant friend group, and we all hang out with one another quite a bit. I also have one very close friend who has a different group of friends that I am not a part of, just as she is not a part of my main friend group. I think it would be polite to invite her to the party, but I'm worried that she will feel left out since she is not friends with the rest of the people I want to invite. Should I invite her? -- Guest List, Racine, Michigan

DEAR GUEST LIST: The kindest thing you can do is contact your friend who is not part of your predominant friend group and let her know about your party, tell her that you want to invite her and offer her the opportunity to bring a friend so that she will be sure to feel comfortable even though she won't know many of the people there.

This overture will make it clear to her that you want her to celebrate with you and that you are thinking about her comfort level. Some people do not have a problem milling about in a group where they do not know the others. If this is true for her, she may choose to come alone, but offering her the option is very thoughtful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked my most recent employer via email if I would be able to use him as a reference when applying for jobs. He responded moments later saying, "I don't know you like that." I wasn't sure if it was a joke or not, so I moved on and asked someone else. Should I have asked if he was kidding, or was I right to move on? -- Perplexed, Philadelphia

DEAR PERPLEXED: I actually think you should go back and contact your most recent employer again. Whether you request a reference from him, chances are high that a thorough background check will include contacting him. So you want to know what he thinks about you.

Call him and tell him you are following up per your recent communication. Tell him that you aren't sure what he meant by saying he "(doesn't) know you like that." Ask him directly what he thought of your job performance while you worked with him. Find out if he has issues of which you may not be aware. Get him to talk to you about your time working with him and learn what is on his mind.

If he was joking, admit to him that it threw you off. Tell him how much you would appreciate being able to list him as a credible reference. Do not do so unless you feel confident that he will have positive and specific things to say.