life

Third-Year Lawyer Interested in Dating Partner

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 27th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a third-year associate at a law firm and have been working closely with a partner on an upcoming case. He is in his early 30s and is not married. I think I have feelings for him, and I'm pretty sure he has feelings for me. Would it be completely unprofessional to tell him how I feel, or even go on a date? I value and love my job and have the utmost respect for my fellow workers, but I also think I owe it to myself to explore this relationship. We wouldn't have to tell anyone about our relationship. What do you think I should do? -- A Case of Love, Atlanta

DEAR A CASE OF LOVE: Is there an employee handbook at your company? If so, take a look to see if there is a policy on employee dating. If there is no restriction, I suggest you proceed with caution. While it is wise to be discreet about any relationship that may develop between you, know that someone will figure it out. The electric energy that exists between people who like each other, especially at the beginning of a relationship, is detectable, even when they are attempting to rendezvous secretly.

If you two decide to date, do so off premises. Keep your professional relationship professional. Do your jobs in a focused, respectful manner. Make your job performance above reproach. Agree on the front end that if you do decide to date and the day comes that the relationship ends or that you experience conflict, that you will continue to be respectful and mature. Give it a chance -- with your eyes wide open.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 27, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 27th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 4-year old son who is a picky eater. I try to feed him healthy foods like broccoli, carrots and cauliflower, but he's having none of it! All he wants to eat is pasta, pizza and sweets. I want him to have a balanced diet, and I'm nervous that if he doesn't start now, he never will have one. How can I start to incorporate healthy foods into his diet so he'll eat them? -- Son of a Gun, Dallas

DEAR SON OF A GUN: Stop bringing so many carbohydrates and sweets into your home. Have healthy options that look good but that are wise food choices. For instance, cut up carrots in fun designs. Make shakes that include fruits and vegetables. You can hide dark, leafy greens in fruit and present a smoothie!

Be clear with your son that he cannot only eat those items. Sometimes you have to create a standoff. Let him go hungry a time or two if he refuses to eat healthy options. This will teach him that he has to follow your directions. You may also want to offer him the reward of being able to play with friends, watch TV or something else he yearns to do only if he finishes his meal. You have to train him out of his bad eating habits right now.

life

Reader Can't Pay for Sister's Kids Anymore

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 26th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister lives in an area with not-so-great public schools. I make far more money than she does, so I have always paid for her two kids to attend a private school. However, my business recently took a large hit, and while I do still have the money to send them to the school, I don't feel like it would be financially responsible for me to continue sending them to a fancy, expensive private school. I love my niece and nephew, but they are not my children, and I have to look out for my immediate family. How do I tell my sister that I don't think I can pay her children's tuition anymore, and how do I handle any anger or resentment toward me? -- Cut Off, Miami

DEAR CUT OFF: Obviously, this is a difficult decision to have to make and to have to share with your sister. The timing is tough as well. It is likely that she has already signed a contractual agreement with her children's school for next year. Typically, this occurs in the spring. Because of that, I would recommend you allow the children to attend the school next year. Often, school contracts stipulate that you have to pay the full tuition if you withdraw after a certain date, usually in May, so your sister may be liable for that tuition even if the children do not attend. I suggest that you talk with your sister and explain what has occurred with your business and that you will not be able to continue paying for them to attend private school in the future.

This will give her fair warning either to relocate her children or to apply for financial aid, whereby they can show that you once paid but now it is on her to foot the entire bill. Your niece and nephew may be eligible for a scholarship. Or if she has to move them into public school, she will have time to make that transition less jarring.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 26, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 26th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I graduated from college seven years ago and have been working in the financial industry ever since. I absolutely hate it. Yes, the pay is great, but the hours are excruciating, the job is beyond stressful and my heart is just not in it. I want to do something more creative and rewarding with my life. However, I'm scared I won't find as much success as I already have. How would you suggest making this career change and life leap? -- Uninspired, New York City

DEAR UNINSPIRED: Start by saving as much money as you can. Honor your current role by reaping the major reward it has to offer: money. At the same time, meditate on what you want to do next. Do you have a burning interest to set another course for yourself, something specific?

It is always scary to make a change. One way to make a smart dramatic shift is to do research on what interests you. Figure out how viable a career option it is. With savings and a strong plan, pursue your dreams!

life

Walker Ready to Move Into the Fast Lane

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 25th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a bone to pick with pedestrians. I can't tell you how many times I have begun to walk up a flight of stairs only to discover that someone is walking down the side that I am walking up. As a child, I learned that you walk up on the right and down on the left. Is that still the proper way to use stairs? And when you are on an escalator or one of those moving walkways in airports, aren't you supposed to go to the right if you are moving slowly or want to stand still and let fast movers go on the left? Please tell me that this is true and that I'm not crazy. -- Up the Stairs, Chicago

DEAR UP THE STAIRS: The standard in America is that whether you are walking up or down a flight of steps, your right hand should be able to hold onto the handrail on your right. As you are walking down a flight of stairs, for example, if someone is walking up the same flight of stairs, that person should be passing you on your left and, therefore, not causing a collision.

It is true that if you want to pass someone on a staircase, whether it is moving or not, you pass on the left, just as one does in a vehicle.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 25, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 25th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just saw a nice posting on Facebook from an old friend, so I went to her page to look to see what she is up to. She is the mom of one of my friends, a woman probably in her late 60s. I was shocked to see that she had several pictures on her page of gun-wielding men who looked pretty scary. This is a woman I know through my church. She comes across as peace-loving and quiet. The pictures I saw were major testosterone images of men who looked like they were about to do battle. While I am not a member of the National Rifle Association, I get the idea that people have the right to bear arms. But I'm telling you that there was something creepy about these shots, especially coming from her. Should I ask her about them? I feel like I want to unfriend her. -- Social Media Disturbed, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SOCIAL MEDIA DISTURBED: Start by sending your friend a direct message on Facebook. Greet her kindly and then ask her why she has those pictures on her page. While it could be intentional, it could also be that someone posted them there and she may not know how to remove them. How deeply did you look into her photo stream? It could be that she is exposing pro-gun extremists at their worst to make a point.

Rather than passing judgment on this woman, inquire as to the rationale for the images on her page. I'm sure she will tell you, and then you can decide on your next steps accordingly.

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