DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor was going off about how he's not going to buy his fifth-grade daughter a cellphone because he thinks it's ridiculous for a child that young to have one. We were riding up in the elevator with him -- we, meaning my fourth-grade daughter and I. We just listened. It wasn't a time to say anything. He was just blowing off steam. But it was awkward because my daughter has a cellphone. It has limited functionality, but she has one because we thought it was a safety option we wanted for our only child with two parents working.

My daughter wanted to talk about it, saying she felt sorry for the other girl because her father sounded so strict. She wasn't quite sure how to take the whole conversation. I want to give her context. How can I do that without passing judgment anywhere? -- The Blasted Cellphone, Detroit

DEAR THE BLASTED CELLPHONE: First, remember why you gave your daughter a phone so young and evaluate whether you stand by your reasons. If so, continue. Talk to your daughter and remind her of the reasons you chose to give her a phone. Remind her of the importance of being responsible for knowing where it is and how to use it. Then tell her that every family is different. This is why we listen sometimes when people speak rather than make comments. That family has not made the same choice as yours. No need to bring that up to them. Live your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is 16 years old. She wants to have her belly button pierced because she is feeling pressure from her friends at school to get it done. I would prefer that she get her belly button pierced when she is at least 20 years old. My daughter is a good girl, and I do not want her to succumb to the unwanted peer pressure. What is a good age for a young person to get a body piercing? --Mama Knows Best, Chicago

DEAR MAMA KNOWS BEST: Timing for piercings is completely personal. Just as with ear piercings for children, some parents believe in piercing infants' ears because it hurts less or it's part of a family ritual. Others believe children should wait until they are 12 or 13 and capable of caring for the ears as they heal and being responsible for the cleaning of the earrings.

Similarly, with other body piercings, opinions vary. Personally, I err on the conservative side in the sense that a person should be responsible enough to care for such a piercing. But also, I would step back to think about the message it sends. A navel piercing at such a young age, in my estimation, draws the wrong kind of attention from boys. Just as you are hard-pressed to encourage your daughter to make wise and modest decisions about intimacy, it may not be the smartest decision to allow a piercing in that part of the body.

Further, succumbing to peer pressure is rarely a smart choice for young people or adults. If your daughter cannot articulate a sound reason why she herself wants this piercing, then I would recommend replacing that procedure with something less permanent and more age-appropriate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband was recently laid off from a big law firm in New York. We have three children, and I am a stay-at-home mom. He is trying to find places that are hiring, but he is not doing well. One of our kids is off to college next year, and we do not have enough money to live like we have been since we need to pay for college. It has been very hard on the family, and the financial tensions cause many fights. It has been a rough couple of months, and I do not know if I can take it much longer. What is the best way to manage this situation without ruining our relationship? -- Stressed Mother and Wife, Manhattan, New York

DEAR STRESSED MOTHER AND WIFE: Sit down with your husband to discuss your finances and to come up with a plan. Maybe you will need to get a job. Perhaps your college-bound child will need to get financial aid. Be practical as you consider your options. If you can address them as a team, you create space for respect and support through what will likely be an agonizing period for quite some time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just confronted me about wanting to go on birth control so she can have sex with her boyfriend. They are seniors in high school. I think that they are too young, but I don't want her to go behind my back and go unprotected. I'm scared that if I say no, then she will have sex anyway, no matter what I say. I feel that by giving in and letting her get the birth control, I am letting her have sex when I really am not OK with it. What is the best way to approach this situation? -- Scared Mom, Los Angeles

DEAR SCARED MOM: This is a very tough challenge that many parents face. On the one hand, you want to reinforce your values; on the other, you want to protect your daughter should she decide to move forward with her plan. One good thing to note is that she asked for your help in getting birth control. She did not have to do that. She could have gone to a clinic and gotten them on her own.

So, start by thanking her for bringing this topic up with you. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you feel that she is making this decision at this time. Ask her to tell you why she feels that the time is now. Why does she feel ready? Ask her about her relationship with her boyfriend. Is it a committed relationship, as much as a high school bond can generally be? Ask if he has had sex before, and if she has. Talk to her about why you wish she would wait longer. Be specific without being judgmental.

Ultimately, if you believe she is going to have sex, take her to a gynecologist who can talk to her about her body in more detail and allow her the birth control. Be sure, however, that she knows she must also use condoms to avoid contracting STDs, including HIV.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a freshman in high school. Last weekend, she came home from a party and vomited. My husband and I were unaware that she and her friends had been drinking because we have never spoken to her about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. We are very disappointed with her and are unsure how we are supposed to teach her a lesson. We have spoken to some of her friends' parents; they are not doing anything about this, and we think that's wrong. Should we ground her and not let her hang out with those people anymore? Or did she learn her lesson just by getting sick? We are very against underage drinking, and it will not stand in our house. -- Concerned Parents, Chicago

DEAR CONCERNED PARENTS: I encourage you to go back and read your own words. You have expressed concern, outrage and judgment in your reaction to your daughter's drinking. All of these emotions are valid, and what's most important is for you and your husband to change your approach as your daughter grows up. This incident should not be the reason for your talking to her about alcohol and drugs. The easiest time to talk to children about those topics, as well as puberty and sex, is when they are younger.

You say you absolutely won't permit underage drinking in your house. Does your daughter know that? Anyway, she didn't drink at home. Do not assume you know what lesson your daughter may have learned. You must sit down with her for a series of discussions about cause and effect -- when you do X, Y happens. Help her to understand the perils of certain activities, including hanging out with friends who break the law or participate in dangerous behavior. I wouldn't necessarily ban her from this friend group yet, though. Instead, get to know them. And by all means, establish ground rules that your daughter understands and agrees to follow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I have not been invited to hang out with my friends as much. I often find that my friends go out without me, and whenever I ask, they either ignore me or lie about their plans for the night. I don't understand why they are doing this because I haven't done anything wrong. All of a sudden, they just stopped including me. Last weekend, I ran into all of my friends at a bar after they had told me they didn't feel like going out that night because they were tired. I didn't want to confront them because I was scared that they would cause a scene in a public place. Even my best friend has been giving me the cold shoulder. Should I talk to them as a group or individually? Is it worth it? Or should I just try to find other people to hang out with? -- Desperate and Lonely, Philadelphia

DEAR DESPERATE AND LONELY: It must hurt to know that your friends have chosen not to spend time with you. I recommend reaching out to the friend you are closest with to ask what's going on. Do your best to get this friend to tell you if you did something to offend them or what happened. If you get no satisfactory answer, then it's time to find new friends.