DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a freshman in high school. Last weekend, she came home from a party and vomited. My husband and I were unaware that she and her friends had been drinking because we have never spoken to her about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. We are very disappointed with her and are unsure how we are supposed to teach her a lesson. We have spoken to some of her friends' parents; they are not doing anything about this, and we think that's wrong. Should we ground her and not let her hang out with those people anymore? Or did she learn her lesson just by getting sick? We are very against underage drinking, and it will not stand in our house. -- Concerned Parents, Chicago

DEAR CONCERNED PARENTS: I encourage you to go back and read your own words. You have expressed concern, outrage and judgment in your reaction to your daughter's drinking. All of these emotions are valid, and what's most important is for you and your husband to change your approach as your daughter grows up. This incident should not be the reason for your talking to her about alcohol and drugs. The easiest time to talk to children about those topics, as well as puberty and sex, is when they are younger.

You say you absolutely won't permit underage drinking in your house. Does your daughter know that? Anyway, she didn't drink at home. Do not assume you know what lesson your daughter may have learned. You must sit down with her for a series of discussions about cause and effect -- when you do X, Y happens. Help her to understand the perils of certain activities, including hanging out with friends who break the law or participate in dangerous behavior. I wouldn't necessarily ban her from this friend group yet, though. Instead, get to know them. And by all means, establish ground rules that your daughter understands and agrees to follow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I have not been invited to hang out with my friends as much. I often find that my friends go out without me, and whenever I ask, they either ignore me or lie about their plans for the night. I don't understand why they are doing this because I haven't done anything wrong. All of a sudden, they just stopped including me. Last weekend, I ran into all of my friends at a bar after they had told me they didn't feel like going out that night because they were tired. I didn't want to confront them because I was scared that they would cause a scene in a public place. Even my best friend has been giving me the cold shoulder. Should I talk to them as a group or individually? Is it worth it? Or should I just try to find other people to hang out with? -- Desperate and Lonely, Philadelphia

DEAR DESPERATE AND LONELY: It must hurt to know that your friends have chosen not to spend time with you. I recommend reaching out to the friend you are closest with to ask what's going on. Do your best to get this friend to tell you if you did something to offend them or what happened. If you get no satisfactory answer, then it's time to find new friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a situation. I have a volunteer at my church, and he can go to sleep at any minute of the day. Last week, there was an early morning meeting, and I found him asleep during an important presentation. There have been separate instances where he went to sleep right in front of an individual in mid-conversation. Good people are hard to find these days, and I do not want to lose him because of his erratic sleeping habits. How can I bring this issue up without embarrassing him? -- Wake Him Up, Queens, New York

DEAR WAKE HIM UP: Your church volunteer may have a serious medical problem, so it is in his best interest that you speak to him about it right away. He may not know that he falls asleep in this way, or he may think it is no big deal. There are a number of health conditions, such as sleep apnea, that could cause one to fall asleep suddenly.

Tell this man that you are concerned about him. Describe to him what you have witnessed with your own eyes. The more specific you can be, the easier it will be for him to receive this feedback. Explain that his sudden falling asleep is affecting his ability to do his work at the church. But more, point out that it could affect his overall well-being. Suggest that he make a doctor's appointment immediately to get a complete physical. Ask him if it would be OK for you to check back in with him about this in the coming days and weeks. He may need your urging to get him to take action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a teenage mother, and I currently live with my mother. For the past eight months, our relationship has grown distant, ever since my child arrived. I think my mother is angry with me because I became a teenage mom and I became sexually active at a very early age. Is there a way I can create positive dialogue with my mom? -- Momma's Baby, Memphis

DEAR MOMMA'S BABY: As you are experiencing, it is a huge job to take care of an infant. Add to that taking care of yourself, and your life can be stressful. For your mother, these past few months may have felt as overwhelming for her as they probably have been for you. She may feel guilty for not being able to steer you in a safer direction where you would choose not to have sex at all or to have protected sex. She is likely worried about your future, the possibilities for your continued education, the health of your child and how to pay for everything. The list of her concerns is probably long.

What you should do is some deep thinking of your own. What can you do to be more responsible for yourself and your child? How can you contribute more fully to your household? How can you engage your mother so that she knows you love and appreciate her for all that she does? Start talking to her honestly. Ask her for guidance and listen when she speaks. Thank her for all that she is doing for you and pledge to be the best contributor that you can be to your household.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a crush on my best friend. I am unsure if he has gotten the hint, but he has started to act weird around me. We have been friends for four years, and I could not imagine not having him in my life. It scares me when I think about not being friends with him anymore. I tell him everything. My friends think that I should tell him how I feel. I am nervous; I think that if I do tell him, he will stop talking to me because he won't know what to say or how to act around me. I really like him, and even if we just stay friends, I would be OK with that. How should I approach this situation? -- Nervous, Boston

DEAR NERVOUS: Take a deep breath and collect yourself. I believe your friends have a point. Since your best friend has changed his behavior around you recently, there must be a reason for that. Rather than trying to second-guess what that is, you can be forthright with him.

Tell him that you want to talk about something sensitive. With his blessing, go on and explain that you have developed feelings for him and are unsure how to proceed. Tell him how much you value your friendship and that you do not want to jeopardize that for anything. At the same time, reveal that if he shares your interest, you would like to see what happens if you start dating. Make it clear that if he just wants to be friends, you are good with that, too.

Being honest about your feelings should help to ease the tension, regardless of the outcome.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in high school, and I get pushed into drama all the time. Now I have my own drama. There is this guy I like who goes to my school, but I also like another one who I used to like in middle school. I have different reasons for liking each one, but I don't know what to do. Please help. -- Helplessly in Love, Pace, Florida

DEAR HELPLESSLY IN LOVE: Slow down. You are in high school, and it's perfectly normal that you haven't made a decision yet as to who will be your beau for life. If one of these boys expresses interest in you, pay attention to him first. Get to know him better to see if you share interests. Agree to spend time together.

If the other boy also invites you to do things with him, you are free to do that as well. Take your time to get to know him, too. Do not tell either boy that you are exclusive. And do not cross any intimate boundaries as you are getting to know them. When it is clear to you that you prefer one over the other, you may want to choose to focus your attention on him. If and when that happens, gracefully tell the other boy that you do not want to date him anymore. Being kind when transitioning out of a relationship is critical to maintaining respectful bonds.