DEAR HARRIETTE: Last weekend, my friends and I went to a party while visiting colleges. Since we are only juniors in high school, we have never really been to this type of party, and we were kind of nervous. Once we got there, we were confronted by a group of drunken guys. I do not drink very much myself, so I felt uncomfortable when they asked to get us drinks. I was peer-pressured into having this mixed drink that was being served, and I do not really remember the rest of the night. My friends told me the next morning that these guys had slipped something into my drink, which caused me to black out. I am very upset about this because I did not want to drink in the first place. My friends said they didn't allow the guys to take advantage of me, but still, I am upset with them. How do I address the fact that I am thankful, yet disappointed? -- Distraught Friend, Austin, Texas

DEAR DISTRAUGHT FRIEND: You have every reason to be upset. This was a very dangerous situation that could have turned out much worse. Rather than scolding your friends, you need to review your own personal checklist of things you will and will not do. Among them is the most difficult -- not succumbing to peer pressure. Call yourself the designated driver when you go to parties and choose not to drink, even if you aren't driving. Your friends will get the point. When you do want to drink, consume only drinks that you see made by a bartender or that you see poured out of a bottle. Do not ever drink the punch at a party. Do not have your friends or anyone else get a drink for you. Make it your policy to see the origin of the drink. That will help to reduce the chances of such folly in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently lost my job at a high-profile public relations firm. I have found another job, but it does not pay as much. I'm used to being able to splurge and buy the newest designer fashions, but my new salary does not afford me that luxury. I know they're just material objects, but I miss being able to go to the store and buy whatever I want. How can I tailor my spending to my new salary while still being able to indulge myself every once in a while? Moreover, is indulging even financially responsible? -- Cutting Costs, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR CUTTING COSTS: Life's twists and turns require you to shift along with them. Your key question, though, is what stands out. Is indulging responsible? No. Sure, every now and then treating yourself to something special can be nice. But first, you should have a budget worked out that includes all of your bills and a healthy allotment for saving short-term and for your retirement. You are never too young to put money away. That's way smarter than "throwing it away" on clothes or other things that do not have lasting value.

For your occasional treats, visit nearly new shops or big sales at your favorite stores where you can get great deals on high-quality items.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 19-year-old granddaughter recently moved out of her parents' home. They came home one day, and she had left. They quickly changed the garage door combination, took her off of their health insurance, required her to make payments on a vehicle that was given to her for her 18th birthday and her high school graduation and made her pay her auto insurance and her cellphone bill. The one thing that concerned me was her being removed from the health insurance because doing this saved them no money. In the past year, she had become close to a married couple from her church. This seemed OK to her parents until she moved in with them. This 19-year-old is not doing anything bad. She is in her first year of college, and since moving out, she has gone to work almost full time. Because I am still in contact with her, they no longer have anything to do with me. I cannot find anyone who can imagine a mother doing this to her child. My son-in-law is going along with whatever my daughter says to do. -- Concerned Grandmother, Dallas

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDMOTHER: Talk to your granddaughter and try to find out what happened that precipitated her moving out unexpectedly. Something happened that deeply upset her parents to the point that they washed their hands of responsibility for her.

If her parents refuse to talk to her right now, you should certainly stay close to her to ensure that she keeps clear and focused about her life. Your role can be to support her during this uncomfortable period. Over time, her parents may come back around. Until then, remain the bridge.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The school semester is coming to an end, and I would like to give my son's teacher a gift. The school has a policy in place where teachers cannot accept gifts, but I really want to give her one because she deserves it. How can I get around this policy without getting her in trouble? -- Breaking the Rules, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR BREAKING THE RULES: Your desire is understandable, but the effect of breaking such a rule would have the opposite impact of what you had in mind. You want to honor your son's teacher. One way to do that is to have your son write a thank-you note that espouses the many ways that she has supported him throughout the year. You, too, can write such a letter that expresses your thoughts and feelings as a parent about how much you respect your child's teacher's efforts during the school year.

In addition, you can bake cookies or bread or offer some other homemade or handmade gift to show your appreciation. Often, schools shy away from gifts that could be pricey because they don't want to allow anyone to create the semblance of "buying" favor or make other families feel uncomfortable if they cannot afford an extravagant gift.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter has been begging to watch "Mean Girls." All of her friends have seen it, even though it is PG-13. My husband and I do not want to expose her to movies like this yet because we think she is still too young. She is a bit immature, and we are nervous that she will not really understand what is going on in the movie. We did not let our oldest daughter watch PG-13 movies until she was actually 13, so we do not want to change the rules. Every time she asks, it turns into an argument. We feel bad punishing her, but we think that is the only way she will learn not to beg for things when we say no. What should we do? -- Strict Parents, Manhattan, New York

DEAR STRICT PARENTS: You are dealing with a number of issues here. First, recent studies suggest that PG-13 movies tend to feature more violence than some R-rated movies, which feature more sexual behavior. Showing violence to children is not recommended, of course.

That said, your daughter is likely to be exposed to both violence and mean girls in her young life. Your job as a parent is to teach her how to behave when it happens. Watching the film "Mean Girls" with her can provide an opportunity for you to talk to her about appropriate and inappropriate behavior. You can talk candidly about what happens when children bully others. This can be a valuable learning experience.

As far as changing the rules with your younger child, do know that it is common for this to happen with families. Your younger child is naturally exposed to more experiences because she has an older sibling. You may need to adjust accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I want to go on a vacation for our 15th anniversary. My dream vacation is to go to the Caribbean, but my husband loves to ski. I really do not like to ski because I got into a skiing accident years ago. We cannot make a mutual decision on where to go, which has caused an argument. This is supposed to be something fun and relaxing, but it has turned stressful and awkward. We should be celebrating our marriage, not fighting about where to go on a vacation. I'm nervous that we will not agree on a vacation spot and we will continue to fight about this. I think this is a stupid argument, but he is not giving up. -- Stressed Wife, Los Angeles

DEAR STRESSED WIFE: Go back to your husband and talk about a compromise. What would you both enjoy that is not an either-or situation? After 15 years of marriage, you need to be able to negotiate an experience that will satisfy you both. Make the decision together that you can do that, and then figure it out. Enjoy the process by encouraging each other to think creatively.