DEAR HARRIETTE: My 19-year-old granddaughter recently moved out of her parents' home. They came home one day, and she had left. They quickly changed the garage door combination, took her off of their health insurance, required her to make payments on a vehicle that was given to her for her 18th birthday and her high school graduation and made her pay her auto insurance and her cellphone bill. The one thing that concerned me was her being removed from the health insurance because doing this saved them no money. In the past year, she had become close to a married couple from her church. This seemed OK to her parents until she moved in with them. This 19-year-old is not doing anything bad. She is in her first year of college, and since moving out, she has gone to work almost full time. Because I am still in contact with her, they no longer have anything to do with me. I cannot find anyone who can imagine a mother doing this to her child. My son-in-law is going along with whatever my daughter says to do. -- Concerned Grandmother, Dallas

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDMOTHER: Talk to your granddaughter and try to find out what happened that precipitated her moving out unexpectedly. Something happened that deeply upset her parents to the point that they washed their hands of responsibility for her.

If her parents refuse to talk to her right now, you should certainly stay close to her to ensure that she keeps clear and focused about her life. Your role can be to support her during this uncomfortable period. Over time, her parents may come back around. Until then, remain the bridge.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The school semester is coming to an end, and I would like to give my son's teacher a gift. The school has a policy in place where teachers cannot accept gifts, but I really want to give her one because she deserves it. How can I get around this policy without getting her in trouble? -- Breaking the Rules, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR BREAKING THE RULES: Your desire is understandable, but the effect of breaking such a rule would have the opposite impact of what you had in mind. You want to honor your son's teacher. One way to do that is to have your son write a thank-you note that espouses the many ways that she has supported him throughout the year. You, too, can write such a letter that expresses your thoughts and feelings as a parent about how much you respect your child's teacher's efforts during the school year.

In addition, you can bake cookies or bread or offer some other homemade or handmade gift to show your appreciation. Often, schools shy away from gifts that could be pricey because they don't want to allow anyone to create the semblance of "buying" favor or make other families feel uncomfortable if they cannot afford an extravagant gift.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter has been begging to watch "Mean Girls." All of her friends have seen it, even though it is PG-13. My husband and I do not want to expose her to movies like this yet because we think she is still too young. She is a bit immature, and we are nervous that she will not really understand what is going on in the movie. We did not let our oldest daughter watch PG-13 movies until she was actually 13, so we do not want to change the rules. Every time she asks, it turns into an argument. We feel bad punishing her, but we think that is the only way she will learn not to beg for things when we say no. What should we do? -- Strict Parents, Manhattan, New York

DEAR STRICT PARENTS: You are dealing with a number of issues here. First, recent studies suggest that PG-13 movies tend to feature more violence than some R-rated movies, which feature more sexual behavior. Showing violence to children is not recommended, of course.

That said, your daughter is likely to be exposed to both violence and mean girls in her young life. Your job as a parent is to teach her how to behave when it happens. Watching the film "Mean Girls" with her can provide an opportunity for you to talk to her about appropriate and inappropriate behavior. You can talk candidly about what happens when children bully others. This can be a valuable learning experience.

As far as changing the rules with your younger child, do know that it is common for this to happen with families. Your younger child is naturally exposed to more experiences because she has an older sibling. You may need to adjust accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I want to go on a vacation for our 15th anniversary. My dream vacation is to go to the Caribbean, but my husband loves to ski. I really do not like to ski because I got into a skiing accident years ago. We cannot make a mutual decision on where to go, which has caused an argument. This is supposed to be something fun and relaxing, but it has turned stressful and awkward. We should be celebrating our marriage, not fighting about where to go on a vacation. I'm nervous that we will not agree on a vacation spot and we will continue to fight about this. I think this is a stupid argument, but he is not giving up. -- Stressed Wife, Los Angeles

DEAR STRESSED WIFE: Go back to your husband and talk about a compromise. What would you both enjoy that is not an either-or situation? After 15 years of marriage, you need to be able to negotiate an experience that will satisfy you both. Make the decision together that you can do that, and then figure it out. Enjoy the process by encouraging each other to think creatively.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm about to enter my freshman year of college, and I'm already thinking about what I'll do next summer. My parents want me to get an internship to pad my resume for when it's time for me to get a serious job. However, I want to return to the sleepaway camp I went to as a kid and be a counselor. I figure I have the rest of my life to work, so why not have fun for one summer? I don't know how to tell my parents this, and I'm scared they'll be mad and stressed that I am at a disadvantage when getting a real job. What do you think I should do? -- Real World Too Soon, Greenwich, Connecticut

DEAR REAL WORLD TOO SOON: Take a deep breath. The first thing you need to do is focus on school. Your freshman year in college promises to be more challenging and very different from high school. Give yourself a chance to acclimate to college life and the rigors of your academic workload.

Talk to your adviser at school about your interests, and learn if there are any summer internship opportunities that may interest you. Keep track of the deadline for your summer camp. When you get closer to having to make a decision, discuss your thoughts with your adviser and your parents. You and your parents have valid ideas. I can tell you that any job experience that you can gain that is focused on your future life choices is wise whenever possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are seven months pregnant. As I get closer to my due date, I have found myself becoming more and more anxious about becoming a mom! I'm an only child, and I have limited experience working with kids. My husband assures me that once our baby is born, my maternal instincts will kick in, but I'm not so sure. I've always wanted and loved kids, but I have no idea how to be a mom. What can I do to make myself feel ready for my baby before he or she gets here? -- Expecting, Seattle

DEAR EXPECTING: You are in good company, my dear! Even for first-time moms with siblings, trepidation is common because it is hard to know what to anticipate. Talk to your doctor about any medical questions you may have. Identify a pediatrician so that you are ready for when your son or daughter is born. Ask that doctor as many questions as you can think of in order to get ready. A wonderful resource book I read when I was pregnant was "What to Expect When You're Expecting." It outlines in great detail what you should know from birth up to age 5.

Be sure to talk to friends and family members with children. Observe them first, though, to ensure that you are in alignment with the choices they have made. Finally, trust your instincts. Among you and your husband and your network of support, you will learn how to care for your child.