DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has been getting bullied in school. She just turned 11. She is a bit slow in school because she has dyslexia, but she is able to function well in a normal classroom setting. The other girls in her class often make fun of her because she is a slow reader and writer; they do not understand that she is learning impaired. The teachers have not been involved, and I am hurt that my daughter is so upset when she comes home from school. I have tried calling the school, but it has not been helpful at all. Should I go directly to the parents of these children? -- Upset and Worried, Manhattan, New York

DEAR UPSET AND WORRIED: Schedule an appointment with your daughter's teacher, guidance counselor and the principal. Get someone to respond. At the meeting, explain what your daughter's condition is and what support you need the school to offer her. Let the officials know that other children are ridiculing her and crushing her feelings. Ask them to be more observant so that they can support her during moments of bullying.

Find out if you can get an educational adjustment program (EAP) for your daughter that will provide additional help for her special needs.

If the school remains unwilling to help you, consider changing schools. Your daughter deserves to attend a school that will pay attention to her needs and help other students to be mindful. As far as going to the other parents, that is often tricky. Without the backup of the educators to help reinforce good behavior, it could easily turn into your daughter's word against their children's.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just finished my freshman year of college, which I found to be very academically and socially challenging. I had difficulty managing my heavy workload in all my subjects and often found myself finishing assignments at the last minute. I didn't do as well as I would have liked. I also found it difficult to balance my workload and social life. There were situations where I knew I should stay in and finish my work, but I went out to party with my friends anyway. I don't want to miss out on opportunities to hang out with my friends. For the rest of my college experience, how can I make sure I'm on top of my schoolwork, but also make the most of my social life? -- Work Hard, Play Hard, Tucson, Arizona

DEAR WORK HARD, PLAY HARD: As in school, so in life. You cannot do everything well if you do it all at the same time; it's all about scheduling and balance. Keep a carefully crafted calendar of your responsibilities. Write in studying time, especially for exams. Give yourself times that you can socialize as well. Then honor your schedule. While it may be fun to go to a spontaneous party, resist the temptation when you haven't finished your homework or you have a big test the next day. Reward yourself with playtime only when you deserve it. Yes, you will miss out on some activities, but in the end, you will be successful, responsible and happy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 20-year-old son is in a serious relationship with his girlfriend. They have been dating for two years now, but they are still in college. They would like to get married, but my husband and I are opposed to it because they are still very young. However, his girlfriend's parents are encouraging them to get married right away. Since they are over 18, we do not have a say, but we really think that they should wait until they graduate from college. We are scared that if they get married now, they may drop out of college and waste everything they have worked for. We do not know what to do. -- Concerned Parents, San Diego

DEAR CONCERNED PARENTS: Since you cannot control their actions, rather than continuing to say no to your son and his girlfriend, take a different tack. Start listening to them. Ask them what their plans are. Find out if they have a strategy for the next few years. When do they want to get married? Do they plan to finish school? When do they want to have children? How will they support each other? Ask, but do not interrogate them.

Make it clear to them that you are no longer trying to tell them what to do, but you want to understand what they intend to do so that you can do your best to support their success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old daughter insists on getting an iPhone for her birthday since all of her friends have one. My husband and I think that she is way too young and does not need an iPhone. Plus, we cannot afford to pay for one. Every time we discuss this with her, it always turns into a huge argument full of screaming and tears. We do not want to give in, but she is being a brat about it and comparing herself to her other friends. At this point, she asks us every day when she is getting her iPhone, and we do not know what to say. We do not want her to feel upset and left out, but we do not want her to think that if she begs for something for long enough, she will eventually get it. How do we teach her these important lessons without getting into another argument? -- Worn-Out Mom, Long Island, New York

DEAR WORN-OUT MOM: Your job as a mom is to enforce your family's rules. Her job as a preteen is to push the limits. You really cannot let her win on every front. What some parents do when their children start demanding expensive things is to tell them to save their money so that they can pay for it. If your daughter gets an allowance, she can save that. If not, you may want to suggest duties that she can fulfill on a regular basis for a particular amount of money. Or you may want to encourage her to offer to do chores for elderly neighbors or others so that she can earn money. She can use gift cards that she receives for her birthday or holidays.

The point is, if she is so inclined to have this phone, require her to be able to pay for it herself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week I received an email about one of my friends from this crazy lady in town. The email was horrible and degrading. It took hits on other women in town, as well as my friend's children and other family members. About 100 people received this letter, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Everyone is talking about it, and I can only imagine how upset and embarrassed my friend feels. I am unsure as to what I am supposed to do about this. Should I call my friend and let her know that I have seen this letter? Should I just delete it and pretend I never saw it? -- Indecisive, Saginaw, Michigan

DEAR INDECISIVE: Definitely contact your friend. Tell her that you received the email, and you want to make sure she is OK. Ask her if she has seen it. If not, forward it to her immediately. Find out from her what she wants to do about it.

Sometimes such an action is so heinous that it warrants calling the authorities. Other times, people choose to ignore it and chalk it up to someone having a bad day. Your friend will need to determine what is best for her. Since the email writer chose to speak negatively about children, your friend may have a case to file to get her to cease and desist.

To your main question, absolutely you should be in touch with your friend and let her know that you want to support her in any way that you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When we go out for dinner as a family, I usually let my 18-year-old daughter have a glass of wine with my husband and me. Last night, we went out for dinner with our family friends, and my daughter asked if she could join the adults to have a glass. This family also has an 18-year-old daughter, but they do not let her drink alcohol under any circumstances. It was a bit uncomfortable because they are very against underage drinking, and we did not realize how strongly they felt about this. We did not end up letting our daughter have the wine because we did not want to get into an argument with the other family. Should we not let our daughter drink with us in public? Is it offensive to others? -- Confused Parent, Boston

DEAR CONFUSED PARENT: The law is not on your side. The National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1983 prohibits the purchase of alcohol for anyone under 21. While in some states there is no ruling about whether a person under 21 can consume alcohol while at home, that is not the circumstance you mention. In Maryland, minors are allowed to drink alcohol on non-alcohol-selling premises when in the company of a parent who has given consent. But you are not in Maryland.

While your chaperoned idea of allowing your child to have a glass of wine with dinner seems reasonable, it is not legal. Could it be offensive to others? Yes. It could also get you arrested.