DEAR HARRIETTE: My 20-year-old son is in a serious relationship with his girlfriend. They have been dating for two years now, but they are still in college. They would like to get married, but my husband and I are opposed to it because they are still very young. However, his girlfriend's parents are encouraging them to get married right away. Since they are over 18, we do not have a say, but we really think that they should wait until they graduate from college. We are scared that if they get married now, they may drop out of college and waste everything they have worked for. We do not know what to do. -- Concerned Parents, San Diego

DEAR CONCERNED PARENTS: Since you cannot control their actions, rather than continuing to say no to your son and his girlfriend, take a different tack. Start listening to them. Ask them what their plans are. Find out if they have a strategy for the next few years. When do they want to get married? Do they plan to finish school? When do they want to have children? How will they support each other? Ask, but do not interrogate them.

Make it clear to them that you are no longer trying to tell them what to do, but you want to understand what they intend to do so that you can do your best to support their success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old daughter insists on getting an iPhone for her birthday since all of her friends have one. My husband and I think that she is way too young and does not need an iPhone. Plus, we cannot afford to pay for one. Every time we discuss this with her, it always turns into a huge argument full of screaming and tears. We do not want to give in, but she is being a brat about it and comparing herself to her other friends. At this point, she asks us every day when she is getting her iPhone, and we do not know what to say. We do not want her to feel upset and left out, but we do not want her to think that if she begs for something for long enough, she will eventually get it. How do we teach her these important lessons without getting into another argument? -- Worn-Out Mom, Long Island, New York

DEAR WORN-OUT MOM: Your job as a mom is to enforce your family's rules. Her job as a preteen is to push the limits. You really cannot let her win on every front. What some parents do when their children start demanding expensive things is to tell them to save their money so that they can pay for it. If your daughter gets an allowance, she can save that. If not, you may want to suggest duties that she can fulfill on a regular basis for a particular amount of money. Or you may want to encourage her to offer to do chores for elderly neighbors or others so that she can earn money. She can use gift cards that she receives for her birthday or holidays.

The point is, if she is so inclined to have this phone, require her to be able to pay for it herself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week I received an email about one of my friends from this crazy lady in town. The email was horrible and degrading. It took hits on other women in town, as well as my friend's children and other family members. About 100 people received this letter, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Everyone is talking about it, and I can only imagine how upset and embarrassed my friend feels. I am unsure as to what I am supposed to do about this. Should I call my friend and let her know that I have seen this letter? Should I just delete it and pretend I never saw it? -- Indecisive, Saginaw, Michigan

DEAR INDECISIVE: Definitely contact your friend. Tell her that you received the email, and you want to make sure she is OK. Ask her if she has seen it. If not, forward it to her immediately. Find out from her what she wants to do about it.

Sometimes such an action is so heinous that it warrants calling the authorities. Other times, people choose to ignore it and chalk it up to someone having a bad day. Your friend will need to determine what is best for her. Since the email writer chose to speak negatively about children, your friend may have a case to file to get her to cease and desist.

To your main question, absolutely you should be in touch with your friend and let her know that you want to support her in any way that you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When we go out for dinner as a family, I usually let my 18-year-old daughter have a glass of wine with my husband and me. Last night, we went out for dinner with our family friends, and my daughter asked if she could join the adults to have a glass. This family also has an 18-year-old daughter, but they do not let her drink alcohol under any circumstances. It was a bit uncomfortable because they are very against underage drinking, and we did not realize how strongly they felt about this. We did not end up letting our daughter have the wine because we did not want to get into an argument with the other family. Should we not let our daughter drink with us in public? Is it offensive to others? -- Confused Parent, Boston

DEAR CONFUSED PARENT: The law is not on your side. The National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1983 prohibits the purchase of alcohol for anyone under 21. While in some states there is no ruling about whether a person under 21 can consume alcohol while at home, that is not the circumstance you mention. In Maryland, minors are allowed to drink alcohol on non-alcohol-selling premises when in the company of a parent who has given consent. But you are not in Maryland.

While your chaperoned idea of allowing your child to have a glass of wine with dinner seems reasonable, it is not legal. Could it be offensive to others? Yes. It could also get you arrested.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Why are summer camps so expensive? I have an 8-year-old son, and he is interested in playing organized basketball. I did some research, and I found the average cost of a sports camp is about $500. I also found out that the sessions are eight hours each day for five days. I understand paying that kind of money for a teenager, but not for an 8-year-old. Do you know a less expensive way to have my son learn how to play basketball? -- Novice Dad, New York City

DEAR NOVICE DAD: You are in luck. There are camps of all different prices -- you just have to do a little searching. Check with your local Y. Look for community centers in your area where there should be sports programs, including basketball, during the summer for a nominal fee. In New York City, the Children's Aid Society offers affordable camps. Visit childrensaidsociety.org/camps for more information.

Many churches offer camps for children, too. And some camps offer financial aid to families who need support. You can find a camp that will fit your budget. Don't give up!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 51 years old, and I am planning to attend graduate school to get my master's in education. I am wondering if I am able to receive financial aid for my postgraduate degree. -- Higher Learning, Chicago

DEAR HIGHER LEARNING: First, figure out where you might want to go to school. Learn the costs for a few schools that you like, and investigate to see if the schools offer scholarships or financial aid. A scholarship is money you do not have to pay back that is based on merit. Look into scholarships to see what types are offered. You would be amazed at the range of specificity to consider. Same goes for grants that are offered for all kinds of reasons, including being a late bloomer going back for a degree. Actively ask questions of your school to see what it has to offer.

Financial aid can be money that you don't pay back that is based on need. You will have to organize all of your financial papers so that you can file for financial support. This will include your W-2, all other income and all debt. Typically, the school has a division that will process your request and let you know if you are eligible for aid and, if so, how much. Also, look into FAFSA.

Go beyond the school and look into community organizations, churches and social clubs. Do your research to determine if there is money available for somebody like you who wants to continue your education. There are many websites that point to potential scholarships. Look online. Go to the library and ask questions. By all means, talk to financial aid officers at the schools you find interesting.