DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad is 63 years old. He has been living with his girlfriend for more than 15 years, and I would like to see them married. I have never met his girlfriend, but I think it would be nice to make her an honest women. He couldn't do it before because he never officially divorced my mom. But my mom passed away a few years ago, so he's free. Do you think I should tell him what I think? Or should I stay out of grown folks' business? -- What Is a Son to Do?, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR WHAT IS A SON TO DO?: Applying your moral values to your father and his girlfriend when you haven't even met her seems dangerous. While theoretically you believe it would be better for your father and his girlfriend to be married if they are going to live together, you don't sound like you actually know anything about their relationship.

So, yes, you should stay out of their business. It is not for you to impose your beliefs or judgments on them. If you would like to understand your father's choices, however, you can ask him. You can tell him you want to know why he has chosen not to marry his girlfriend. If you ask kindly and without judgment lacing your words, you may get an answer. It may or may not be what you want to hear, but it may help you to create a clearer line of communication with your father.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For spring break, my group of friends decided to go away to the Bahamas. My dad recently lost his job, so I could not afford to go. I was embarrassed to tell my friends the real reason, so I lied and told them my parents were worried about the risky activity. Now all my friends won't stop reminiscing about their time in the Bahamas. I feel so left out. I know it's unfair, but I'm mad at my parents for making me miss out on this experience. What can I do to make sure that I don't have to miss out on more experiences with my friends, even if they're costly? I don't know how many more excuses I can think of! Furthermore, do I tell my friends about our current financial situation? I feel like it's none of their business. -- Left Out, Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR LEFT OUT: When a family's finances change, it can cause a seismic shift in what extracurricular activities you can choose. And, yes, it can be painfully difficult to miss out on the fun that your friends are enjoying. While it is none of your friends' business what your family finances are, it also is a fact about your life. Talk to your parents about whether they will feel comfortable with you revealing your current reality. There need not be shame in job loss. It is a reality that many people these days are facing.

Lying about why you can't do things is actually more difficult to manage. I recommend that you tell your closest friends the truth. To be able to have future fun that comes with a cost, you may need to get a part-time job so you can save for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had a crush on this guy for a really long time. One of my best friends feels the same way about him. At the beginning of the school year, he and I were exclusive for about five months until we were about to have sex. When I asked him if I meant anything to him, he avoided the topic and told me that he didn't actually like me that much. We broke up, but I am still not over him. Last weekend, my best friend and this boy confessed their love for each other and are going to prom together -- as a couple. Since we are in the same friend group, I am forced to pretend that I am not mad at her because my friends don't want to deal with any drama. I am so not OK with this situation, and I cannot believe she would do this to me. What should I do? -- Feeling Betrayed, Boston

DEAR FEELING BETRAYED: Both the boy and your friend have been insensitive to you and your feelings. The boy should not have been dating you exclusively if he didn't really like you. That was very immature and heartless.

Given that you are in high school, it is understandable that you are all still learning how to have a relationship, maintain your friendships and stay sane. It isn't easy, even when you get older. For now, if you can, find a date for the prom so that you will have a healthy distraction from obsessing over them. If not, make a plan to spend time with your other friends without always being in the company of those two.

Your feelings may be hurt when you witness the two of them as a couple, but you should find some solace in realizing that you stopped the relationship from turning a very dangerous corner by not having sex with him when you discovered that you and he didn't share the same feelings for each other. Give yourself credit for being wise. You can get through this with integrity on your side.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son went to a birthday party, but he did not bring a gift because I forgot to get one for him. He just received a thank-you note from the child for a gift that someone else obviously bought for him. This happened before we could get the child a gift. My son asked me if we should tell the friend that the gift did not come from him or if we should just let him think what he does already. I think we should tell the truth, don't you? -- Wrong Gift, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR WRONG GIFT: Of course your son should tell his friend that someone else gave him the gift in question. If possible, it would be great for your son to give him the gift that you and he originally intended at the same time. But even if you aren't able to do that, absolutely let the friend know that he thanked the wrong person.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that my best friend's parents are getting a divorce. Our parents have been friends for years, and they are like a second family to me. Her dad cheated on her mom, and her mom has turned the kids against the dad. When my friend tries to talk to me about this situation, I feel very uncomfortable because I think that it is wrong that she does not communicate with her dad. She asks me for advice, but I don't want to go against what she believes is right. I know she is very upset about this situation, and I really don't know what to say to her when she brings up the divorce. Should I try to avoid this subject completely or try and comfort her without giving my opinion? -- Uncomfortable, Miami

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: You are doing the right thing by not taking sides. There is no winning in this situation if you become too vocal about your opinions. Do your best to simply be there for your friend. Remind her that you love her and want to support her through everything. Suggest that she see a counselor to get professional support as she goes through this incredibly difficult period.

If she asks you to take sides or agree with something that makes you uncomfortable, tell her no. It is OK for you to say that you refuse to speak badly about either of her parents. If she gets too riled up about the divorce when she is talking to you, you can protect yourself by saying that you need to step back a little. Tell her you want to support her, but that you cannot get involved in her parents' business.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am starting college in the fall, and I am very nervous about it. I have lived in one place for my entire life and have never really experienced this type of change before. All of my friends have found roommates, but I have barely spoken to anyone going to my school next year. I really don't want a random roommate because I would feel more comfortable knowing who I am going to live with. I come off as a shy person, and it is hard for me to open up to new people. I am scared that this transition will be extremely difficult. Do you have any advice for me to feel better about starting this new chapter in my life? -- Shy and Scared, Secaucus, N.J.

DEAR SHY AND SCARED: Contact your college immediately and find out how it goes about assigning roommates. You will end up with a random roommate if you take no action. That doesn't have to be bad, though. You could be lucky and get the perfect match.

To avoid randomness, ask your guidance counselor to help you. Open up about who you are. Reveal that it can take some time for you to get to know people. Also ask for suggestions for clubs or groups that share your interests. Joining a small affinity group will make it easier for you to get to know people.