life

Recent Grad Having Trouble Finding a Job

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 19th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently graduated from a top college with honors, but I do not have a job for the fall yet. I know this should be an exciting and proud time in my life, yet I cannot overcome the anxiousness and frustration I feel about finding a job. I have sent in applications for many positions, but have had little luck hearing back. I don't understand, as I'm a competitive and qualified applicant. How am I supposed to jumpstart my career when I can barely get my foot in the door? Is my difficulty finding a job bad luck, or is there something wrong with me? -- Unemployed and Unhopeful, Boston

DEAR UNEMPLOYED AND UNHOPEFUL: First of all, know that you are not alone. Many recent college grads are looking for work -- all at the same time. This means that it may take longer to find a job, especially considering that the economy is still growing at a slow pace. This does not mean that you should worry.

Now is the time to take a deep breath, buckle down and get strategic. Go back and review your strengths. Then identify where you have experience and expertise. Research which fields are hiring, and look to see where your skills match. As executive recruiter Marlon Cousin of the Marquin Group shared with me, "You have to look in fields where there is a need in order to find a job."

If you are on good terms with your college, go back to your placement office and ask them for support in targeting a search for work. Finally, while you continue to look, volunteer for a business that does what interests you. In this way, you can earn experience that may even convert to a job.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 19, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 19th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has recently lost a large amount of weight from her already-skinny frame. She obsesses over what she eats and works out for hours a day. I'm really worried about her. Whenever I try and bring up the subject, she always insists she's fine. I truly care about her, but being around her is too stressful and not fun. I don't know how much more I can do to help her. I feel like she's my responsibility because her mom and dad both work early mornings and late nights and are barely around. I don't know who else I can reach out to in order to get her the help she needs. -- At a Loss, Minneapolis

DEAR AT A LOSS: It is likely that your friend has an eating disorder. While experts do not believe that talking to her about her weight or her lack of eating will help, they do recommend that you talk to your friend about her feelings. Ask her what's going on in her life. Suggest that she get help.

Even though her parents work a lot, you could reach out to say that you are worried about her. You can also ask the school nurse for support.

You also have to take care of yourself. If that means you don't hang out with her as much, so be it. Just check in regularly to let her know you love her and are concerned about her. For more information, read counseling.caltech.edu/general/InfoandResources/Eating_Disorder.

life

Parent Outraged Over Sleepover Activities

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 17th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 9-year-old son came home from a friend's after a sleepover and told me that his friend's parents allowed them to watch several R-rated movies. Now, I'm no prude, but there is a reason movies have ratings. R-rated movies are not appropriate for young children. My son was thrilled, of course, because an adult allowed him to do something that his parents would never think of doing. But I am outraged. I didn't even think to ask what the movies were that they would be watching when I was told that it was "movie night." How should I handle this? -- Out of Sorts, Princeton, N.J.

DEAR OUT OF SORTS: Given that you were told it was "movie night," which suggests that there was some intention behind the planning for the evening of the sleepover, you should contact your son's friend's parents immediately. As calmly as you can, ask them what movies they showed the children. Tell them what movies your son said he watched. Point out that these specific movies are rated R. (Obviously, verify that they do bear that rating. Don't just trust your son's word.) Ask why they would show young children such films.

Express your disappointment that they did show inappropriate movies to the children. Because your children are friends, if you ever want your son to visit them again, you need to add that you trust that they will be more mindful in the future of what is age-appropriate. And you should check to see what the activities will be before you allow your son to go.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 17, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 17th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I worked with a vendor recently who was referred to me by someone I know who was trying to help him get work. The project ended miserably, and I really want to report him to the Better Business Bureau. Do you think I am overreacting? In the end, my company was sued by this vendor, who actually did a lousy job on the project. Because he was tricky with his contract, we probably do have to pay him. I think he should have to pay. -- In a Mess, Denver

DEAR IN A MESS: If this vendor has a rock-solid contract, you may not be able to solve much by going to the Better Business Bureau. Talk to an attorney about your legal rights. And by all means attempt to talk directly to the vendor to resolve the matter amicably. If you choose to go to the BBB, you can file a complaint that will be sent to them immediately for response. If they refuse to respond, at least your complaint will be on record. Read this for more support on filing a complaint: bbb.org/blog/2013/04/bbb-offers-tips-on-when-and-how-to-file-a-complaint/.

What you can also do is let your clients know that this vendor is not to be trusted.

life

Gossip About Friend Irritates Reader

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 16th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who did some time in jail. She hasn't really talked about it, but I know it happened, and now she's OK. She is rebuilding her life, and it's going all right. Recently, though, I overheard some of her so-called friends talking about her like a dog. They were gossiping about her past, guessing at why she went to jail in the first place and saying mean stuff about her. She served her time. Why can't they just leave her alone? I feel bad for her. Should I tell her what people are saying? How can I be a friend to her? -- Gossip Hater, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR GOSSIP HATER: Rather than telling your friend what these people are saying, just be there for her. Be a good listener. Be kind to her. Let her know that it is safe for her to confide in you.

As far as the people doing the gossiping, do not participate. If you are ever in their company again when you hear them, speak up and say that you think it is unkind of them to talk about her like that.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 16, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 16th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two employees who are in college. Recently, they have been really slacking at work. I couldn't figure out why this was, so I asked and learned that they were deep into finals, which is why they weren't paying attention to their responsibilities. I really wish they had said something sooner. I had to do lots of their work over because they weren't paying attention. Of course, I am happy that they are pursuing their education, but they get paid to work for me, and I expect them to do their job. What should I do about this? -- Can't Stand Slackers, Chicago

DEAR CAN'T STAND SLACKERS: Chances are, your employees did not realize how much time their studies would take up. I doubt that they intentionally did a poor job at work. That doesn't excuse them, of course.

What you can do now is to sit them down and tell them how disappointed you are in their job performance. Also tell them that you wish they had given you the heads up about finals season so that you could have worked out a schedule that would have accommodated their needs and yours. Point out that it was irresponsible of them to do a poor job.

Teach them how to handle their time better. Finals season may be a time when they should request vacation days so that they can focus on their schoolwork in an uninterrupted way. In that way, they can honor their educational priority without infringing upon their work responsibility. You may want to dock their pay a small amount to drive home the point.

In the future, as an employer of students, it is wise for you to learn the details of their academic schedule so that you can anticipate challenging periods and help them plan accordingly.

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