DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who did some time in jail. She hasn't really talked about it, but I know it happened, and now she's OK. She is rebuilding her life, and it's going all right. Recently, though, I overheard some of her so-called friends talking about her like a dog. They were gossiping about her past, guessing at why she went to jail in the first place and saying mean stuff about her. She served her time. Why can't they just leave her alone? I feel bad for her. Should I tell her what people are saying? How can I be a friend to her? -- Gossip Hater, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR GOSSIP HATER: Rather than telling your friend what these people are saying, just be there for her. Be a good listener. Be kind to her. Let her know that it is safe for her to confide in you.

As far as the people doing the gossiping, do not participate. If you are ever in their company again when you hear them, speak up and say that you think it is unkind of them to talk about her like that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two employees who are in college. Recently, they have been really slacking at work. I couldn't figure out why this was, so I asked and learned that they were deep into finals, which is why they weren't paying attention to their responsibilities. I really wish they had said something sooner. I had to do lots of their work over because they weren't paying attention. Of course, I am happy that they are pursuing their education, but they get paid to work for me, and I expect them to do their job. What should I do about this? -- Can't Stand Slackers, Chicago

DEAR CAN'T STAND SLACKERS: Chances are, your employees did not realize how much time their studies would take up. I doubt that they intentionally did a poor job at work. That doesn't excuse them, of course.

What you can do now is to sit them down and tell them how disappointed you are in their job performance. Also tell them that you wish they had given you the heads up about finals season so that you could have worked out a schedule that would have accommodated their needs and yours. Point out that it was irresponsible of them to do a poor job.

Teach them how to handle their time better. Finals season may be a time when they should request vacation days so that they can focus on their schoolwork in an uninterrupted way. In that way, they can honor their educational priority without infringing upon their work responsibility. You may want to dock their pay a small amount to drive home the point.

In the future, as an employer of students, it is wise for you to learn the details of their academic schedule so that you can anticipate challenging periods and help them plan accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a divorced mom of two young children. My ex and I have been apart for three years. I recently started dating a very nice guy. I want to introduce him to my children, but I am worried that they may not like him. I think they are still sad that my husband and I broke up, so any guy they meet will be the wrong guy. At the same time, I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I'm still young. I need them to know that it's normal for their mom to want to date and have a new life partner. How do I go about doing that? -- Single Mom Dating, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR SINGLE MOM DATING: I have talked to quite a few single moms and dads about this conundrum. On the one hand, you do not want to parade an endless group of dates before your children. On the other, you do want them to see that you have a whole life.

I recommend that if you really do like this man that you introduce him to them as your friend. Create moments when they can get to know him. There may be some trepidation, especially at first. Observe to see how he interacts with them and vice versa. Ultimately, your choice of a new life partner should include the requirement that he get along well with your children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is vegetarian, and she keeps hounding me to try it out. She says my skin will get better, I will lose weight, I will be a friend to the earth -- the whole nine yards. While being vegetarian agrees with her, it isn't interesting to me. Plus, I have a ton of food allergies, and a lot of the stuff she eats makes me break out. How can I get her to stop nagging me about her food choices? I don't try to convince her to do what I'm doing. -- Her Choice Only, Dallas

DEAR HER CHOICE ONLY: Have you ever told your friend about your food allergies? That may be something that she can hear. An interesting thing that happens when people get into a new behavior or idea is that they go all in at first and want to bring everybody who's part of their world along for the ride.

Your friend is well-meaning, I'm sure. And she may even be eating certain foods that you would like that are also good for your body. So do your best not to ignore her completely. Let her know that you do not intend to become vegetarian but that you are interested in some of the foods that she is eating. Be willing to try out a dish or two, provided you review the list of ingredients in advance. A sliver of openness on your part may help your friend to relax her proselytizing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am scared. I went to a party with a bunch of my college buddies, and we all got crazy drunk. I ended up sleeping with one of the guys at the party. I am so embarrassed. I didn't know him at all. I don't even know his name. Now I'm freaked out. I can't believe how stupid I was. My friends and I haven't mentioned anything about the party or what we did. (A few of my friends ended up in bed with guys from the other school.) Should I just act like nothing happened? -- Scared Sober, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR SCARED SOBER: The smartest things you can do are to talk to your friends and to go to the doctor. Gather your friends and tell them that you think it would be good for you to discuss what happened and how to make sure it doesn't happen again. Engaging in reckless behavior as a group and then pretending it away makes the action even more reckless because it can easily be repeated. Agree that you will not make such a dangerous set of mistakes in the future.

By all means, go to the doctor and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. You may also want to get a pregnancy test, just to be sure of your status. Encourage your friends to do the same.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was new at my job -- some 20 years ago -- my boss made a pass at me. He went so far as to tell me that if I wanted to be successful, this was how to do it. I was so upset. I told another boss about it, but nothing happened. I watched him for years as he "secretly" had affairs with people at work, even though he had a wife. I no longer work there, but I just saw this man in a professional setting, and it all just came back to me. He was gross back then, but this time when I saw him he acted like we were old buddies. He even asked me to have lunch with him. Part of me wants to just so that I can tell him off. What do you think? -- Remembering the Past, New York City

DEAR REMEMBERING THE PAST: If you feel that you can be calm and collected as you tell this man how inappropriate his behavior was when you worked for him, by all means do it. Make sure that you meet in a public place. Tell him that the reason you decided to meet him is because you felt powerless years ago when he said those discriminatory words to you. Today you feel powerful and able to stand up for yourself.

Say to him, if you can, that you hope he has turned over a new leaf and is no longer preying on young women. Then, get up and leave. No need to continue the conversation. If he chooses to apologize with sincerity, accept it and keep moving.