DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in my early 40s, and I plan to remarry in the next five years. I think I would like for my future wife and me to live in separate residences. I am very particular about how I plan to live the rest of my life, and I do not want to change for anyone. Do you think any woman would consider that as an option? -- My Way or the Highway, Brooklyn, N.Y.
DEAR MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY: Your plan sounds more theoretical than actual. Is there a woman in your life now whom you want to marry? Also, what went wrong in your previous marriage?
I suggest that you do a personal inventory to determine what worked and what didn't work in your previous marriage. Assess the view looking forward: What do you want in a marriage, and what are you willing to compromise in order to make a marriage work? This doesn't mean that you can't find a woman who will marry you and live separately. Some people do that. But you need to get to the bottom of what you actually want and need. Why do you want to get married? What does marriage mean to you if it doesn't include living under one roof?
Do some soul searching. Make a list of what you want in a partner, and then look around to see if you can meet someone who fits your heart's description. Even if you do, trust that you will have to make some adjustments in order to welcome someone into your life.