DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin and I had been best friends since we were little girls. As we grew, our relationship became closer. She was my college roommate and my maid of honor. We lived close to each other and hung out on a regular basis. Five years ago, when I was 30, I was diagnosed with cancer. I spent two years undergoing chemotherapy and radiation that put me in and out of the hospital for months. During this low point in my life, my cousin disappeared: no calls, no emails, no texts, not even a visit while I was in the hospital -- nothing. I understood she just did not know how to deal with my illness, but her absence was the hardest part of my cancer experience.

I am now cancer-free, and she has had a child and gotten married. I gave my cousin a gift card, but I did not attend her baby shower. I was invited to her wedding, but did not attend. I cannot pretend like nothing happened. My family sees me as the one causing the rift because of my refusal to make nice with her. My sister tells me that my cousin really wants to know how I am. I miss my cousin terribly, but unless I hear a heartfelt apology from her, I do not see how a relationship can be possible. Am I right in thinking this way? -- Cancer-Free, Chicago

DEAR CANCER-FREE: Unfortunately, many people have a hard time dealing with illness -- either of themselves or of people they love. It is not uncommon for loved ones to retreat during these times, which can be extremely painful to those who are ailing. And it can be difficult to forgive.

Oddly, you probably are the only one who can fix this. It is likely that your cousin is so embarrassed or so distracted by her child -- or a combination of both -- that she is paralyzed and unable to act. Reach out to her. Tell her how much she hurt you and that it is hard for you to let go of that pain. Tell her you miss her and want to find a way back to each other. This may open the door to an honest conversation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 13 years old and in the seventh grade. He is freaking out because his voice is changing. I personally think it is funny to see my son go through puberty. He is concerned because he does not know what kind of voice he will have in the morning. For the past few days, his voice was as deep as Barry White, but there are days when he sounds like Kermit the Frog. How can I calm my son's nerves during this transition period in his life? -- Daddy Dearest, Salt Lake City

DEAR DADDY DEAREST: Navigating puberty can be challenging for the child and the parent, as it is fraught with ups and downs and plenty of changes. For a boy, the growing larynx prompts the changing voice and can cause him to feel extremely self-conscious. The good news that you can share with him is that the cracking, changing voice usually completes its transformation after a period of just a few months. Knowing that this aspect of puberty will end soon may help him to endure it better. For more information on a boy's voice changes, visit kidshealth.org/parent/general/body/changing_voice.html. For general information about puberty, read "It's Perfectly Normal," by Robie H. Harris.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my husband for more than a decade. We have a good, solid relationship, and we have a few friends who have stayed fairly close over the years. You can imagine my shock when I learned that one of my husband's oldest friends who has become my friend used to be his girlfriend. It came up one evening when we were at a party late and everybody'd had a few too many drinks. She became pretty touchy-feely with him, and then she started saying that he used to be hers way before he was mine. I didn't think much of it then, but the next morning, with a sober mind, I couldn't believe he never mentioned that he dated her. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I wonder if I'm the only one who didn't know, and, for that matter, what else I don't know. How can I bring this up to my husband? I'm not sure I want to hang out with this woman anymore. -- Duped, Flint, Mich.

DEAR DUPED: Don't mince words. Bring this finding to your husband. Remind him of what your friend said about the two of them, and ask him if it is true. Press him to find out what happened in their past. Ask who else knew about their relationship.

In the end, if their bond now is truly a platonic friendship, you will need to accept it for what it is. You may want to tell her that you did not appreciate her comments when you were last together. Tell her you appreciate her friendship but are not interested in dredging up old relationship memories.

You can also ask your husband to let you know if there are any other secrets he has neglected to share with you. Do reciprocate as it relates to any cobweb in your own closet!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have led a pretty interesting life and have wanted to write a book about it for a long time. I see these stories about people making books about their own lives and think, Why not? I should try it. I'm not officially a writer, but I have been doing a little bit of writing here and there for years. If I want to go about writing and publishing my autobiography, what should I do? -- Wannabe Author, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR WANNABE AUTHOR: You may want to start by taking a writing class. You may be able to find a class specifically on writing an autobiography or a memoir. This will help you to learn how to structure your story effectively and complete your project.

These days you can get a book published at a nominal cost by using services such as Amazon's CreateSpace, which allows you to have your book printed on demand. That means that you pay for the book to be printed only when someone has paid for it upfront. The amount of sales that you can garner through such a service depends largely on how well you promote your book and what kind of platform you have for getting the word out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have a wonderful marriage, and we are very happy together -- with the exception of one argument that we continually have. Shortly after my husband and I married two years ago, he was offered "the opportunity of a lifetime" to help set up a new division at his company's office in Dubai. The assignment was supposed to last 12 months, and we agreed that I would stay in the United State while he was away. I recently spoke to my husband, and he told me his company is pleased with the growth of the new division, and it would like him to stay an additional five years. I do not know if I can move to Dubai for such an extended period of time. I know he will eventually ask me to be with him, but I do not know what I will say. How should I address this issue? -- Home Alone, Nashville, Tenn.

DEAR HOME ALONE: You two obviously need to have a heart-to-heart discussion about this. Being long-distance for one year is very different from extending it to a six-year term. You may want to ask yourself a few questions before you talk. Start with what your aversion is to living in Dubai with him. Do you believe you could find work based on your skill set? What do you feel you will be leaving behind to be with him? Is there a way for the two of you to use the five years in Dubai to make yourselves even more appealing stateside on the back end?

It's understandable that you could feel betrayed because the terms are changing based on his time in Dubai, but this is now a fact in your marriage. Change happens, and you must decide together how to manage that change. If this opportunity seems wise for your family based on a discussion that you have with your husband, you should go -- with the understanding that you and your husband will decide your next steps together. If you absolutely do not want to move there, then you will need to figure out together how to maintain a commuter marriage -- not the easiest thing to do, but it is possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a hard time sleeping. I keep having dreams about my ex, and they are incredibly vivid. I loved him so much, and even though we have been separated for years, for some reason he is back in my heart again. The problem, of course, is that I have a boyfriend who is very kind to me, and I care for him deeply. I don't know if I should commit to him, though, considering that I can't get my ex out of my head. -- Insomniac, Denver

DEAR INSOMNIAC: You have to make peace with your past in order to live fully in the present. Take a moment to revisit why you and your ex ended your relationship. Were the reasons valid? Is there any reason to believe that you could rekindle your relationship? If so, you may want to revisit it.

If you want to make the choice to be with your current boyfriend, you must resolve your feelings for your ex. Be grateful for what you had and clear about where you stand today. Stop longing for him. Only after you let go of your heart connection will your sleep be more restful.