DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my husband for more than a decade. We have a good, solid relationship, and we have a few friends who have stayed fairly close over the years. You can imagine my shock when I learned that one of my husband's oldest friends who has become my friend used to be his girlfriend. It came up one evening when we were at a party late and everybody'd had a few too many drinks. She became pretty touchy-feely with him, and then she started saying that he used to be hers way before he was mine. I didn't think much of it then, but the next morning, with a sober mind, I couldn't believe he never mentioned that he dated her. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I wonder if I'm the only one who didn't know, and, for that matter, what else I don't know. How can I bring this up to my husband? I'm not sure I want to hang out with this woman anymore. -- Duped, Flint, Mich.

DEAR DUPED: Don't mince words. Bring this finding to your husband. Remind him of what your friend said about the two of them, and ask him if it is true. Press him to find out what happened in their past. Ask who else knew about their relationship.

In the end, if their bond now is truly a platonic friendship, you will need to accept it for what it is. You may want to tell her that you did not appreciate her comments when you were last together. Tell her you appreciate her friendship but are not interested in dredging up old relationship memories.

You can also ask your husband to let you know if there are any other secrets he has neglected to share with you. Do reciprocate as it relates to any cobweb in your own closet!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have led a pretty interesting life and have wanted to write a book about it for a long time. I see these stories about people making books about their own lives and think, Why not? I should try it. I'm not officially a writer, but I have been doing a little bit of writing here and there for years. If I want to go about writing and publishing my autobiography, what should I do? -- Wannabe Author, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR WANNABE AUTHOR: You may want to start by taking a writing class. You may be able to find a class specifically on writing an autobiography or a memoir. This will help you to learn how to structure your story effectively and complete your project.

These days you can get a book published at a nominal cost by using services such as Amazon's CreateSpace, which allows you to have your book printed on demand. That means that you pay for the book to be printed only when someone has paid for it upfront. The amount of sales that you can garner through such a service depends largely on how well you promote your book and what kind of platform you have for getting the word out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have a wonderful marriage, and we are very happy together -- with the exception of one argument that we continually have. Shortly after my husband and I married two years ago, he was offered "the opportunity of a lifetime" to help set up a new division at his company's office in Dubai. The assignment was supposed to last 12 months, and we agreed that I would stay in the United State while he was away. I recently spoke to my husband, and he told me his company is pleased with the growth of the new division, and it would like him to stay an additional five years. I do not know if I can move to Dubai for such an extended period of time. I know he will eventually ask me to be with him, but I do not know what I will say. How should I address this issue? -- Home Alone, Nashville, Tenn.

DEAR HOME ALONE: You two obviously need to have a heart-to-heart discussion about this. Being long-distance for one year is very different from extending it to a six-year term. You may want to ask yourself a few questions before you talk. Start with what your aversion is to living in Dubai with him. Do you believe you could find work based on your skill set? What do you feel you will be leaving behind to be with him? Is there a way for the two of you to use the five years in Dubai to make yourselves even more appealing stateside on the back end?

It's understandable that you could feel betrayed because the terms are changing based on his time in Dubai, but this is now a fact in your marriage. Change happens, and you must decide together how to manage that change. If this opportunity seems wise for your family based on a discussion that you have with your husband, you should go -- with the understanding that you and your husband will decide your next steps together. If you absolutely do not want to move there, then you will need to figure out together how to maintain a commuter marriage -- not the easiest thing to do, but it is possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a hard time sleeping. I keep having dreams about my ex, and they are incredibly vivid. I loved him so much, and even though we have been separated for years, for some reason he is back in my heart again. The problem, of course, is that I have a boyfriend who is very kind to me, and I care for him deeply. I don't know if I should commit to him, though, considering that I can't get my ex out of my head. -- Insomniac, Denver

DEAR INSOMNIAC: You have to make peace with your past in order to live fully in the present. Take a moment to revisit why you and your ex ended your relationship. Were the reasons valid? Is there any reason to believe that you could rekindle your relationship? If so, you may want to revisit it.

If you want to make the choice to be with your current boyfriend, you must resolve your feelings for your ex. Be grateful for what you had and clear about where you stand today. Stop longing for him. Only after you let go of your heart connection will your sleep be more restful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has a crush on a boy in her class who, so far, has paid no attention to her. I know about the crush because she has mentioned it to me a couple of times. I am so glad that we talk openly, but I do not know how to support her in this. Obviously, you cannot make somebody like you. And they are just 12 years old, so while it's a simple crush, her emotions seem pretty high right now. How can I help her to back off a bit from him and regain a sense of calm? She's an emotional mess because she is obsessing over him. -- Hot Girl, Racine, Wis.

DEAR HOT GIRL: One of those hard-to-learn lessons in life is about the cat-and-mouse dance of dating. If your daughter really likes this boy, she is going to have to learn that actively chasing him, trying to get his attention, is likely to push him away. As your daughter learns many things about puberty, she should also be learning how to handle herself when she likes someone. Teach her that it is fine to be friendly, but not pushy. If she is going overboard showering him with attention, it's time for her to refocus on her studies and her girlfriends. Being overly interested and smothering will definitely turn this boy off.

Your daughter also needs to learn that not every boy she likes will like her in the same way. Some people will just remain friends, if that, and that's OK. Also, people don't always become interested in each other at the same time. Their timing may be off, which is important to understand and accept. If he is not responding in a way that reflects her feelings for him, suggest that she fill her time with other activities so that she can relax a bit. You can help her by doing some of these activities with her or arranging things for her to do with her friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor from back home lost her father a few weeks ago. My mom called to let me know. I haven't talked to her in years, but even so, I feel like I want to contact her to express my condolences. Will it seem weird? We lost touch more than 20 years ago. When I come home to visit my family, I never see her or her family. Still, I remember her father and mother, and I think it would be kind of me to pay my respects. How do you recommend I do that without ruffling her feathers? -- Well-Intentioned, Detroit

DEAR WELL-INTENTIONED: Here's where a condolence card comes in handy. By all means, send a card with a handwritten note expressing your loving thoughts to your neighbor and her family during this sad time. Your note will be a perfect way to share your sympathies without being invasive. She surely will appreciate your remembering her at this delicate time.