DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has a crush on a boy in her class who, so far, has paid no attention to her. I know about the crush because she has mentioned it to me a couple of times. I am so glad that we talk openly, but I do not know how to support her in this. Obviously, you cannot make somebody like you. And they are just 12 years old, so while it's a simple crush, her emotions seem pretty high right now. How can I help her to back off a bit from him and regain a sense of calm? She's an emotional mess because she is obsessing over him. -- Hot Girl, Racine, Wis.

DEAR HOT GIRL: One of those hard-to-learn lessons in life is about the cat-and-mouse dance of dating. If your daughter really likes this boy, she is going to have to learn that actively chasing him, trying to get his attention, is likely to push him away. As your daughter learns many things about puberty, she should also be learning how to handle herself when she likes someone. Teach her that it is fine to be friendly, but not pushy. If she is going overboard showering him with attention, it's time for her to refocus on her studies and her girlfriends. Being overly interested and smothering will definitely turn this boy off.

Your daughter also needs to learn that not every boy she likes will like her in the same way. Some people will just remain friends, if that, and that's OK. Also, people don't always become interested in each other at the same time. Their timing may be off, which is important to understand and accept. If he is not responding in a way that reflects her feelings for him, suggest that she fill her time with other activities so that she can relax a bit. You can help her by doing some of these activities with her or arranging things for her to do with her friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor from back home lost her father a few weeks ago. My mom called to let me know. I haven't talked to her in years, but even so, I feel like I want to contact her to express my condolences. Will it seem weird? We lost touch more than 20 years ago. When I come home to visit my family, I never see her or her family. Still, I remember her father and mother, and I think it would be kind of me to pay my respects. How do you recommend I do that without ruffling her feathers? -- Well-Intentioned, Detroit

DEAR WELL-INTENTIONED: Here's where a condolence card comes in handy. By all means, send a card with a handwritten note expressing your loving thoughts to your neighbor and her family during this sad time. Your note will be a perfect way to share your sympathies without being invasive. She surely will appreciate your remembering her at this delicate time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new co-worker who is from another country where English is not the language, and she has a very heavy accent. I find that a lot of times I do not understand what she is saying. I feel bad asking her to repeat herself all the time, but I worry that if I don't, I may miss some important information that she is trying to tell me. How can I develop a working relationship with her where we communicate effectively? I don't want to be rude to her. -- Lost in Translation, Seattle

DEAR LOST IN TRANSLATION: I am sure that your co-worker knows that she has an accent and that sometimes people do not understand her. But she may not realize to what extent you do not understand her. Ask her to join you for a meeting, and be clear and direct with her. Tell her that sometimes you cannot understand her. Ask her if she would slow down when she is speaking to you to ensure that the two of you have accurate communication. Check in with her as well to see if she understands everything that you are saying. She may be having a similar challenge, especially given that English is not her first language. Pledge to work together to build effective communication. Chances are that she will appreciate your forthrightness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to move out of town and start all over again. I have had such a rough go of it since I moved to Detroit several years ago. I lost my job -- like a whole lot of other people, I know -- but I haven't been able to bounce back. My friend down south told me about some leads there, and I'm thinking, why not check them out? Do you think it's smart to just move, or should I try to secure work first? He told me I could stay with him for as long as a year while I get my bearings. Should I go for it? -- Ready to Go, Detroit

DEAR READY TO GO: I think it is wise to do some research before you move to see if there are jobs that match your skill set where you are headed. Ask your friend what he knows, but do independent research, as well.

Since he is offering you a lifeline and you don't have one where you live, it may be a blessing for you to take him up on his offer. Make the move with a clear plan for how you intend to build a life for yourself. Be sure to be conscientious while you are living in your friend's home. Be as neat as you can. Assume some of the household chores. Contribute whatever you can financially. And keep your word about the one-year timeline. This will help to preserve your friendship.

If you do not find a job in your area of expertise, branch out to other options. You may even want to take classes to learn a trade or skill that will help you to find employment. Use the local unemployment office for support. Don't give up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who has a huge list of food allergies. She doesn't complain about it, but I know because I have gone to lunch with her and listened to her ask a gazillion questions before she orders. I have even seen her bring her lunch into a restaurant and explain to them that she has to eat what she brought because she can't eat from their menu. It has gotten really intense at times. Anyhow, I am hosting a dinner party at my new apartment for a few friends, and I want to invite her, but I don't begin to know what to prepare for her to eat. I also don't want to have to tailor the meal to her specifications. I know that probably sounds bad, but I'm being honest. Would it be rude either to not invite her or to invite her to come later for drinks? I'm not sure how to handle this. -- Afraid of Allergies, Denver

DEAR AFRAID OF ALLERGIES: You have a few options. You can call your friend and tell her your predicament. You can even ask her if she would like to bring something that she can eat, as she has done previously in restaurants, to ensure that she is safe. You can also suggest that if she would feel more comfortable, she can come after the formal meal for drinks. The point is that you may want to include her in the conversation so that she knows you are thinking of her and wanting to include her. It is likely that this will not be the first time she has been in this situation.

You do have another option. Unless she would be the only friend in your friend group to be eliminated, you can choose not to invite this friend for this particular occasion. Not every friend has to come to every event.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I organized for my son to hang out with neighbors who have two children because I needed child care help on a day he had off from school. Just before this plan went into action, my son's best friend invited him to come play with him. I ended up shifting things around to let him play for half of the day with his best friend, and then I brought him to the other family for the second half of the day. I didn't want to cancel on the original plan because I figured the kids there were looking forward to seeing my son. Did I do the right thing? I don't want to teach my son that it is okay to renege on commitments. -- Making a Choice, Salt Lake City

DEAR MAKING A CHOICE: By dividing your son's time between the two families, you were able to come up with a solution that was probably satisfying to everyone. So, it worked out fine. What would not have worked would have been to cancel on the first appointment in order to do the second even though it was your son's preference. To ensure that he understands, you should talk to him about choice and explain why you made the decision that you did. Point out that completely canceling on the neighbors in order to be with the best friend would have been bad manners.