DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who has a huge list of food allergies. She doesn't complain about it, but I know because I have gone to lunch with her and listened to her ask a gazillion questions before she orders. I have even seen her bring her lunch into a restaurant and explain to them that she has to eat what she brought because she can't eat from their menu. It has gotten really intense at times. Anyhow, I am hosting a dinner party at my new apartment for a few friends, and I want to invite her, but I don't begin to know what to prepare for her to eat. I also don't want to have to tailor the meal to her specifications. I know that probably sounds bad, but I'm being honest. Would it be rude either to not invite her or to invite her to come later for drinks? I'm not sure how to handle this. -- Afraid of Allergies, Denver

DEAR AFRAID OF ALLERGIES: You have a few options. You can call your friend and tell her your predicament. You can even ask her if she would like to bring something that she can eat, as she has done previously in restaurants, to ensure that she is safe. You can also suggest that if she would feel more comfortable, she can come after the formal meal for drinks. The point is that you may want to include her in the conversation so that she knows you are thinking of her and wanting to include her. It is likely that this will not be the first time she has been in this situation.

You do have another option. Unless she would be the only friend in your friend group to be eliminated, you can choose not to invite this friend for this particular occasion. Not every friend has to come to every event.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I organized for my son to hang out with neighbors who have two children because I needed child care help on a day he had off from school. Just before this plan went into action, my son's best friend invited him to come play with him. I ended up shifting things around to let him play for half of the day with his best friend, and then I brought him to the other family for the second half of the day. I didn't want to cancel on the original plan because I figured the kids there were looking forward to seeing my son. Did I do the right thing? I don't want to teach my son that it is okay to renege on commitments. -- Making a Choice, Salt Lake City

DEAR MAKING A CHOICE: By dividing your son's time between the two families, you were able to come up with a solution that was probably satisfying to everyone. So, it worked out fine. What would not have worked would have been to cancel on the first appointment in order to do the second even though it was your son's preference. To ensure that he understands, you should talk to him about choice and explain why you made the decision that you did. Point out that completely canceling on the neighbors in order to be with the best friend would have been bad manners.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter just got her driver's license. She passed her test perfectly after practicing really hard. My husband and I are so proud of her. She has asked us to give her a car now. We live in the suburbs, and in order for her to get around, somebody has to drive her. We have been taking her everywhere for years. While it's a nice idea to give her a car, it is a luxury that we cannot currently afford, nor do we think it is the best idea so quickly. We do trust our daughter, but we feel a little skittish about having her drive all the time. More, though, we don't have the resources to buy her a car. She has a part-time job, but she does not make enough money to buy one herself. What do you recommend we do in this situation? -- Wanting Wheels, Dearborn, Mich.

DEAR WANTING WHEELS: Regarding your daughter's safety while driving, check your local laws, but generally teenagers have restrictions for when they are allowed to drive in their first years on the road. Typically, they are allowed to drive during daylight hours and often with a licensed driver in the car with them. These rules can help to reduce parents' worry about their safety.

As far as the car itself, let your daughter use your car when you can -- with strict guidelines on where she's going and when she is due back. This will give her the opportunity to drive sometimes and experience a bit of independence without breaking the bank.

You may also want to make a plan with her where you both save money until you have enough to buy a used car and pay for the insurance. Sharing in the goal of saving for the car will show your daughter how much you care as it also teaches her the discipline of having patience when you work toward a goal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been interviewing potential babysitters for my son. Now that he is in school, I need someone to be with him part time after school until I get home from work. I have met a lot of interesting people, some of whom I like a lot. But almost all of them have multiple tattoos. I admit that I am old-school, but I am not for tattoos at all, and I don't want my son to get confused about my position on this by having a caretaker who has them. Do you think I am overreacting or is it worth it to wait until I find a trustworthy sitter who is tattoo-free? -- No Tats, Please, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR NO TATS, PLEASE: Tattoos seem to be almost as plentiful as pierced ears these days, especially for young people, so it could prove difficult to find a babysitter who is devoid of them entirely. That said, it is most important for you to live based on your principles and teach your child accordingly. If you are vehemently opposed to tattoos, don't hire anyone who has them because it could be difficult for your child to understand what seems like conflicting thinking. You would not be able to share your views about tattoos openly around the tatted sitter without creating an incredibly awkward situation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my boyfriend for five years now, and if I'm honest with myself, I feel like we are going nowhere fast. He says he wants to get married. So far, it's all talk. He says he will help around the house. Instead, he sits on the sofa, drinks beer and watches sports. He does go to work and apparently does well, but he sits and does nothing once he walks through the door at home. How can I get him to be interested in doing stuff in our life together? I don't want a couch potato life with my man. I want to get married and do things together and make a beautiful home and have a great life. -- Ready to Build, Muskegon, Mich.

DEAR READY TO BUILD: I hear the wise women's wisdom, which you won't like, but there is value in it. When you live together before you have worked out what your commitment is, you often stay stuck in whatever you started. Have you and your guy ever talked about marriage? Have you discussed your dreams about what a life together looks like?

It's time for that conversation. Daydreaming with your guy about your future is important if you intend to build a life with him. First of all, he needs to know that you are excited about the future and how the two of you can make something special happen if you do it together. Be energetic and enthusiastic as you talk to him about what's next rather than bemoaning his lethargy around the house.

Your job now is to inspire him to think differently about the everyday. If you want to marry him, talk to him about it. Be upfront about your dreams about marriage, family and the future. Find out if he shares your views. Tell him you need him to work with you to develop your home and your life. His responses will let you know if you two are on the same page. If not, you will have to decide if you want to wait or clear the slate so that you make space for the life partner you deserve.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is addicted to political TV shows. From the moment he wakes up until who knows when, after I go to sleep at night, he is listening to these cable shows, talking to the TV set and filling the house with political arguments. I used to like this, because it showed that he was paying attention to what's going on in the news. Now I realize that it is way too much. There is never a neutral evening in our house if there is a volatile political topic in the news. Frankly, this is getting old. I am tired of hearing it. How can I get my husband to dial it back a little? -- Overloaded, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR OVERLOADED: Tell your husband that you appreciate his political enthusiasm, but that it is taking over your household. Ask him to agree to a few hours each day without any TV stimulation. Suggest that healthy family time includes talking to each other free of outside distractions. Plead with him to turn the TV off and turn his attention to you and your family. Just make sure that if and when he does that, you aren't distracted by your own TV shows or other activities.