DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my boyfriend for five years now, and if I'm honest with myself, I feel like we are going nowhere fast. He says he wants to get married. So far, it's all talk. He says he will help around the house. Instead, he sits on the sofa, drinks beer and watches sports. He does go to work and apparently does well, but he sits and does nothing once he walks through the door at home. How can I get him to be interested in doing stuff in our life together? I don't want a couch potato life with my man. I want to get married and do things together and make a beautiful home and have a great life. -- Ready to Build, Muskegon, Mich.

DEAR READY TO BUILD: I hear the wise women's wisdom, which you won't like, but there is value in it. When you live together before you have worked out what your commitment is, you often stay stuck in whatever you started. Have you and your guy ever talked about marriage? Have you discussed your dreams about what a life together looks like?

It's time for that conversation. Daydreaming with your guy about your future is important if you intend to build a life with him. First of all, he needs to know that you are excited about the future and how the two of you can make something special happen if you do it together. Be energetic and enthusiastic as you talk to him about what's next rather than bemoaning his lethargy around the house.

Your job now is to inspire him to think differently about the everyday. If you want to marry him, talk to him about it. Be upfront about your dreams about marriage, family and the future. Find out if he shares your views. Tell him you need him to work with you to develop your home and your life. His responses will let you know if you two are on the same page. If not, you will have to decide if you want to wait or clear the slate so that you make space for the life partner you deserve.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is addicted to political TV shows. From the moment he wakes up until who knows when, after I go to sleep at night, he is listening to these cable shows, talking to the TV set and filling the house with political arguments. I used to like this, because it showed that he was paying attention to what's going on in the news. Now I realize that it is way too much. There is never a neutral evening in our house if there is a volatile political topic in the news. Frankly, this is getting old. I am tired of hearing it. How can I get my husband to dial it back a little? -- Overloaded, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR OVERLOADED: Tell your husband that you appreciate his political enthusiasm, but that it is taking over your household. Ask him to agree to a few hours each day without any TV stimulation. Suggest that healthy family time includes talking to each other free of outside distractions. Plead with him to turn the TV off and turn his attention to you and your family. Just make sure that if and when he does that, you aren't distracted by your own TV shows or other activities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I've gotten caught up in a web of conversations between different friends where they are all talking about each other in one way or another. I fear that I am getting sucked into these little chats and finding that I am voicing unkind and sometimes mean-spirited comments, mainly because we are talking about these people all the time. I don't want to be party to this. How can I get my friends to stop this? Or should I just stop talking to them? -- All Talked Out, Ann Arbor, Mich.

DEAR ALL TALKED OUT: One of the best quotes I have ever read is from Eleanor Roosevelt, who said, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

You are wise to recognize that the conversations you have been having are not serving you or your friends. Rather than "divorcing" your friends straight away, talk to them. Tell them that you feel extremely uncomfortable about the path that your conversations have taken of late. Explain that you are friends with them in the first place because you value their thoughts and creativity. Point out that you feel you have been weighted down by gossiping and that you believe this is derailing all of you from the opportunity to really enjoy your time together. Tell them that you do not want to gossip anymore. Ask them to pledge alongside you that you will stop talking about people whenever you realize that you are doing it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend at work just told me that she saw my boyfriend out with another woman at dinner the other night and that they looked like they were not just friends. She said she saw them touching each other and kissing. I told her to stop lying to me, and she said she was certain that she saw the two of them. She has met him before, so she does know what he looks like.

I'm at a loss for what to do. There is no reason for me to think that he is cheating on me. We have a good relationship, but then this came up. Should I bring it up to him? I don't want to start a fuss, but I also don't want a cheating boyfriend. -- Uncheated, Gallup, N.M.

DEAR UNCHEATED: If you love your boyfriend and want to have an honest, committed relationship with him, talk to him. Tell your boyfriend what your friend said to you and ask him what's going on. Be straightforward and calm. Tell him you thought your relationship was exclusive and if he wants it to be otherwise, you would appreciate him telling you so that you can decide whether you want to live by changed rules. In this way, you bring the issue to the table without necessarily accusing him of anything. Instead, you are addressing the terms of engagement and asking him to be honest with you so that you can decide if you agree to the potentially newly designed terms.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter, who recently turned 21, sent me a two-word text message: "I'm pregnant." She has been dating a young man for less than a year, and I'm disappointed by this outcome. I do not know if I should lecture her on how she should live her life. I need some words of encouragement before I say something terrible about her pregnancy. Any suggestions? -- Incredulous, Bay City, Mich.

DEAR INCREDULOUS: I bet it took a lot of courage for your daughter to write you that two-word text. Chances are she is nervous, afraid, worried and possibly happy too. Rather than scold her, you need to talk to her, preferably in person. If you haven't already, start by responding to her text and asking her how she is doing.

The best thing you can do right now is to establish a clear line of communication with your daughter so that she feels at ease discussing with you how she is feeling, where her head is around this pregnancy and what the next steps are going to be. You can help her by being a sounding board for all that she is thinking and feeling. Ask her about her vision of her future and how a child can or cannot fit into it. Find out if the father intends to be an integral part of the family should she/they decide to keep the child. Talk about all options, from getting married and having the baby, not getting married and having the baby, being a single mom without his support, giving the baby up for adoption, to having an abortion. As difficult as these conversations may be, they are important so that your daughter can be crystal clear about her choices.

If she intends to keep the baby, talk about prenatal care, insurance, work, money, her future, the baby's future. Also, establish what you believe you will and will not do as it relates to caring for this child. Many grandmothers like you end up being the principal caregivers when their children have children young. Decide what you are willing to do, and make that clear up front.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother recently came to visit me at college and took my boyfriend and me out to dinner. After we finished eating, we sat across the table from my mother and had a post-dinner conversation. I put my arm around his neck and began playing with his ear. I did not think anything of it, but my mother stared from across the table shocked. After we dropped off my boyfriend, my mother told me that ear fondling is not appropriate in public. I was surprised because I didn't think it was a big deal. I like public displays of affection, and I do not see why that little gesture would make people around us uncomfortable. -- PDAs, Laredo, Tex.

DEAR PDAS: The person who was uncomfortable was your mother, likely because that "little gesture" suggests intimacy, something that may be difficult for your mother to accept is part of your life. Out of respect for your mother, refrain from touching your boyfriend in front of her. In general, read the room where you are and the people around you to determine what public displays of affection will be welcome and act accordingly.