DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I've gotten caught up in a web of conversations between different friends where they are all talking about each other in one way or another. I fear that I am getting sucked into these little chats and finding that I am voicing unkind and sometimes mean-spirited comments, mainly because we are talking about these people all the time. I don't want to be party to this. How can I get my friends to stop this? Or should I just stop talking to them? -- All Talked Out, Ann Arbor, Mich.

DEAR ALL TALKED OUT: One of the best quotes I have ever read is from Eleanor Roosevelt, who said, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

You are wise to recognize that the conversations you have been having are not serving you or your friends. Rather than "divorcing" your friends straight away, talk to them. Tell them that you feel extremely uncomfortable about the path that your conversations have taken of late. Explain that you are friends with them in the first place because you value their thoughts and creativity. Point out that you feel you have been weighted down by gossiping and that you believe this is derailing all of you from the opportunity to really enjoy your time together. Tell them that you do not want to gossip anymore. Ask them to pledge alongside you that you will stop talking about people whenever you realize that you are doing it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend at work just told me that she saw my boyfriend out with another woman at dinner the other night and that they looked like they were not just friends. She said she saw them touching each other and kissing. I told her to stop lying to me, and she said she was certain that she saw the two of them. She has met him before, so she does know what he looks like.

I'm at a loss for what to do. There is no reason for me to think that he is cheating on me. We have a good relationship, but then this came up. Should I bring it up to him? I don't want to start a fuss, but I also don't want a cheating boyfriend. -- Uncheated, Gallup, N.M.

DEAR UNCHEATED: If you love your boyfriend and want to have an honest, committed relationship with him, talk to him. Tell your boyfriend what your friend said to you and ask him what's going on. Be straightforward and calm. Tell him you thought your relationship was exclusive and if he wants it to be otherwise, you would appreciate him telling you so that you can decide whether you want to live by changed rules. In this way, you bring the issue to the table without necessarily accusing him of anything. Instead, you are addressing the terms of engagement and asking him to be honest with you so that you can decide if you agree to the potentially newly designed terms.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter, who recently turned 21, sent me a two-word text message: "I'm pregnant." She has been dating a young man for less than a year, and I'm disappointed by this outcome. I do not know if I should lecture her on how she should live her life. I need some words of encouragement before I say something terrible about her pregnancy. Any suggestions? -- Incredulous, Bay City, Mich.

DEAR INCREDULOUS: I bet it took a lot of courage for your daughter to write you that two-word text. Chances are she is nervous, afraid, worried and possibly happy too. Rather than scold her, you need to talk to her, preferably in person. If you haven't already, start by responding to her text and asking her how she is doing.

The best thing you can do right now is to establish a clear line of communication with your daughter so that she feels at ease discussing with you how she is feeling, where her head is around this pregnancy and what the next steps are going to be. You can help her by being a sounding board for all that she is thinking and feeling. Ask her about her vision of her future and how a child can or cannot fit into it. Find out if the father intends to be an integral part of the family should she/they decide to keep the child. Talk about all options, from getting married and having the baby, not getting married and having the baby, being a single mom without his support, giving the baby up for adoption, to having an abortion. As difficult as these conversations may be, they are important so that your daughter can be crystal clear about her choices.

If she intends to keep the baby, talk about prenatal care, insurance, work, money, her future, the baby's future. Also, establish what you believe you will and will not do as it relates to caring for this child. Many grandmothers like you end up being the principal caregivers when their children have children young. Decide what you are willing to do, and make that clear up front.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother recently came to visit me at college and took my boyfriend and me out to dinner. After we finished eating, we sat across the table from my mother and had a post-dinner conversation. I put my arm around his neck and began playing with his ear. I did not think anything of it, but my mother stared from across the table shocked. After we dropped off my boyfriend, my mother told me that ear fondling is not appropriate in public. I was surprised because I didn't think it was a big deal. I like public displays of affection, and I do not see why that little gesture would make people around us uncomfortable. -- PDAs, Laredo, Tex.

DEAR PDAS: The person who was uncomfortable was your mother, likely because that "little gesture" suggests intimacy, something that may be difficult for your mother to accept is part of your life. Out of respect for your mother, refrain from touching your boyfriend in front of her. In general, read the room where you are and the people around you to determine what public displays of affection will be welcome and act accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My school reunion is coming up. It's a big year for us, and I am nervous to go back. I used to go to reunions when I first graduated, but I haven't gone for about 15 years. I also used to be cute. I was tall and thin and had a great figure. I was one of the so-called "popular" girls, and I know I thought I was "all that." Fast forward to now, and I am divorced twice, seriously overweight and fairly broke. I lost my job about six months ago and haven't had steady work since. Talk about eating humble pie! I am definitely not on top of my game. People might not even recognize me if I went back. I feel like I shouldn't go since I'm not in the best place. But then I wonder if that's crazy. Maybe they would welcome me as I am. Chances are some of them are having their fair share of problems, too. I don't have time to lose weight or rewrite my story. Should I go anyway? -- Afraid of Reunion, Shreveport, La.

DEAR AFRAID OF REUNION: I can guarantee you that you are not the only one who is feeling skittish about attending your class reunion. While there will likely be some who are "sitting on top of the world," there will be plenty of others who are simply living their lives and doing the best they can -- facing ups and downs like everybody else. Whether good or bad, most Americans gain weight over time, so you will probably see quite a few people who are overweight.

My point is that you should go. Do your best to be in the moment. Do not judge yourself or others as you greet one another. Say your name as you see people, not so much because they may not recognize you, but because they may not remember your name. Be humble and kind. Choose to enjoy yourself. You may find that not being the most popular girl will allow you to notice people who could be great connections moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always give my children money when they go to hang out with other children for play dates. I tell them to offer to pay for their meals or whatever else costs money when they are out with these children and their families. And they always come home with all of their money. They say that the parents never accept it. My problem with this is if I take a few friends with my kids to hang out, I can't afford to pay for all of them. I need them to help pay for it, but now I don't know how to bring it up. How can I entertain these kids without going broke? -- Play Date, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR PLAY DATE: Plan activities that you can afford. This can include at-home fun, or going to the park with a lunch that you pack for them. You can also tell parents in advance if you are planning a special event that has a cost, and be honest: Tell them that you need them to pitch in for a particular amount.