DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter, who recently turned 21, sent me a two-word text message: "I'm pregnant." She has been dating a young man for less than a year, and I'm disappointed by this outcome. I do not know if I should lecture her on how she should live her life. I need some words of encouragement before I say something terrible about her pregnancy. Any suggestions? -- Incredulous, Bay City, Mich.

DEAR INCREDULOUS: I bet it took a lot of courage for your daughter to write you that two-word text. Chances are she is nervous, afraid, worried and possibly happy too. Rather than scold her, you need to talk to her, preferably in person. If you haven't already, start by responding to her text and asking her how she is doing.

The best thing you can do right now is to establish a clear line of communication with your daughter so that she feels at ease discussing with you how she is feeling, where her head is around this pregnancy and what the next steps are going to be. You can help her by being a sounding board for all that she is thinking and feeling. Ask her about her vision of her future and how a child can or cannot fit into it. Find out if the father intends to be an integral part of the family should she/they decide to keep the child. Talk about all options, from getting married and having the baby, not getting married and having the baby, being a single mom without his support, giving the baby up for adoption, to having an abortion. As difficult as these conversations may be, they are important so that your daughter can be crystal clear about her choices.

If she intends to keep the baby, talk about prenatal care, insurance, work, money, her future, the baby's future. Also, establish what you believe you will and will not do as it relates to caring for this child. Many grandmothers like you end up being the principal caregivers when their children have children young. Decide what you are willing to do, and make that clear up front.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother recently came to visit me at college and took my boyfriend and me out to dinner. After we finished eating, we sat across the table from my mother and had a post-dinner conversation. I put my arm around his neck and began playing with his ear. I did not think anything of it, but my mother stared from across the table shocked. After we dropped off my boyfriend, my mother told me that ear fondling is not appropriate in public. I was surprised because I didn't think it was a big deal. I like public displays of affection, and I do not see why that little gesture would make people around us uncomfortable. -- PDAs, Laredo, Tex.

DEAR PDAS: The person who was uncomfortable was your mother, likely because that "little gesture" suggests intimacy, something that may be difficult for your mother to accept is part of your life. Out of respect for your mother, refrain from touching your boyfriend in front of her. In general, read the room where you are and the people around you to determine what public displays of affection will be welcome and act accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My school reunion is coming up. It's a big year for us, and I am nervous to go back. I used to go to reunions when I first graduated, but I haven't gone for about 15 years. I also used to be cute. I was tall and thin and had a great figure. I was one of the so-called "popular" girls, and I know I thought I was "all that." Fast forward to now, and I am divorced twice, seriously overweight and fairly broke. I lost my job about six months ago and haven't had steady work since. Talk about eating humble pie! I am definitely not on top of my game. People might not even recognize me if I went back. I feel like I shouldn't go since I'm not in the best place. But then I wonder if that's crazy. Maybe they would welcome me as I am. Chances are some of them are having their fair share of problems, too. I don't have time to lose weight or rewrite my story. Should I go anyway? -- Afraid of Reunion, Shreveport, La.

DEAR AFRAID OF REUNION: I can guarantee you that you are not the only one who is feeling skittish about attending your class reunion. While there will likely be some who are "sitting on top of the world," there will be plenty of others who are simply living their lives and doing the best they can -- facing ups and downs like everybody else. Whether good or bad, most Americans gain weight over time, so you will probably see quite a few people who are overweight.

My point is that you should go. Do your best to be in the moment. Do not judge yourself or others as you greet one another. Say your name as you see people, not so much because they may not recognize you, but because they may not remember your name. Be humble and kind. Choose to enjoy yourself. You may find that not being the most popular girl will allow you to notice people who could be great connections moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always give my children money when they go to hang out with other children for play dates. I tell them to offer to pay for their meals or whatever else costs money when they are out with these children and their families. And they always come home with all of their money. They say that the parents never accept it. My problem with this is if I take a few friends with my kids to hang out, I can't afford to pay for all of them. I need them to help pay for it, but now I don't know how to bring it up. How can I entertain these kids without going broke? -- Play Date, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR PLAY DATE: Plan activities that you can afford. This can include at-home fun, or going to the park with a lunch that you pack for them. You can also tell parents in advance if you are planning a special event that has a cost, and be honest: Tell them that you need them to pitch in for a particular amount.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 17-year-old daughter goes to a private school, and she gets invited to parties in the suburbs all the time. My daughter has a friend who attends a public high school. They have known each other since kindergarten, and they spend a lot of time together at our house. My daughter would like her friend to attend the parties as her guest; however, she does not want her friend to feel uncomfortable in an unfamiliar environment. How can we ensure she will have a good time outside of her comfort zone? -- Trying to be a Good Friend, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR TRYING TO BE A GOOD FRIEND: Your daughter's intentions are great, in that she wants to include her longtime friend in her current activities. There may be times that her friend will enjoy these get-togethers. But you have to know that it isn't guaranteed.

Because your daughter goes to school with these children, she has an automatic bridge to comfort with them that her friend does not. This would be true regardless of any socioeconomic or neighborhood differences. Add those elements, and there certainly could be some awkwardness at first. To make your daughter's friend feel as comfortable as possible, your daughter should stay by her side if she does get her to attend a party. She should introduce her friend to people who are likely to be good listeners and who would welcome her. If she feels welcomed, it will be easier for her to relax. But it is also important to accept that this friend may not become part of your daughter's school friend group. That could be OK, too. Over time, your daughter will likely grow to have many different groups of friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife has a compassionate heart, and she gives her money away to anyone who needs it. I think people take advantage of my wife. How can I make her more conscious about who she gives money to without missing the opportunity to help others? -- Cup Is Getting Empty, Dearborn, Mich.

DEAR CUP IS GETTING EMPTY: Do you have a family budget? If so, add charity to it. If not, create a budget that includes all of your household expenditures, and be sure to include a column for charitable giving. Decide together how much money you and your wife will offer to those in need. With a finite number in mind, introduce a conversation about choice. Where can you best offer your money? This is an important question given that there are endless individuals and causes that need support.

Since your wife's nature is to give, help her to think more strategically about where to put her money. If she plans out how she will allocate those funds, it will help her to be more mindful of who will get her money rather than her just giving it to whomever she sees along her path. It actually is an empowering activity that she may grow to love.