life

New Curriculum Requires New Vocabulary

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 23rd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: In my son's fourth grade class, they are studying what is now called "human growth and development." That's what we used to call sex education back in the day. Sort of. This week, the 9- and 10-year-old students learned about what it means to be transgender. My son came home with information on this topic that really threw me. I am no prude or anything, but I was surprised. To tell the truth, I never learned about this stuff. I don't want to come off wrong. I really don't have anything against how people are, but I didn't know what to say to my son about this topic. I said nothing. Then I asked him to tell me what he had learned, and it was awkward. How can I talk to my kid about these topics that once were either taboo or that we didn't really know anything about? -- Searching for the Words, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR SEARCHING FOR THE WORDS: I believe that the new curriculum that is being offered in some schools across the country that teaches all about sexuality, including the basics of puberty all the way up to gender identity, is very progressive and healthy. For children to learn about how they develop and how they may differ in the way that they express their gender before it becomes uncomfortable or a challenge can be empowering. For parents, just as you must do with mathematics or science, you have to do your homework as well.

The American Psychological Association describes a person who is transgender this way: "Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Gender identity refers to a person's internal sense of being male, female or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice or body characteristics. 'Trans' is sometimes used as shorthand for 'transgender.' While transgender is generally a good term to use, not everyone whose appearance or behavior is gender-nonconforming will identify as a transgender person. The ways that transgender people are talked about in popular culture, academia and science are constantly changing, particularly as individuals' awareness, knowledge and openness about transgender people and their experiences grow."

To learn more on this topic, go to apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.aspx. I would also stay in close communication with your son's teacher to learn what your son talks about in class and how the curriculum is unfolding for all of the students.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 23, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 23rd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am addicted to TV. I watch all kinds of shows. It has gotten so bad that I have stayed home from work a few times in the past couple of weeks because I didn't want to miss "my show." This is sick, I know, but I can't help it. I don't want to get fired. What should I do? -- TV Tied, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR TV TIED: First, you have to agree with yourself that you do want a rounded life that includes gainful employment and social interaction. Next, set your alarm for when you have to get ready for work and immediately turn off the TV when it sounds. Give yourself specific times when you can watch and do your best to honor that. Ask friends to socialize with you away from the TV so you can remember a different kind of fun. If none of that works, get rid of your TV. You can do it!

life

Reader Shocked at Mom's Medications

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 22nd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to visit my mother a week ago, and I was shocked to see how much medication she is taking. I know she has some ailments, but I definitely think she is being overmedicated. I bet she had about 15 pills in her daily pill case. I watched her counting them all out and putting them in a weekly container. She seemed organized about it, but I can't imagine that this is good for her body. I asked her about all the pills, and she got defensive. I wasn't trying to upset her, but I am concerned. Do you think I should call her doctor to review her medicines? I live several hours away, so I am not there to monitor or support her, and no other family is, either. How can I help? -- Advocating From a Distance, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR ADVOCATING FROM A DISTANCE: First, you should know that many people, particularly older ones, do take a lot of medication. It is fairly common, depending upon what their ailments might be. That does not mean that you should take your mother's medications lightly. It is wise for you to check in with her and with her doctor regularly to ensure that she is being properly medicated and monitored.

The best-case scenario would be for you to accompany your mother on her next doctor's appointment. Ask her if you can go with her, and schedule yourself so that you can be in town that day. Ask the doctor all of the questions that you have. You may want to write them down in advance so that you don't forget anything. Also, ask if you can stay in touch to help support your mother's progress. Once you have established a rapport with the doctor and it is clear that you are her advocate, you will have a better chance of having the doctor respond to your inquiries.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 22, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 22nd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend of three years, who has been chubby most of his life, has a nasty attitude toward overweight women. He makes rude comments when they are out of hearing range. I have spoken to him about his comments on numerous occasions, but he does not listen to me. I am 5-feet-8-inches tall, and I weigh 150 pounds. His behavior concerns me, because we went to dinner last night and I got excited when I saw the "half-pound cookie" on the menu. My boyfriend said under his breath, "That is the last thing you need." He hurt my feelings, and I do not know if I can stay in a relationship with someone who is so negative. This behavior has been going on for some time now, and I wonder if I should I hang on or move on. -- Uneasy and Undecided, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR UNEASY AND UNDECIDED: Often, people's negative comments reflect how they feel about themselves. Ask your boyfriend if people have teased him about his weight and how he felt about it. Tell him that it hurts your feelings and bothers you that he makes rude comments about your weight.

You may be able to help him see the folly of his ways. But if he refuses to stop the derogatory comments, you may want to end your relationship. You deserve to be with someone who treats you and others with respect.

life

High Blood Pressure Means Reader Must Change Habits

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 21st, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure, and my doctor told me to stay away from salty foods. I have been doing that. I haven't told any of my friends or co-workers because I want to deal with my health challenges in my own way. I don't think it should be any of their business, quite frankly, but that's where I'm having some difficulty. I go out to eat with my co-workers several days a week. It's a nice ritual that we have developed over the years, except that where we usually eat has really salty food. It's actually very difficult to find anything particularly healthy on the menu. I don't know how I can change my eating habits and keep going to these greasy holes with them, but I don't want to tell them about my condition. I guess in part I'm a little embarrassed. Whatever. I want to keep my privacy, keep my friends and improve my health. What can I do? -- Blood Boiling, Detroit

DEAR BLOOD BOILING: Your doctor likely also told you that in order to improve your health significantly, you will have to change your habits. You already know that you cannot continue to eat out at the same places several days a week and consume unhealthy food if you want to lower your blood pressure. You have to eat differently.

Until you feel comfortable, you do not have to tell your co-workers about your health condition, but you can tell them that you have decided to get healthier. Tell them that you have made a pledge to yourself and that it includes eating better. Ask if anyone is interested in doing this, too. Suggest alternative places to eat out together. Change your pattern entirely by preparing your lunch and bringing it from home. This will enable you to control exactly what goes into your body.

You may not be able to dine with your friends as frequently, which doesn't mean you are forsaking them. It means you are choosing you.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 21, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 21st, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received a very last-minute invitation to attend a lovely event, and I am torn about whether I should go. On the one hand, it sounds like it will be great. On the other, I have been affiliated with this organization for a long time, and clearly it was an oversight for them not to have invited me in the first place. I feel a little hurt about that. I kind of feel like I want to tell them that I don't appreciate being invited last-minute, but I know that these things can happen without any malice. What should I do? -- Last-Minute Guest, Racine, Wis.

DEAR LAST-MINUTE GUEST: Rather than taking it personally that you got such a late invite, why not consider it to be delightful that you were remembered before it was too late for the hosts to extend you an invitation? Assume the positive and go. Wear your brightest smile, connect with people in the room and be sure to thank the hosts for including you. If they apologize for their tardiness, accept the apology and add that you are delighted to be there.

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for May 20, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 19, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 18, 2022
  • Father Not Certain How to Reconnect with Daughter from First Marriage
  • Recession Worries Makes LW Fearful of Starting a Family
  • LW Worried Sister's Sharp, Stubborn Personality Will Ruin a Good Thing
  • Aiding Animal Refugees
  • Contented Cats
  • Pale Gums: What They Mean
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal