DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to visit my mother a week ago, and I was shocked to see how much medication she is taking. I know she has some ailments, but I definitely think she is being overmedicated. I bet she had about 15 pills in her daily pill case. I watched her counting them all out and putting them in a weekly container. She seemed organized about it, but I can't imagine that this is good for her body. I asked her about all the pills, and she got defensive. I wasn't trying to upset her, but I am concerned. Do you think I should call her doctor to review her medicines? I live several hours away, so I am not there to monitor or support her, and no other family is, either. How can I help? -- Advocating From a Distance, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR ADVOCATING FROM A DISTANCE: First, you should know that many people, particularly older ones, do take a lot of medication. It is fairly common, depending upon what their ailments might be. That does not mean that you should take your mother's medications lightly. It is wise for you to check in with her and with her doctor regularly to ensure that she is being properly medicated and monitored.

The best-case scenario would be for you to accompany your mother on her next doctor's appointment. Ask her if you can go with her, and schedule yourself so that you can be in town that day. Ask the doctor all of the questions that you have. You may want to write them down in advance so that you don't forget anything. Also, ask if you can stay in touch to help support your mother's progress. Once you have established a rapport with the doctor and it is clear that you are her advocate, you will have a better chance of having the doctor respond to your inquiries.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend of three years, who has been chubby most of his life, has a nasty attitude toward overweight women. He makes rude comments when they are out of hearing range. I have spoken to him about his comments on numerous occasions, but he does not listen to me. I am 5-feet-8-inches tall, and I weigh 150 pounds. His behavior concerns me, because we went to dinner last night and I got excited when I saw the "half-pound cookie" on the menu. My boyfriend said under his breath, "That is the last thing you need." He hurt my feelings, and I do not know if I can stay in a relationship with someone who is so negative. This behavior has been going on for some time now, and I wonder if I should I hang on or move on. -- Uneasy and Undecided, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR UNEASY AND UNDECIDED: Often, people's negative comments reflect how they feel about themselves. Ask your boyfriend if people have teased him about his weight and how he felt about it. Tell him that it hurts your feelings and bothers you that he makes rude comments about your weight.

You may be able to help him see the folly of his ways. But if he refuses to stop the derogatory comments, you may want to end your relationship. You deserve to be with someone who treats you and others with respect.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure, and my doctor told me to stay away from salty foods. I have been doing that. I haven't told any of my friends or co-workers because I want to deal with my health challenges in my own way. I don't think it should be any of their business, quite frankly, but that's where I'm having some difficulty. I go out to eat with my co-workers several days a week. It's a nice ritual that we have developed over the years, except that where we usually eat has really salty food. It's actually very difficult to find anything particularly healthy on the menu. I don't know how I can change my eating habits and keep going to these greasy holes with them, but I don't want to tell them about my condition. I guess in part I'm a little embarrassed. Whatever. I want to keep my privacy, keep my friends and improve my health. What can I do? -- Blood Boiling, Detroit

DEAR BLOOD BOILING: Your doctor likely also told you that in order to improve your health significantly, you will have to change your habits. You already know that you cannot continue to eat out at the same places several days a week and consume unhealthy food if you want to lower your blood pressure. You have to eat differently.

Until you feel comfortable, you do not have to tell your co-workers about your health condition, but you can tell them that you have decided to get healthier. Tell them that you have made a pledge to yourself and that it includes eating better. Ask if anyone is interested in doing this, too. Suggest alternative places to eat out together. Change your pattern entirely by preparing your lunch and bringing it from home. This will enable you to control exactly what goes into your body.

You may not be able to dine with your friends as frequently, which doesn't mean you are forsaking them. It means you are choosing you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received a very last-minute invitation to attend a lovely event, and I am torn about whether I should go. On the one hand, it sounds like it will be great. On the other, I have been affiliated with this organization for a long time, and clearly it was an oversight for them not to have invited me in the first place. I feel a little hurt about that. I kind of feel like I want to tell them that I don't appreciate being invited last-minute, but I know that these things can happen without any malice. What should I do? -- Last-Minute Guest, Racine, Wis.

DEAR LAST-MINUTE GUEST: Rather than taking it personally that you got such a late invite, why not consider it to be delightful that you were remembered before it was too late for the hosts to extend you an invitation? Assume the positive and go. Wear your brightest smile, connect with people in the room and be sure to thank the hosts for including you. If they apologize for their tardiness, accept the apology and add that you are delighted to be there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor's husband passed away last year, and everyone has been pitching in and trying to help her out. Recently we noticed that she has had a gentleman caller coming to visit her with some regularity. Some of the neighbors in the building have noticed and got pretty upset about it, since her husband hasn't been dead that long. They have taken to talking about her, which is really mean-spirited in my book. She deserves a second chance. Plus, who are we to even know what her life is like? I see her smiling, and she was so sad for so long. Her husband died of cancer, and it was a very sad experience. I want these people to leave her alone. Whenever I say that, they tell me to mind my own business. Well, that's what I think they should be doing. How can I defend my neighbor? -- Shut Your Mouth, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR SHUT YOUR MOUTH: The best thing you can do in this situation is to stay out of it entirely. Don't participate in the gossip about your neighbor and her suitor. If you are friendly with the woman in question, remain friendly with her. Do not tell her that the others are talking about her. That will only hurt her feelings and make her uncomfortable. She deserves to have a chance at happiness. Being a good neighbor in this case means being supportive of her and unwilling to participate in judgment about her or anybody else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is a big fan of going to the movies. She would like me to go with her more often, and therein lies the problem. I am not a big fan of going to the cinema. I know it would put a smile on my wife's face if I become more active in what she likes. How do I put on the "happy face" and try to have a good time when I go to the movies? -- Slow Motion Picture, Dallas

DEAR SLOW MOTION PICTURE: Rather than making a blanket statement that you do not like going to the movies, do a little more investigating. What types of films interest you? There must be a subject or two that strike your fancy. Suggest that you go to the movies when that type of film comes to town. You can also offer to go with her once or twice a month given that she tends to go more frequently than that.

What do you like to do that may not be of interest to her? Maybe you two can come to an agreement where you choose to do what she likes sometimes and she agrees to do the same for you. The art of compromise is important in marriage. It's natural that you and your spouse don't see eye to eye on everything, but doing what the other loves sometimes is thoughtful.

It's also perfectly fine for you to invite friends to join you during activities that you don't prefer to do. You can agree to give each other permission to have fun without the other as well.