DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure, and my doctor told me to stay away from salty foods. I have been doing that. I haven't told any of my friends or co-workers because I want to deal with my health challenges in my own way. I don't think it should be any of their business, quite frankly, but that's where I'm having some difficulty. I go out to eat with my co-workers several days a week. It's a nice ritual that we have developed over the years, except that where we usually eat has really salty food. It's actually very difficult to find anything particularly healthy on the menu. I don't know how I can change my eating habits and keep going to these greasy holes with them, but I don't want to tell them about my condition. I guess in part I'm a little embarrassed. Whatever. I want to keep my privacy, keep my friends and improve my health. What can I do? -- Blood Boiling, Detroit

DEAR BLOOD BOILING: Your doctor likely also told you that in order to improve your health significantly, you will have to change your habits. You already know that you cannot continue to eat out at the same places several days a week and consume unhealthy food if you want to lower your blood pressure. You have to eat differently.

Until you feel comfortable, you do not have to tell your co-workers about your health condition, but you can tell them that you have decided to get healthier. Tell them that you have made a pledge to yourself and that it includes eating better. Ask if anyone is interested in doing this, too. Suggest alternative places to eat out together. Change your pattern entirely by preparing your lunch and bringing it from home. This will enable you to control exactly what goes into your body.

You may not be able to dine with your friends as frequently, which doesn't mean you are forsaking them. It means you are choosing you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received a very last-minute invitation to attend a lovely event, and I am torn about whether I should go. On the one hand, it sounds like it will be great. On the other, I have been affiliated with this organization for a long time, and clearly it was an oversight for them not to have invited me in the first place. I feel a little hurt about that. I kind of feel like I want to tell them that I don't appreciate being invited last-minute, but I know that these things can happen without any malice. What should I do? -- Last-Minute Guest, Racine, Wis.

DEAR LAST-MINUTE GUEST: Rather than taking it personally that you got such a late invite, why not consider it to be delightful that you were remembered before it was too late for the hosts to extend you an invitation? Assume the positive and go. Wear your brightest smile, connect with people in the room and be sure to thank the hosts for including you. If they apologize for their tardiness, accept the apology and add that you are delighted to be there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor's husband passed away last year, and everyone has been pitching in and trying to help her out. Recently we noticed that she has had a gentleman caller coming to visit her with some regularity. Some of the neighbors in the building have noticed and got pretty upset about it, since her husband hasn't been dead that long. They have taken to talking about her, which is really mean-spirited in my book. She deserves a second chance. Plus, who are we to even know what her life is like? I see her smiling, and she was so sad for so long. Her husband died of cancer, and it was a very sad experience. I want these people to leave her alone. Whenever I say that, they tell me to mind my own business. Well, that's what I think they should be doing. How can I defend my neighbor? -- Shut Your Mouth, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR SHUT YOUR MOUTH: The best thing you can do in this situation is to stay out of it entirely. Don't participate in the gossip about your neighbor and her suitor. If you are friendly with the woman in question, remain friendly with her. Do not tell her that the others are talking about her. That will only hurt her feelings and make her uncomfortable. She deserves to have a chance at happiness. Being a good neighbor in this case means being supportive of her and unwilling to participate in judgment about her or anybody else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is a big fan of going to the movies. She would like me to go with her more often, and therein lies the problem. I am not a big fan of going to the cinema. I know it would put a smile on my wife's face if I become more active in what she likes. How do I put on the "happy face" and try to have a good time when I go to the movies? -- Slow Motion Picture, Dallas

DEAR SLOW MOTION PICTURE: Rather than making a blanket statement that you do not like going to the movies, do a little more investigating. What types of films interest you? There must be a subject or two that strike your fancy. Suggest that you go to the movies when that type of film comes to town. You can also offer to go with her once or twice a month given that she tends to go more frequently than that.

What do you like to do that may not be of interest to her? Maybe you two can come to an agreement where you choose to do what she likes sometimes and she agrees to do the same for you. The art of compromise is important in marriage. It's natural that you and your spouse don't see eye to eye on everything, but doing what the other loves sometimes is thoughtful.

It's also perfectly fine for you to invite friends to join you during activities that you don't prefer to do. You can agree to give each other permission to have fun without the other as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter works in a shopping mall that recently had a shooting. We were so lucky that she was not at work on that day, but now my husband and I are wondering if we should even allow her to work at the mall anymore. We know we cannot protect her from everything, but this was a close call. It's one thing to see these things on the news and another altogether to have your own child working at a place where innocent people were shot. She is our baby, even though she's already 20. How can we balance our desire to protect her and the reality that she has to learn to take care of herself? -- Overprotective, Baltimore

DEAR OVERPROTECTIVE: You would not be aware parents if the tragedy at your daughter's work site didn't rattle you. Everyone in the mall or affiliated with it should be a bit skittish right now.

That said, I don't think you should take her out of the mall either. Instead, start by requesting a meeting with the mall management or security to find out what additional precautions have been put in place to attempt to avoid such a catastrophe in the future. Make sure your daughter has learned what the safety procedures are in case of emergency at her job and in the mall in general.

Remind your daughter to keep her eyes open at all times and to be aware of anyone who may seem unstable. This should be part of the training for anyone in a service role in a public setting these days. If it is not, request that it be offered.

In the end, though, you already know that the world does have some people in it who do bad things. Unfortunately, innocent people sometimes get caught in the crosshairs. You do not have the ability to protect your child from everything, but you can teach her to be cautious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has been seemingly depressed for several years now. She lost her job about five years ago, and then her husband passed away two years later. Mostly she stays to herself. I talk to her on the phone, but I hardly ever see her. When I ask her to go out with me, she always comes up with an excuse. I am so worried about her, but I don't know what to do. She is such a lovely person. I want her to be happy. How can I help her? -- Missing My Friend, Detroit

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: Call your friend and check in to see how she is doing. Tell her that you are concerned about her and that you really want her to be happy. Ask her if she feels happy. Ask her what she does when she is feeling sad. Listen carefully to see if you can get a clue as to how she is really doing. Tell her you love her and want to do whatever you can to support her. Keep asking her to meet you -- for lunch, for a walk, for a hug.