DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor's husband passed away last year, and everyone has been pitching in and trying to help her out. Recently we noticed that she has had a gentleman caller coming to visit her with some regularity. Some of the neighbors in the building have noticed and got pretty upset about it, since her husband hasn't been dead that long. They have taken to talking about her, which is really mean-spirited in my book. She deserves a second chance. Plus, who are we to even know what her life is like? I see her smiling, and she was so sad for so long. Her husband died of cancer, and it was a very sad experience. I want these people to leave her alone. Whenever I say that, they tell me to mind my own business. Well, that's what I think they should be doing. How can I defend my neighbor? -- Shut Your Mouth, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR SHUT YOUR MOUTH: The best thing you can do in this situation is to stay out of it entirely. Don't participate in the gossip about your neighbor and her suitor. If you are friendly with the woman in question, remain friendly with her. Do not tell her that the others are talking about her. That will only hurt her feelings and make her uncomfortable. She deserves to have a chance at happiness. Being a good neighbor in this case means being supportive of her and unwilling to participate in judgment about her or anybody else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is a big fan of going to the movies. She would like me to go with her more often, and therein lies the problem. I am not a big fan of going to the cinema. I know it would put a smile on my wife's face if I become more active in what she likes. How do I put on the "happy face" and try to have a good time when I go to the movies? -- Slow Motion Picture, Dallas

DEAR SLOW MOTION PICTURE: Rather than making a blanket statement that you do not like going to the movies, do a little more investigating. What types of films interest you? There must be a subject or two that strike your fancy. Suggest that you go to the movies when that type of film comes to town. You can also offer to go with her once or twice a month given that she tends to go more frequently than that.

What do you like to do that may not be of interest to her? Maybe you two can come to an agreement where you choose to do what she likes sometimes and she agrees to do the same for you. The art of compromise is important in marriage. It's natural that you and your spouse don't see eye to eye on everything, but doing what the other loves sometimes is thoughtful.

It's also perfectly fine for you to invite friends to join you during activities that you don't prefer to do. You can agree to give each other permission to have fun without the other as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter works in a shopping mall that recently had a shooting. We were so lucky that she was not at work on that day, but now my husband and I are wondering if we should even allow her to work at the mall anymore. We know we cannot protect her from everything, but this was a close call. It's one thing to see these things on the news and another altogether to have your own child working at a place where innocent people were shot. She is our baby, even though she's already 20. How can we balance our desire to protect her and the reality that she has to learn to take care of herself? -- Overprotective, Baltimore

DEAR OVERPROTECTIVE: You would not be aware parents if the tragedy at your daughter's work site didn't rattle you. Everyone in the mall or affiliated with it should be a bit skittish right now.

That said, I don't think you should take her out of the mall either. Instead, start by requesting a meeting with the mall management or security to find out what additional precautions have been put in place to attempt to avoid such a catastrophe in the future. Make sure your daughter has learned what the safety procedures are in case of emergency at her job and in the mall in general.

Remind your daughter to keep her eyes open at all times and to be aware of anyone who may seem unstable. This should be part of the training for anyone in a service role in a public setting these days. If it is not, request that it be offered.

In the end, though, you already know that the world does have some people in it who do bad things. Unfortunately, innocent people sometimes get caught in the crosshairs. You do not have the ability to protect your child from everything, but you can teach her to be cautious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has been seemingly depressed for several years now. She lost her job about five years ago, and then her husband passed away two years later. Mostly she stays to herself. I talk to her on the phone, but I hardly ever see her. When I ask her to go out with me, she always comes up with an excuse. I am so worried about her, but I don't know what to do. She is such a lovely person. I want her to be happy. How can I help her? -- Missing My Friend, Detroit

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: Call your friend and check in to see how she is doing. Tell her that you are concerned about her and that you really want her to be happy. Ask her if she feels happy. Ask her what she does when she is feeling sad. Listen carefully to see if you can get a clue as to how she is really doing. Tell her you love her and want to do whatever you can to support her. Keep asking her to meet you -- for lunch, for a walk, for a hug.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was cleaning up my house the other day and came across a bunch of old photos. I had such a nice time traveling down memory lane. At a certain point I found photos of a friend and her partner during a celebration, and I immediately thought that I should send them to her. Her partner died several years ago, and I know she still misses him terribly. The question I have about this is whether it will upset her to see the pictures and be reminded of those days gone by. The last thing I want to do is make her sad. When I saw the pictures, I smiled. Do you think it is worth it to send her the photos or should I leave the past in the past? -- Stirring up Memories, Baltimore

DEAR STIRRING UP MEMORIES: You can never know for certain how a person will react to images of people they love who have passed. It is likely that your friend will receive the photographs in the way that you intend them to be received. You say that the pictures are from a joyful time, which means they look happy. Chances are they will bring joy to your friend, even if they also trigger a few tears at the same time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriends at work are absolutely addicted to reality TV. They seem to watch everything with gusto. The day after their different shows come on, they spend quite a bit of time discussing all of the crazy twists and turns. While I don't begrudge them their TV fantasies, I am totally not interested. I do not watch the shows nor do I want to talk about them. How can I remain friendly with them and keep my own peace of mind? Right now they think I'm being a snob because I won't chime in on their conversations. -- Anti-Reality TV, Salt Lake City

DEAR ANTI-REALITY TV: Back in the day, many people were addicted to daytime soap operas. These nighttime reality shows remind me of those series that often lasted for decades. Yes, plenty of people can't tear their eyes away from them. And that is their business. You do not need to feel like you must be one of them, though.

At the same time, you do not need to disparage those who enjoy this type of programming. You need a middle ground. Why not decide that you will be friendly and supportive of these women when they come in ready to do their debrief, but then excuse yourself after a few minutes and do your work.

If you allow any judgment that you feel about their TV viewing to go away, it will be easier for you to accept them for who they are and what they do without having any reaction at all. Consider it just like when sports lovers get excited about their teams, especially towards the end of the season. You can observe from a distance.